All images: AP
So I guess there’s totally something up in Korea, because I saw all these protestors on TV. I didn’t really pay attention to what they were demonstrating about, though, because I kept getting distracted by their beautiful modernistic signs and their snappy protest outfits. They wear ties! They’re clean! And then I got sad because I started thinking about our dumpy ol’ protestors with their ugly Sharpie-scrawled signs, like that dowdy mother lady and all those Greenpeace interns, and, who knows, maybe even sign-wavers sporting “miniskirts, stiletto heels, low-cut spandex tops” and, God forbid, flip-flops like the Washington Times tried to warn us about the other day.

Let’s take a cue from our Korean friends and tighten-up a little, shall we? More good-looking signs and the people who wave (and burn) them after the jump.

This guy, I swear, is all, like, Ralph Lauren for non-nuclear proliferation:
Uh, oh… be careful with that torch:
Whoopsie! You burned up the short, four-eyes guy!
I wonder what those people have against Texaco? I’m confused.
I don’t think I understand all of these. What does “Right Korea” mean?

We have so much to learn from them.

“Hey Mr. Secretary, want some free sneakers? These babies have your name written all over ‘em.”

This morning we complained that Senators get the best symbolic gifts. And the trend continues: Greenpeace just gave them free sneakers! Something to do with “running away” from chemical facilities.

Yes, we’ve fallen for their p.r. campaign hook, line, and sinker. But we’re suckers for pretty pictures — and Greenpeace gave us plenty of ‘em.

Check out the photos, plus the press release (yawn), after the jump.

Here are the pictures. Click on each photograph to enlarge.

“These magic sneakers will help you defeat He-Man once and for all!”

“I’m sorry, I can’t accept these — I only wear New Balance.”

“Wow, thanks, these are swell. They don’t sell ‘em up in Maine yet!”

“Here, someone give these to the new intern.”

(All photos provided by Greenpeace.)

Now that you’ve eaten the candy, it’s time for the vegetables. Here’s the press release:

IMMEDIATE RELEASE
June 8, 2006

CHERTOFF, SENATORS PRESENTED WITH ‘RUN FOR YOUR LIFE’ SNEAKERS BY GREENPEACE

Organization Calls for Legislation to Eliminate Chemical Security Targets in Communities

WHAT: Greenpeace will present Department of Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff, and members of the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs committee with sneakers to illustrate the vulnerability of Americans living near chemical facilities. The sneakers will be delivered in red boxes with plexiglass covers reading: “In case of emergency, break glass.”

WHY: Four and a half years after the terrorist attacks of September 11th, Americans would be surprised to learn that their best form of protection may be their sneakers. Millions of Americans are at risk because of government inaction to address the vulnerability of chemical facilities. You will have no protection from a chlorine gas cloud emitted by a chemical facility unless you can run a seven-minute mile. According to the chemical industry’s own estimates, a chlorine gas cloud can drift through a city at seven mph - the approximate qualifying speed for the Boston Marathon — and remain dangerous for 14 miles.

As late as 2005, the former Deputy Homeland Security advisor to the President stated that the government had taken no action to reduce terrorist risks to chemical facilities in the U.S. and that it should be a number one priority. Of the more than 3,400 high priority facilities that each put 1,000 people or more at risk in the U.S., only 225 have switched to safe technologies.

On June 14th, Members of Congress will have an opportunity to significantly increase public safety by voting to support Senator Lautenberg’s (D-NJ) legislation (S.2486) requiring that high-risk chemical facilities convert to safe and cost-effective technologies and eliminate the risk of terrorist attack. In March, Secretary Chertoff opposed this legislation at a forum sponsored by the chemical industry.

WHEN: 9:50 - 11:00 a.m.

WHERE: Dirksen Senate Office Building, Room 342, U.S. Senate Committee on Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs, National Emergency Management: Getting the Structure Right

Greenpeace toxics experts are available for interview.

Greenpeace International
Earlier: This Could Lead to Some Awkwardness In the Kennedy Office

• Greenpeace kids should know that with just one little “free” sign, all that trash becomes a donation to the community. Viva Trotsky! [Princess Sparkle Pony]

• Hola. Me llamo Antonio Nueves. [Politicking Timebomb]

• Oh you crazy kids and your urban identity issues. [This Is What We Do Now]

• Congratulations, Teddy boy! Now go fix everything. [WUSATV9]

• CIA's extensive anti-terror program goes largely unchallenged despite increasing criticism of surveillance tactics; Bush is a firm believer in the covert effort. Official: "Everything is done in the name of self-defense, so they can do anything because nothing is forbidden in the war powers act. It's an amazing legal justification that allows them to do anything." [WP]
• Bush pardoned 11 people last week; "he seems inclined to show mercy to people who have surmounted their mistakes." [USAT]
• Laura Bush "blends private advice with understated public prodding, using her ample popularity as ballast for her husband." [WSJ]
• With scrutiny over Jack Abramoff, lawmakers say no to free tickets to sporting events. [WSJ]
• New line of succession at the Pentagon ranks the undersecretaries for intelligence, policy and acquisition ahead of the secretaries of the Army, Air Force and Navy. Expert: "Rumsfeld doesn't do things randomly. His inner circle is the key group." [WP]
• Gen. Peter Pace clarifies his disagreement with Rumsfeld: it was a non-disagreement. [NYT]

• Every port of entry to the country now has US-Visit, "which takes fingerprints and digital photos of many entering foreigners to check them against criminal and terrorist watch lists." [NYT]
• Sen. Charles Grassley (R-Iowa) questions whether the leadership of the Red Cross "meets the high level of competence and engagement that Congress and the public should expect." [WP, NYT]
• Social workers fear the consequences of new border-security bill that would make it unlawful to help illegal immigrants. [NYT]
• Lawmakers are finally ready to end an "obscure interest rate subsidy for providers of student loans." [WP]
• Greenpeace, Earthjustice, Friends of the Earth and the National Environmental Trust are lobbying against the nomination of Samuel Alito. [WT]