We Control Not Only the MSM, but Also the Grandiose Delusions of the Cabinet

Last month, on Wonkette:

LAURA BLUMENFELD YOU ARE OUR NEW FAVORITE WRITER. […] Will you please make your next piece an epic high-seas romance with international intrigue, swashbuckling, and daring-do, starring Joe Biden and a giant lizard?

Today, in Laura Blumenfeld’s “Off Camera” Column:

“I imagine I’m a pirate,” [Norman Mineta] said. “Of the Caribbean.”

Exciting conclusion, after the jump!

READ MORE: White House, crazies, high seas adventure, laura blumenfeld, norman mineta, pirates, resignations

Wonkette’s Week in Review

• This is how the world will end, not with a bang, but a clank, and the thump of a pneumatic hammer on an elevator. We’re relieved that no one was hurt, but it sure was exciting covering all the action. Er, whatever it is that passes for action. In the end, the biggest danger of the day was the risk of some soiled gabardine, but even that was averted.

• Before we got all excited about some ambiguous loud noise, the Senate confirmed Michael Hayden. That Toby Kieth playlist we made last week came in handy for the celebration.

• Bush marks his territory by peeing ordering the William Jefferson FBI documents sealed.

• The championship round of the Congressional Catfight was this week. Wild card entry “Mean Jean” Schmidt ended up walking away with the title.

• Pat Robertson seeks strength in the Lord, and in the old “Vitamin S”, apparently. Even with the video proof, there are some who doubt that the 700 Club is now the 2000 Club.

• Bill Frist: friend to man and beast.

READ MORE: CIA, animals, bill frist, capitol hill, catfights, congress, congressional catfight, crazies, crime, eavesdropping, exercise, feats of strength, god, gorillas, gossip, guns, jean schmidt, jesus, laura blumenfeld, liveblogging, lunatics, medicine, michael hayden, nsa, pat robertson, polls, rayburn, religion, senate, strength, violence, week in review, william jefferson, wiretapping, wtf

BILL FRIST — Senator by Day, Miracle-Worker by Slightly Earlier in the Day

Really, what is there to say, but WHAT THE FUCK.

Frist, at heart, is a doctor. At 5:45 a.m., before a recent Senate workday, he prepared for a quirky slice of surgery. During congressional breaks, Frist, 54, has been known to fly to Africa to operate. But in Washington, he has quietly cultivated another practice: gorillas at the National Zoo.

It is very difficult to refrain from quoting this entire column. This entire insane, hideous fever dream of a column. It is the story of BILL FRIST — GORILLA SURGEON!

Won’t you join us after the jump?

READ MORE: animals, bill frist, congress, gorillas, laura blumenfeld, medicine, senate, wtf