While Patrick Fitzgerald's investigation might still be considered ongoing, there's no denying that the most ardent celebrants of Fitzmas may be thus far disappointed. Indictments against Scooter Libby certainly make for a fun stocking stuffer, but those who had hoped for a rich Rovian roast beast to carve have thus far been rebuffed by Fitzgerald's standard-issue cautions, the prosecutorial equivalent of "You'll shoot your eye out."
However, the season is nothing if not ecumenical and Wonkette is nothing if not generous with the holiday nomenclature. So you can imagine how our hearts leapt with joy when we heard the news:
Jack Abramoff, a Republican lobbyist at the center of a U.S. Justice Department-led investigation, may plead guilty in a Florida wire-fraud case as early as next week, a person close to the case said.A plea a may help federal prosecutors build cases against lawmakers and their staffs in both the Florida investigation and in a related probe of Abramoff's lobbying activity in Washington.
Sweet Judah and the Maccabees, Washington! Time to get ready for Abramoffukkah!
Abramoff May Plead Guilty in Fraud Case Next Week, Person Says [Bloomberg.com]
READ MORE: abramoffukkah , fitzmas , jack abramoff , top
When we heard the bold pronouncement, that our iron-jawed angel Patrick Fitzgerald was "expected to ask a grand jury-possibly as soon as next week--the to indict [Karl] Rove for making false statements to the FBI and Justice Department investigators in October 2003," we thought to ourselves, "Yes! There is a Santa Claus!" Because all we want for Christmas is another long and tortured sports metaphor. Brew up some cocoa! Break out that book of Fitzmas carols! Throw some lights on the aspens! Hey, where did you hear the news?
Counterpunch?
Yeeeaaaahhhhhmmmmmmeerrrgghhhhssssssuuuhhhhookay.
At the risk of having Alex Cockburn hanging outside my apartment window blasting "In Your Eyes" on his outstretched jambox, maybe let's just curb our enthusiasm.
Did Karl Rove Hide or Destroy Evidence in Plame Case? [Counterpunch]
READ MORE: counterpunch , fitzmas , karl rove , patrick fitzgerald , top
The idea came to us last week, when paralysis set in at the thought of writing another item about Judy Fucking Miller. There are some people, some ideas, some words that we've just had enough of. Already know just about everything one would want or care to know about Patrick Fitzgerald, for instance. And, fuck: Will we ever get out of the "Situation Room"?
With a nod to Matt Groening, here's some nominees for "banned words and phrases," 2005:
• Fitzmas
• Scalito
• "You're in the Situation Room"
• "No one died when Clinton lied"
• "Ongoing investigation"
• Plamegate
• Maureen Dowd
• Jeff Gannon
• "The Gang of 500" (Idea for Wonkette t-shirt: "Gang of 500 reject")
• Joe Wilson
• "Turd blossom"
• Governator
• "You're doing a heck of a job"
• Jon Klein
• "Bush derangement syndrome"
• Bleg
• Pajamahadeen
• "Double super secret"
• "Personal waiver"
• Butterstick
• "Wonkette"
We could go on. And yet, we're curious: What words/phrases/people have you seen enough of in 2005? You can keep it to a political/DC axis,, though I would not be adverse to a special "civilian/cultural" category just to be able to put an end to "Desperate Housewives" and all Britney Spears-related jokes. Send your ideas to , with "go away" in the subject line. We have no power to make it happen, but we can whine about it.
You know I'm a Democrat, right?
READ MORE: "Jon , Bush derangement syndrome , Double super secret , Governator , No one died when Clinton lied , Ongoing investigation , Pajamahadeen , The Gang of 500 , You're doing a heck of a job , You're in the Situation Room , banned words and phrases , butterstick , fitzmas , jeff gannon , joe wilson , klein" , maureen dowd , plamegate , scalito , top , turd blossom , wonkette
• Trent Lott: "Bloggers claim I was their first pelt, and I believe that. I'll never read a blog." Awww, Trent! Don't be that way! I bet Denny Hastert'll give you shout out! Though it'll look more like an inward mumble. [CSM, via Yahoo]
• Remember: the Twelve Days of Fitzmas continue until Efitzany (or until somebody has one). [Grammar.Police]
• And if you make your own mess, don't blab to the press! [Thrown For A Loop]
• Guess who else was in court today? [WTOP, via Rock Creek Rambler]
• This year, Halloween in Virginia to less challenging, terrifying [NBC News]
READ MORE: american university , barry" , bitch set me up , blogging , dennis hastert , fitzmas , halloween , marion , scooter libby , trent lott
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Let's use these last few minutes of tea-leaf reading carefully. First, McClellan has told the press corps in the most recent WH pool report that there will "not be an announcement today regarding judicial nominees." Also, the WH will NOT have anything to say about the Fitzgerald investigation until after the announcement of the findings. WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?
We think it means that the White House has realized even Americans are too smart to think a SCOTUS announcement today would be just a coincidence. It also means that they're more time to campaign for Butterstick. As for Rove: Gonna be more stressful winter than you thought. Maybe you can borrow some of Cheney's heart medicine.
Report after the jump
