celebrity weeklies
Metro Section: Chili Goes on Everything
- Congressional spawn/hipster Jackie Kucinich loves getting paid to write about bars you’ve been to a hundred times, still hates freedom. [The Hill]
- Someone tell the tourists that a Segway rickshaw is not a chariot, even though it might resemble the motorized wheel chair their fat-asses will be confined to soon enough. [Metroblogging DC]
- The weekly celebrity magazines are there for you when your brain is beaten and tired. [The Oral Minority]
READ MORE: ben’s chili bowl, booze, celebrity weeklies, fat, jackie kucinich, metro, metro section, tourists
Super-Serious Somalian Synopsis
OK, a guilty admission on our part: this site has never been known for being a hotbed of intelligent analysis of the day’s events re: “all things political”, so much as being a hotbed of who’s bedding Washington hotties (The answer? Me, of course. A sex-laced shout-out to Nicole W. in Rep. Jan Schakowsky’s office (D-IL). See you tonight, babe!). With that in mind, then, we thought we’d take a stab at being solemn, as opposed to sex-obsessed. Ain’t that noble? Here goes.
East Africa, it seems, is on the verge of crisis. According to today’s Guardian (UK), the Food Security Analysis Unit, an agency working on behalf of international aid agencies is now warning that the region “could be on the brink of catastrophe as food stocks in Kenya, Ethiopia, Sudan, Burundi, Eritrea and Tanzania also dwindle.”
Kenya’s president has appealed for £85m in aid on the matter. Though, seriously, let’s be honest…unless your regional plight is well-documented by a film starring Rachel Weisz and Ralph Fiennes, you’re as good as fucked.
Hmm.
See what just happened? We just broke out and made light of human suffering and the indignity of starvation by invoking film terminology, a trashy staple of pop culture. It’s almost as though it’s part of the “Blogger’s Coda”, this inability to take seriously any plight grounded in poverty or political oppression. But a sexual plight, however…let’s get talking!
Rachel Weisz: hotter in “The Mummy”, or as an activist in “The Constant Gardener”? Ralph Fiennes: hotter as a John le Carré character in the aforementioned film, or as the cheating “other man” in Neil Jordan’s spectacular take on the “End of the Affair”?
The answer: it’s all so hot, even food deprivation! At least according to this jaded, post-academic, trust-funded urban hipster. Really, folks…from the comfort of my million-dollar pad overlooking the Potomac, give me a copy of InTouch over Congressional Quarterly any day.
READ MORE: africa, celebrity weeklies, debt relief, low culture, somalia, united nations