Category: forward operating base operative

Iraq Election Update: Nyuck Nyuck

Wonkette's Forward Operating Base Operative writes in with an update on the Iraqi elections, including a heart-warming scene that makes us think maybe the Lincoln Group was onto something with their Osama bin Moe sitcom idea:

As I was driving in my Stryker to a polling site to let my Iraqi born interpreters to vote, one told me he thought this election was another "poke in the insurgents eye." I thought about this, then I did the old "Three Stooges eye poke" thing to him...which he deftly parried with the old "Three Stooges hand in front of the nose" move. Then we both did the nyuk, nyuk, nyuk bit...and laughed till our balls hurt.

FOBO skips over the "Tom Clancy" stuff and goes straight for Marxist Brothers right after the jump.

Ana-

Well color me surprised-seems like inside of every Iraqi, there's a Floridian waiting come out. We had our own private Broward County today. The polls opened on time and the insurgents didn't really seem to want to come out and play, but there was drama none the less. About an hour into the voting, we started getting reports that Sunni polling officials in several neighborhoods decided that registered Kurdish voters were no longer registered and turned them away. Which of course angered the primarily Kurdish Iraqi Army Soldiers that were securing many of the polling sites. We are still sorting it out but it's all over but the chad counting now.

This is an example of how hard it to report the war-the. What few Americans really know is that the conflict in Iraq is not sustained by AMZ, UBL, or Al Queda, or the House of Saud...that's just Tom Clancy stuff. The insurgency in Iraq is a fight over ethnicity, tribalism, religious sectarianism and the poverty and relative deprivation these powerful tensions have created.

The foreign fighters here are just "'johnny (jihad) come latelies" looking to fight for their dying, backasswards world view. That's what not having a Reformation will do for a culture. The real insurgents here are Iraqis; mostly Sunni but of all flavors. It's the Iraqi player-haters that drive the insurgency. The Shia'a despise the Sunnis because Saddam's 20% Sunni minority oppressed them for 30 years; the Sunni hate the Shia's because with Saddam sporting a orange jumper and GI issue "birth control" glasses, they know life as a Sunni in Iraqi is now going to suck. The Sunni hate the Kurds for standing up to Saddam; The Kurds hate the Sunni for the nerve gas attacks and years of general brutalization. The Kurds bided their time under Saddam's jack boot until we established the no-fly areas after the First Gulf War (you know, "the good one") and protected them for 10 years. Now there back, they've got an army, and they're pissed.

Might not get me that White house fellowship everybody wants, but that the best analysis I can give you between mortar and IED attacks, midnight raids, and trips to the messhall.

Might seem like a real mess, but most Iraqi are like most of us...good, honest people who want peace and prosperity. Seeing free people vote for their first legitimate government should inspire all Americans, whether you are a Democrat, Republican, Janine Garofolo, or Ann Colter. As I was driving in my Stryker to a polling site to let my Iraqi born interpreters to vote, one told me he thought this election was another "poke in the insurgents eye." I thought about this, then I did the old "Three Stooges eye poke" thing to him...which he deftly parried with the old "Three Stooges hand in front of the nose" move. Then we both did the nyuk, nyuk, nyuk bit...and laughed till our balls hurt.

Thanks for the Bombay Sapphire Bunt Cake Idea, but I'll definitely take a rain check. Gin tastes a million times better slouched sullenly at the bar at the Capitol Grill.

Till next time,
FOBO

READ MORE: forward operating base operative , iraq , iraq elections , lincoln group , top

Letter From Iraq: Oh, the Irony

We don't often hear from Our Fighting Men -- we suspect that they have better things to do, and that they're getting more and better porn elsewhere. And, what do you know, it's true. Wonkette's Forward Operating Base Operative recently wrote in with a handy tip from a veteran bad-guy catcher:

You wanna know how we can tell we have found an insurgent safehouse? Porn. Yep-good ol' decadently-Western porn. Sometimes porn and beer. Naked chicks, Tuborg Gold, Lebanese rap music, and some IED-making materials makes for a rockin' Friday night in Mosul. The seedy underside of global jihad is revealed for you.

Normally, we'd consider all of these good signs. Things are so topsy-turvy in Iraq! Indeed, as FOBO reminds us:

[Journalists who cover Iraq] come with their own prejudices and bias, just like we do. Most are smart, funny people (except the Europeans, of course) I guess what SEC Rumsfeld might need to realize is that it takes about six months here to figure out what really happening here; I mean good six months...not a four day visit every six months. You can't get that insight from watching FOX NEWS, CNN, CSPAN, or by reading policy studies from the Brookings Institution on the Metro.

Reading policy studies from the Brookings Institution while being shot at, however, starts to get you there.

FOBO's full letter after the jump. NOTE: We have a policy of sending free Wonkette swag to operatives in war zones (Conde Nast does not count), and this letter was in response to that offer.

Of course a Wonkette t-shirt would be funny; This war, like most, is chock-full of irony. I'm starting to think irony was invented here. I'll need an XXXL so I can wear it over my body armor on patrol (not really).

Our preparation for the election is in full swing. We started enforcing a "no roll" restriction" in Mosul. Basically, no civilian traffic; period. Might be worth a try in DC...I'll put a call into Mayor Williams office. The Iraqis will walk to the polling sites. Cuts down on the drive by shootings and suicide bombers. The Iraqi Army and Police really are out front this time (no, really!), guarding polling sites and distributing balloting material. It's weird lecturing Iraqis about election procedures; after our nation's fine display of the democratic process in Florida a few years back.

As far as the SECDEFs comments-I don't think anybody really "has it right" here. We are simply trying maintain a strategy that beats the insurgents, supports the Iraqi political process, and allows us to do good deeds so Iraqi people trust us. We host journalists all the time. They come with their own prejudices and bias, just like we do. Most are smart, funny people (except the Europeans, of course) I guess what SEC Rumsfeld might need to realize is that it takes about six months here to figure out what really happening here; I mean good six months...not a four day visit every six months. You can't get that insight from watching FOX NEWS, CNN, CSPAN, or by reading policy studies from the Brookings Institution on the Metro.

Here's irony for you-you wanna know how we can tell we have found an insurgent safehouse? Porn. Yep-good ol' decadently-Western porn. Sometimes porn and beer. Naked chicks, Tuborg Gold, Lebanese rap music, and some IED-making materials makes for a rockin' Friday night in Mosul. The seedy underside of global jihad is revealed for you.

Be well,

READ MORE: donald rumsfeld , forward operating base operative , iraq , irony , porn , top

---