Why the British Are Cooler Than We Are

Sure, their food sucks. But they dress better, and they have those awesome accents. And then there’s this:

Yes, that’s right: their leaders get snubbed by much cooler musicians. Tony Blair gets dissed by Radiohead; Bush has to settle for rejection from Jessica Simpson…

Radiohead Singer Snubs Tony Blair [CNN]

Earlier: Political Fundraising Metaphors Are Becoming Distressingly Literal

READ MORE: george w. bush, jessica simpson, radiohead, tony blair, top

Wonkette’s Week in Review

• President Bush moves to replace Gale Norton as Interior Secretary with Dirk Kempthorne — who may have some skeletons in his closet (and is less popular than Spuddy Buddy).

• Howard Dean succumbs to March Madness — and finally has good reason to scream.

• Jessica Simpson graces Capitol Hill with her luminous presence — but doesn’t meet President Bush or swing by Smith Point.

• John Ashcroft sells out and cashes in.

• Tom Malin sits for an exclusive interview with Wonkette. He adores Katherine Harris. Check out this photo of her, and this one. Can you blame him?

• Our new favorite catchphrase: “The pony in slavery.” We are kinda obsessed with it and its insane originator, Adele Fergusen.

• Our second favorite catchphrase: “I Did Not Blog.” Commemorative t-shirt sold separately.

• A bunch of Republicans get stuck in an elevator.

• From the “we’re scared shitless” department: Chris Matthews has supernatural powers. Jessica Cutler will be getting her own TV show.

• Finally, from the “not exactly news” department: Barbara Bush gets drunk. Journalists dress badly and get catty with each other. The Bush Administration doesn’t like gay people.

READ MORE: adele fergusen, barbara bush, dirk kempthorne, george clooney, howard dean, jessica cutler, jessica simpson, john ashcroft, katherine harris, the pony in slavery, tom malin, washingtonienne, week in review

Anti-Wonk’d: Jessica Simpson Was NOT at Smith Point

First Jessica Simpson snubs President Bush — and now she disses his daughters?

Contrary to rumor, Jessica did not spend last night partying at the Bush twins’ favorite haunt, Smith Point. A tipster — actually, the friend of a tipster — explains:

it was a complete lie. don’t know who started it, but it definitely spread. i got dragged there because of that rumor, and it was completely dead, there was about a max of 40 people at its peak.

here was how the rumor got started, and it was quoted as “being a really good joke”. this was posted on www.latenightshots.com:

And while we’re in the process of correcting misinformation about Simpson, we might as well note that reports of her deliberately snubbing President Bush may be greatly exaggerated, if not downright inaccurate.

Our starstuck sibling out in Lalaland offers this report. Money quote, from Simpson pere: “We are huge fans of [President Bush] and of his family, his girls. Jessica loves the heck out of him.”

If only the other 66 percent of the country felt the same way.

Earlier: Round-the-Clock Wonk’d: More Jessica Simpson
Emergency Wonk’d: Jessica Simpson on Capitol Hill!
Political Fundraising Metaphors Are Becoming Distressingly Literal

READ MORE: bush, bush twins, celebrities, george w. bush, jessica simpson, smith point, wonk’d

Gossip Roundup: Jessica, We Hardly Knew Ye

• Reliable Source: Jessica Simpson maintains smile throughout brief trip to Capitol Hill… Gore may have exaggerated the response of conservatives to his film… Olympic speedskater Joey Cheek meets Bush, Pelosi. [WP]
• Inside the Beltway: After Sunday services, Bush changes from his suit to his biking gear faster than a speeding bullet… Scott McClellan on rumors of a shakeup: “This is part of the inside Washington babble that goes on in this town. It’s part of the parlor game.” [WT]
• Page Six: Susan Sarandon on Sen. Clinton: “I find Hillary to be a great disappointment… She’s not worse than other politicians, but I hoped she would be better. What America is looking for is authentic people who want to go into public service because they strongly believe in something, not people who are [just] trying to get elected.” [NYP]

READ MORE: 2008, Personalities, al gore, bush, george w. bush, gossip, hillary clinton, jessica simpson, joey cheek, nancy pelosi, rumors, scott mcclellan, susan sarandon

Remainders: The Pain and Suffering Edition

• Over in the Netherlands, someone thought it would be a good idea to have a soccer game pitting the gays against the Muslims. [The Fagat Guide]

• Extra, extra, read all about it: indentured blogitude at the Post. Our reaction, in a word: schadenfreude. [The City Paper via FishBowlDC]

• The latest New York Times blog explores an environment of unmatched squalor: Newark politics. [Newark 2006 via Gawker]

• By now you should be as fed up with Jessica Simpson as Nick Lachey. But if the mere thought of her doesn’t “take your breath away,” out of sheer physical pain, click here. [Perez Hilton]

READ MORE: Remainders, blog, blogging, blogs, celebrities, famous-for-famous, gay, gays, jessica simpson, muslims, new york times, soccer, washington post

Round-the-Clock-Wonk’d: More Jessica Simpson

We realize that many of you have gone home by now. And we also admit that we posted a picture of her just a few hours ago.

But hey — if US Weekly and In Touch can get away with non-stop Jessica Simpson coverage, surely Wonkette can too! So, for your viewing pleasure, here’s a better photo of Jessica than the one we shared with you earlier (click on the thumbnail for an even better view):

Our tipster observes: “Check out the guy on the right, eyeing her up and down. I bet he wishes she was in her Daisy Duke get-up, instead of her knock-off Hillary pant suit. Obviously, so do I!”

Earlier: Emergency Wonk’d: Jessica Simpson on Capitol Hill!
Political Fundraising Metaphors Are Becoming Distressingly Literal

READ MORE: Funny Pictures, Personalities, capitol hill, celebrities, famous-for-famous, jessica simpson, wonk’d

Emergency Wonk’d: Jessica Simpson on Capitol Hill!

Jeez, people, calm down! We know, we know — Jessica Simpson is on Capitol Hill!

You guys like to act all high-minded, coolly submitting sightings of such “famous-for-D.C.” types as James Sensenbrenner and George Tenet. But when we throw a real celebrity into your midst, you all go apeshit!

News of Jessica’s descent from Olympus, to join the mortals toiling on the Hill, has been burning up the wires in Dirksen, Rayburn, and Hart. So, to satiate your celebrity lust, here’s a photo of the former Mrs. Nick Lachey, which has been making the rounds:

Look, don’t get us wrong; we’re thrilled that Jessica is in town too. And we think it’s kinda cool that she dissed President Bush — even though he’s the leader of the free world, and she’s a pop tart who hooked up with someone from Maroon 5. So if you have any more photos of Jessica, or firsthand accounts of your interaction with this slutty songstress, you know where to reach us!

Jessica Takes Washington [The Gilded Moose]

Earlier: Political Fundraising Metaphors Are Becoming Distressingly Literal

READ MORE: Personalities, capitol hill, famous-for-famous, jessica simpson, wonk’d

Political Fundraising Metaphors Are Becoming Distressingly Literal

It’s one of the oldest cliches in politics, and this year it seems like it’s never been more true: As Jessica Simpson goes, so goes the Nation.

Jessica Simpson snubs Bush
‘It’s never been a problem for Bono,’ NRCC spokesman responds
[…]
Although Simpson’s publicists insisted she never had planned to attend the fund-raiser, Forti said the actress initially accepted the NRCC invitation when it was extended on Tuesday night, only to change her mind the next evening.

Forti said the Republican group had even arranged for Simpson to dine at one of the head tables with House Majority Leader John Boehner, an Ohio Republican. The NRCC hopes the $2,500-per-plate dinner event will raise $7.5 million for Republican candidates in the congressional midterm elections in November.

Well, Bush has lost America’s Sweetheart. But, uh, some others are less concerned about “politicizing” their public personae or their pet causes. Porn Star Mary Carey will still be attending the fundraiser, for the second year in a row, and “at the invitation” of the NRCC. We don’t know why World Net Daily is the only source for that particular news, but we don’t care, because it just makes the piece all the funnier. Some excerpts from the nutcases our good friends at WND:

* “The NRCC is the same group that accepted $5,000 from Carey and her pornographer […] and allowed the pair to take part at the 2005 Flag Day Dinner” [Illustrated w/ picture at right]
* Carey: “Everyone thinks that politicians are stuffy, but we all had a great time last year, and I had fun signing a lot of autographs. Wait till they see that I have lost 20 pounds since the last time they saw me. Watch out Mr. President!”
* “Despite having numerous sexual partners, she remains proud of her occupation.”

We’re are so appending that last sentence to our resumes.

Jessica Simpson Snubs Bush [CNN]
Jessica Snubs Bush, Porn Starlet Doesn’t [WND]

READ MORE: Republicans, campaigns, fundraisers, jessica simpson, mary carey, midterms, nrcc, porn stars, sex, world net daily

Gossip Roundup: Caught in the Act

• Reliable Source: Jessica Simpson is visiting Capitol Hill next week. [WP]
• Inside the Beltway: Clarence Thomas invoked no laughter during the last Supreme Court term. [WT]
• Page Six: Blind item: “Which gorgeous, auburn-haired network news reporter was caught in the act with a married assignment editor? Seems they ducked into the office of a reporter they thought was out of town, but the other reporter suddenly opened the door and found her colleague giving the boss oral sex. The official story is they were just ‘talking.’”… Tomorrow night’s Gridiron Club will bridge partisan divide with humor. [NYP]
• Cindy Adams: Barbara Bush’s former press secretary and close friend of Condoleezza Rice, Michael Ovitz, plans to write a book… Two endings were made for “Thank You For Smoking.” [NYP]

READ MORE: Personalities, barbara bush, clarence thomas, condoleezza rice, gridiron club, jessica simpson, michael ovitz, oral sex, thank you for smoking

The World’s Least Convincing Headline

SIMPSON UPSET ABOUT MISSING IRAQ FOOTAGE [Contact Music]

READ MORE: Media, celebrity causes, iraq, jessica simpson