Inaugural Speech and Parade Drinking Game

We’ve burned the effigies, we’ve checked into moving to Canada but now we’re going to embrace the second Bush inaugural in the way we get through most tragedies: large quantities of bargain alcohol. That the festivities start at 10 A.M. only confirms that the event is a real tragedy requiring a deep early morning bracer. The following drinking game will keep you distracted from your Constitutional freedoms being shredded.

• Mention of father: one drink
• Tears at mention of father: one suckle from bottle nipple
• Talk of taking bold action: finish bottle
• Mention of angels, heaven, hosts or rapture: drink holy water
• Freedom in Iraq mentioned as key to peace: blow up something

More after the jump.

• Quote from historical figure: gurgle from flagon of mead
• Dick Cheney caught sneaking pork pie during ceremony: glass of claret
• Talk of ideology of hatred: throw longneck at television.
• Speculation about Rhenquist health: drink hot toddy
• Talk of reforming Social Security: steal from self
• Themes of reconciliation, bipartisanship and aisle crossing: mix bourbon, gin and vodka, chug.
• Device in back of Bush’s jacket visible: shotgun beer

Parade coverage bonus round!
• Brian Williams talks about Presidential Limo: Cuddle copy of Brokaw’s Greatest Generation
• Brian Williams keeps talking about Presidential Limo: Brain self with copy of Brokaw’s Greatest Generation
• Someone interviews a child: regress
• Chris Matthews mentions that he was in the peace corps: buy one-way ticket out of the country
• Speculation about whether Bush is wearing bulletproof coat: put coat hanger under your jacket
• Protestors being restrained: Hide. You’re next.

READ MORE: DC, Hill, Media, Republicans, White House