Karl Rove Is Screwed (Probably)

So let’s recap:

• Karl Rove testifies February 2004, conveniently leaving out the Matt Cooper conversation (how can you forget a conversation with THE FUNNIEST MAN IN WASHINGTON?)
• Emails surface, conveniently late, detailing the conversations.
• Rove changes his story.
• Karl Rove testifies for three-and-a-half hours on his fifth appearance before the Grand Jury (tying Betty Currie!).
• Karl Rove is friendly to Wonkette at a Fox party. Disconcertingly friendly.

He’s “Official A,” fer chrissakes! That’s like an indictment guarantee! But if there’s one thing that could stop the whole train right here, it’s the excitement with which liberal blogs are greeting every rumor. Seriously, guys, you’re just gonna jinx it.

Anyway, we got a week-and-a-half to wildly speculate. The countdown to wrist-slapping starts now.

Prosecutor Weighs Charges Against Rove in Leak Case [NYT]

READ MORE: crime, grand jury, indictments, karl rove, leaks, patrick fitzgerald, plamegate

Still the Night Before Fitzmas

One thing’s for certain: If Bush apparatchiks were expecting news of the Miers withdrawal to distract people from the grinding wheels of Patrick Fitzgerald-style justice, they sorely miscalculated. The special prosecutor’s office has again announced that no word of grand-jury indictments will be forthcoming today. Fitzgerald’s spokesmen did announce however, that they’ve downloaded Tetris on the special prosecutor’s web page for anyone growing exasperated with the wait. —HOLLY MARTINS

No CIA Leak Announcement Before Friday [AP, via MSNBC]

READ MORE: beckett-like ordeals, grand jury, karl rove, patrick fitzgerald, scooter libby, valerie plame

Justice Blind, Scooter Lame

READ MORE: Funny Pictures, freak injuries, grand jury, patrick fitzgerald, scooter libby, valerie plame

Scooter, While Still Unindicted, No Longer Puttering With Same Elan

A loyal reader writes in that Das Scooter has been spotted on a pair of crutches. Alas, there appears to be no photographic confirmation of this at present. Nevertheless, aforementioned loyal reader supplies yet more irresponsible speculation surrounding the Plame case, to wit:

Top 5 reasons Libby on crutches

5. Tried to take out frustrations on family dog and got bitten.

4. Got frustrated and kicked office safe after learning combination changed.

3. Tripped down basement stairs while carrying documents to home shredder.

2. Transparently faking injury in hopeless sympathy plea.

1. Twisted ankle in shower portion of prison orientation tour.

A good start, but we have—in no particular order—more after the jump —HOLLY MARTINS

-Clumsy effort to revive Vin “the Chin” Gigante faked-insanity strategy; plans to greet inquiries in court with the reply “Crutches? What crutches?”

-Veiled message to Judy Miller that her legs will be next

-Coded “lame duck” message to president Bush

-Not injured at all; just irrepressibly proud of new custom-made all-aspen crutches

-Waiver given to future cellmate was in fact “coerced”

-Turns out not as easy to outrun bailifs as he had thought

-Harriet Miers with a tire iron in the parking garage

-Was going to do the hideous-surgery-one-glove Michael Jackson thing, which apparently goes over well with juries, but there wasn’t time

-Poignant evening of farewell lovemaking with Vice President Cheney went horribly wrong when they adopted “scissorlock” position

READ MORE: freak injuries, grand jury, patrick fitzgerald, scooter libby, valerie plame

Rove, Libby to Be Charged With…Uhm, Something?

Raw Story is reporting that Fitzgerald will grace indictments on—we hope you’re sitting down—Scooter Libby and Karl Rove. Citing the usual “lawyers close to the investigation”—evidently locked out during a lunch break—the Rawsters claim that Rove will catch an obstruction count, and that Scooter is looking at perjury and obstruction. They waffle, though, on the key question of whether anyone was violating the 1982 Intelligence Identities act that originally set this whole crazy caravan in motion. First they claim that Fitzgerald believes Scooter broke the law, but then they issue this closing disclaimer:

The grand jury had not decided whether to make indictments at the time this article was published. It appears more likely that the jury would hand down indictments of perjury and obstruction than a charge that Plame was outed illegally.

Really, now. Must every aspect of this story be swathed in ambiguous intrigue? If Fitzgerald believes Scooter dropped the covert dime on Valerie P., then why not charge the snake? Also, what’s all this talk about the grand jury “making” the indictments? Will they be delivered in the form of an oversized homemade greeting card to the special prosecutor? Until this can be explained somewhat simply, we’re grabbing another round of bourbon with our own cadre of lawyers close to the investigation. —HOLLY MARTINS

Fitzgerald Asks Jury for Rove, Libby Indictments, Lawyers Say [Raw Story]

READ MORE: grand jury, indictments, karl rove, patrick fitzgerald, scooter libby

Indictus Interruptus: DC Tumbrils Headless Another Day

Look, we know Patrick Fitzgerald is a by-the-books tieclipped tightass and everything, and really, we’re grateful. Who else could have had the fortitude to trace the source of the Plame leak all the way back to the sulphuric maw of Dark Lord Cheney? But all this tension is getting unbearable. We haven’t clicked so compulsively on the CNN site since the days of the Janet Jackson Superbowl clip. Can’t the guy take pity on us and hand down just one charge to tide us over? Another day like this, and the sheer distraction of the thing will have us believing Harriet Miers is actually qualified for the federal bench. —HOLLY MARTINS

CIA Leak Probe Has Washington Waiting [CNN]

READ MORE: grand jury, patrick fitzgerald, valerie plame