CPAC-ing Heat: Wonkette Gets Drunk With Right-Wingers

Last week, from Thursday, February 9, through Saturday, February 11, conservative political activists from around the country descended upon Washington for the annual Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC). And the Wonkette Welcome Wagon was there to meet them!

Okay, we kinda missed all of the panels, speeches, and events. We didn’t get to hear Ann Coulter rail against “ragheads,” and we missed the mob-scene book signings by blogebrities Glenn Reynolds and Michelle Malkin. Nor did we attend the remarks of self-professed ex-gay Alan Chambers, who said sodomy was like fast food: “It will kill you.” Uh, not if you don’t swallow!

(Remember, boys and girls: as former President Clinton can tell you, the legal definition of sodomy encompasses a wide range of sexual acts. Black’s Law Dictionary defines sodomy as “oral or anal copulation between humans, or between humans and animals.” In other words, it’s not just assfucking!)

We don’t look that drunk, do we? (Photo by the Boi From Troy, blogging at our too-cool-for-school sibling.)

Sorry for that scholarly digression. Although we missed CPAC’s substantive presentations — if Ann Coulter mocking John Kerry as the other “dominant woman in American politics” qualifies as “substantive” — we did show up for the most important part: the drinking!

A chronicle of our misadventures, after the jump.

At the Friday night CPAC cocktail party, we mingled with a pantheon of conservative bloggers, writers, and pundits. The distinguished group included, but was not limited to, the following (if we omitted you, we apologize; we probably lost your business card in our inebriation): Robert B. Bluey; Tom Bridge; Cam Edwards; Sean Hackbarth; Mary Katharine Ham; Mike Krempasky, a VP at public relations powerhouse Edelman, who also blogs at Redstate; Little Miss Attila; Marshall Manson, also of Edelman, who blogs at On Tap; Chris Nolan; Ryan Sager; John Tabin; and the Boi from Troy himself, who also blogs at our urbane and sophisticated sibling.

A delightful time was had by all. The conversation flowed as freely as the liquor (open bar!). The topics discussed? All the usual staples of blogospheric blather: the blogging scandal du jour, how to land a book deal, and the unbearable hotness of the InstaWife.

After getting mildly buzzed, Wonkette headed off with the Boi From Troy, for dinner and, yes, more drinking. To learn what happened next — with scandalous photos! — you’ll have to skip the grid.

Team Party Crash: The Night I Kissed Wonkette [Gridskipper]
CPAC 2006 Convention [CPAC]
Right-Wing Party Animals [Salon]

READ MORE: alan chambers, ann coulter, assfucking, black’s law dictionary, boi from troy, cam edwards, chris nolan, cpac, edelman, events, fast food, glenn reynolds, gridskipper, instapundit, instawife, john kerry, john tabin, michelle malkin, mike krempansky, party crash, redstate, ryan sager, sean hackbarth, sodomy, team party crash, tom bridge, top, wonkette

Remainders: Another County Heard From Edition

• “Willful disregard of a law is potentially an impeachable offense. It is at least as impeachable as having a sexual escapade under the Oval Office desk and lying about it later. The members of the House Judiciary Committee who staged the impeachment of President Clinton ought to be as outraged at this situation. They ought to investigate it, consider it carefully and report either a bill that would change the wiretap laws to suit the president or a bill of impeachment.” Thus spake those pinko-liberals from that bastion of Maoism known as…uhm…wait—this is from Barron’s? [The Big Picture]

• Congratulations to everyone who won an Urb! We’ve only two disappointments. One, no wins for Toby. Two, our choice for World’s Most Inane Urban Blog Post wasn’t even nominated. [Gridskipper]

• Slate’s Mickey Kaus seems to think that the administration’s overall friskiness will be it’s saving grace (emphasis his): “The Katrina botch suggested not much—maybe Bush, as the left-wing caricatures always suggested, really was out to lunch, playing computer golf in the Oval Office while various Michael Brownian cronies held meetings to plan their wardrobes. That’s why, if the Bushies have really had the energy to secretly do all sorts of illegal spying against terrorists, it’s almost reassuring. At least they’ve been on the case, doing their job as they see it.” Basically, Kaus thinks that Americans are too bamboozled to distinguish activity from achievement. And, yeah, he’s probably right… [Slate]

• This is the sort of thing Wonkette is up against in the slowest news week of the year. [Gawker]— DCEIVER

READ MORE: Remainders, barron’s, domestic espionage scandal, gawker, gridskipper, impeachment, katrina, mickey kaus, slate

Remainders: Your Active Denial System Edition

• President Bush wants us to believe that everything is going super-terrific well in Iraq, that democracy is on the march and that the electoral process is bringing hope and flowers and funnel cake to the misbegotten motherfuckers of Mesopotamia. BUT IF THAT IS TRUE: Why is the Pentagon sending their PAIN RAY (!?) to Iraq? [DefenseTech.org]

• Timothy Noah says George Bush told a whopper. That’ll teach him. [Slate]

• Today is Festivus. Let the airing of grievances commence! [Wikipedia]

• Maureen Dowd’s temporary pen caddy chivalrously rises to her defense. [GuideLive]

• Don’t forget! You have only a few days left to vote in the Urbs! [Gridskipper]— DCEIVER

READ MORE: Remainders, festivus, george bush, gridskipper, maureen dowd, slate, war in iraq, war kitsch

Remainders: What Happens Above the 49th Parallel, Stays Above the 49th Parallel

• This hot sauce tastes good on everything! Except yellowcake. [Gawker]

• “In the War on Christmas, everything is connected.” [SFGate.com]

• Bill O’Reilly breaks out the loofah: “I can’t — I can’t do — I can’t do everybody. I’m trying to do the big ones that are all over the place.” Now can we be on your poncey blacklist? [Sepia Mutiny]

• Yeah? Well…we’ve got Joementum! [Gridskipper]

• Canada: they just get what we’re talking about. [New York Times]— DCEIVER

READ MORE: bill o’reilly, canada, gawker, gridskipper, joe lieberman, loofah, sex, syriana, valerie plame, war on christmas