Remainders: Sweet Summer Sack Sweat

• Jonah Goldberg really wants some holographic technology, ‘cause regular internet porn just isn’t doing it for him any more. [The National Review]

• “Dick Cheney’s a barely human, oozing, feces-covered demi-gorgon who rips the heads off ducklings just for sport.” That, and uh, Lee Siegel likes licking blogger scrotum. [Rude Pundit]

• Dick Cheney will lick John King’s blood stain off his boots if he asks him one more question about “that damn gay book Mary wrote.” [The Petrelis Files]

• The Guardian newspaper: the British curmudgeon’s first place for news. [PSFK]

• The kind of mad libs the White House press corps plays on those middle-of-the-night flights to Iraq. [Concurring Opinions]

• Utah congressional candidate John Jacob knows that he’d be swimming in cash, Scrooge McDuck style, if it wasn’t for, uh, Satan. [Salt Lake City Tribune]

• Beware the heavenly power of the Blogfather! [Red State]

READ MORE: Remainders, Utah, balls, campaigns, dick cheney, eavesdropping, jerome armstrong, john king, jonah goldberg, mad libs, mary cheney, porn, satan, scrotums, self-writing jokes, the blogfather, white house press corps

Write Your Own ‘Washington Times’ Story — and Save!

Liberal [plural noun] [verb] a [abstract noun] to [verb] Bush
By [“Journalist” name]

[vaguely snide comment]
Liberal [same plural noun] — [Vietnam reference, general dislike of hippies] — plan to [slightly sinister noun] near the [somewhere inconvenient for liberals to be] tonight, [description of annoying, ineffective action] to [verb phrase that makes the President sound like a victim] the President’s [important, non-annoying President-related action].
[couple hundred words unrelated to the lead, inserted because the lead wasn’t actually news and this story isn’t actually interesting]
Susan Sarandon, Jane Fonda, Harry Belafonte and Sean Penn [repeat as necessary]
[etc.]

Liberal Activists Promote a Ruckus to Silence Bush [WT]

READ MORE: journalism, liberals, mad libs, washington times