Candice Miller: Everything That’s Right With Democracy

Oh fer chrissakes.

“This could be easy,” said Rep. Candice S. Miller (R-Mich.), who proudly announced she has neither a law degree nor a college degree as she denounced the high court’s 5 to 3 decision against the tribunals as “incredibly counterintuitive.” “We could just ratify what the executive branch and the [Department of Defense] have done and move on.”

NOT EVEN WE ARE THIS LAZY.

Representative Miller, we think you’re on the right track. Considering how demanding your job is, we’d be more than happy to fill in. We’ve prepared a couple statements to read on your behalf. Allow us to summarize the main points:

• “We could just tape down the ‘yes’ buttons and go home, right?”
• “We could just get those glasses with the eyes painted on and take a little nap.”
• “Oh, can we tag the executive branch and say ‘you’re it!’ and make them write all the legislation?”
• “Let’s just copy last year’s congressional record and paste it into this year’s. Then — PIZZA PARTY!”

Battle Looms in Congress Over Military Tribunals [WP]

READ MORE: Candice miller, congress, detainees, house of representatives

Metro Section: You’ve Got To Be High

• As your attorney, Ben Bernanke commends your thrifty ways, and wants to know where you put the goddamn mescaline. [Love and Haterade]

• Menu Pages has launched in DC — it’s like what the delivery guy drops on the floor of your building, but useful. [Menu Pages DC]

• Feeling violent urges? Here’s who to take them out on. [Human Events]

• The AFI SILVERDOCS film festival has all the documentaries not made by presidential candidates. [DCist]

READ MORE: Candice miller, DC Statehood, ben bernanke, documentaries, drugs, food, meals, metro, metro section, money, pizza parties