Wonkette

As you listen to this HORRIFYING thriller soundtrack playing in Invesco Field while Obama walks off, here’s something cool that happened before the Secret Service apprehended us: a proposal, immediately in front. As soon as the would-be groom got on his knee, Al Gore walked on stage, and it almost seemed like the crowd’s eruption was responding to this Hope Couple. Maybe it was. She said yes, and we obnoxiously took a photo.

Hey, HERE’S A HINT: when you go to get a lemonade at Invesco Field, don’t leave your bag in your seat, because the SECRET SERVICE will take it. LIVEBLOG. OBAMA. NOW. MORE »

Your Wonkette has been chopped into three pieces, like a Starfish, and your current editor is just sitting in Level Two against a brick wall, on the concrete. We saw Stevie Wonder sing two songs! And, uh, Sheryl Crow sing like 7,000 songs which all sounded like shopping for lawn furniture on heroin. Al, what do you say? MORE »

Fifteen thousand hours later, and we’re in. You know what would be great right now is a couch.

We are commencing the long terrible journey to Barack Obama’s Athletics Parthenon and Live Pagan Sex Spectacle. It will take approximately one million hours, and we have to stop for lunch besides, so if we do not post for a few hours it is because we are drunk or incarcerated or maybe we have expired in the heat. Wish us luck.

• ROVE, YOU SCOURGE: Talking about the possibility of Hurricane Gustav making landfall during the Republican convention, Karl Rove tells Fox News, “The Republicans can’t seem to get a break when it comes to August and when it comes to the weather.” Right in the middle of the president’s vacation, frequently! Stupid asshole weather, poor Republicans.

Hell, we already have two, but we’ll take another. There’s a food shortage PEOPLE and kidneys taste gooooood. [Craigslist]

Barack Obama and his Husseinbots tried to suffocate all three Clintons last night, in a Pepsi Center elevator. That is not Change We Need — it’s attempted murder! Read this SUN-TIMES EXCLUSIVE MUST CREDIT: “The Clinton family — Bill, Hillary and Chelsea — got stuck in an elevator Wednesday night, shortly after they left their box at the Pepsi Center … The Clintons got stuck midway between one floor and the next, and ultimately had to climb out of the elevator, back up three-and-a-half-feet to the next floor.” According to this EXCLUSIVE, “Observers were impressed at how calm everyone remained” in the face of rogue black hope elevators trying to kill them. [Chicago Sun-Times]

One “Washington Insider” and member of a gym that Barack Obama attends in DC told us last night that the candidate is actually kind of a halfhearted “athlete,” and doesn’t even bother running on the treadmill. Instead he walks, like one of the Golden Girls. Anyhow, this morning Barack Obama had another one of his so-called workouts at the Denver Athletic Club, which of course culminated in his sinking multiple three-pointers from Eagleton. [Denver Post]

Not in Denver rocking the stadium with Barack Obama and Little Stevie Wonder? Well, lucky you! There’s fun stuff going on in D.C., too, and no ugly media people to muck it up. Enjoy sculpture, deejays, aliens and Dostoyevsky! MORE »