“Whaddya mean ‘what’s in the water bottle?’”

Actual reporting? On Wonkette? No! Because we didn’t pay anyone! And it’s not really news, so much as an obsession with an oft-soused media whore! We didn’t go anywhere, obviously, but we did send Wonkette Photographer Liz Gorman, Intrepid Girl Reporter!

And freelance writer Mike Sanderson, responding to our call for “unemployed all-purpose contrarians,” sent us a full, first-hand report of the proceedings:

I just left the Hitch-Sully Denmark solidarity anti-protest. A perfect counterpoint, in tone, to the violent anti-Denmark demonstrations: about 75 men and women in black coats, milling listlessly at the end of a tree-lined cul-de-sac, holding little flags or homemade Danish paraphanalia, making small talk with each other awkwardly for an hour in the cold wind. Sully didn’t show up until 12:50, but Hitch was there the whole time. You’re right that he ignored his readers, and instead devoted his attention to the print and television media reporters present. Who were desperate for something to report on.

More of his report, and the rest of the gallery of pictures (Liz got all up in Hitch’s grill!), after the jump:

There were several Hitch-followers attempting to step into the breech and rally the crowd, though preparation seemed lacking. “Show us your pastries!” one exhorted, holding up a cream-filled plastic-wrapped Danish (get it?). Several other people held up other convience-store pastries, “in solidarity for Denmark!” followed by a half-hearted hurrah.
“ **** . I’m totally at the wrong rally.”
Also illustrated was the importance of deciding what to chant in advance. Initally the organizors tried “Denmark! Denmark!” “Free Speech! Free Speech!” “We’re Danes Now! We’re Danes Now!” and We’re all Danes Now!” This last one came out rather sing-songy. These didn’t last more than six or seven chants among a dozen people, but at least they punctured the monotony. I tried to speak to some of the crowd. One woman said she came from North Carolina; I didn’t have the heart to ask “why?” Another rapid Hitch fan said he flew in from California to see him.
Once the Wash Times editorial board shows up, you got yourself a party.
By the time 12:35 rolled around things got more desperate. Hitch had moved on to the print reporters, and the quasi-organizers had apparently brainstormed longer chants. They tried (I’m not kidding) “Ho Ho He He / Freedom of speech has got to stay!” Then back to “We’re all Danes now!” and “We Love Denmark!” followed by “We elska Denmark!” (We love Denmark in Danish, I was told. Apparently there were some Danes in attendance.) Then there was “No Dhinnis in Denmark!” Dhinnis, I was told, are non-Muslims who are restricted by Islamic law in Muslim counties (“dhimmis”? —ed); I didn’t get it either, and it didn’t last. Finally someone tried leading a chant of (again no kidding) “Land of Lego, We love you!”
That was the last attempt. At 1 p.m. Hitch got up on a rock, addressed us as “Comrades, brothers and sisters,” made some pro-forma remarks about protecting freedom of expression in all places, and told us he’d promised the Danish embassy we’d disburse at 1 (hahaha —ed). He also said he would like to lead a march to the Iraqi embassy to show solidarity with that country, but there wasn’t time (hahahahaha —ed). And so our mob politely disbursed, back down Whitehaven Street to Massachusetts Ave. Who says the best lack all conviction?
Is that — OMIGOD! CLIFF MAY! PINCH ME!
Not part of the rally, just really excited that his kid got an ‘A’ on his geography report.

Vital Perspective has video, former Wonkette guest-ed Glenn has more pics. They aren’t as awesome as ours.

And according to Crossing Wall Street, our correspondents missed Hitch’s brief run-in with the cops, who asked him for his permit and what the name of his “group” was (Hitch: “Um, Citizens for Denmark.” That’s a brilliant mind at work, folks).