Reuters vs. Bloomberg: Did You Hear That There’s Some Sort of Party Going On Tomorrow?

Saturday — tomorrow — the single most important night of the year. A chance to see, in the flesh, all your social betters gathered together in one convenient place for you to try to give them your business cards. Hobnob with the rich and famous (-for-DC). Meet washed-up has-beens invited to add an air of glamor to a room full of journalists and politicos.

Yes, but which party? You have two choice this year (assuming you were invited to either) for the Correspondents Dinner Afterparty. Good ol’ Bloomberg, still the champion and top name in afterparties, and upstart Reuters, who are taking their ball and going to a club down the street. Which one will you be attending?

At Bloomberg, you’ll find Kelly Clarkson. At Reuters, Condoleezza Rice (or so they claim). We did hear, by the way, that a certain Mr. Henry “Hank” Hager is on the confirmed list for the Reuters party — which means, we assume, that Jenna can’t be far behind. So there’s your chance to see a real-life Bush twin! Drinking! Or, you know, you could just go to Georgetown and see the same damn thing without the hassle.

What it comes down to is hype. And lucite. And Bloomberg’s got ‘em both. Because while Reuters released a pun-laden drink list, Bloomberg released a name-laden guest list.

READ MORE: afterparties, bloomberg, correspondents dinner, henry hager, jenna bush, parties, prom, reuters

Reuters Party Drink List: Mocked By Wonkette Before Wonkette Got a Chance To

The Reuters drink list — courtesy, natch, of a hard-working publicist on the front lines of the Afterparty War — reminded us of something we’d seen before. We couldn’t quite remember at first, but whilst thumbing through our dog-eared copy of Dog Days, debut novel by Wonkette Emerita Ana Marie Cox, there was a sudden flash of recognition. Looks like we’ve got a preemptive parody on our hands:

Melanie looked at Julie: “Assistants, associates, deputies, and bloggers. Oh, my.”

“It’s a veritable Who’s Not list.” Julie shook her head sadly. “I did warn you.”

“And the drinks? So are they not fun?”

“They’re so not fun they ought to come with a tax bill. Come on.” Julie led the way to the bar.

In front of it, a sign announced drink specials.

The Pina-COLA-raise: A dash of rum, a dash of pineapple, and a helping of economic justice!
The Single Payer Scotch: This Scotch and soda makes for preventative care!
The Filibustermaker: No pro-life Supreme Court nominees can get past a beer and a shot of minority party legislative rights.
The Blue State: A martini, but blue.
The Rainforest Crunch: Midori and wheat grass, on the rocks!

“Those are the drinks you have to pay to drink?” asked Melanie. “Shouldn’t they be giving them away? Preferably to those who need them the most?”

Oh, Washington. You’re cute when you try to be clever. But leave it to the professionals.

Dog Days [Amazon]
Earlier: The Reuters Pre-Party Drink Menu: Let the Arms Race Begin

READ MORE: after party, alcohol, ana marie cox, correspondents dinner, dog days, original wonkette, prom, reuters, wonkette