The Oscars: Our Guide To Faking It
So you didn't watch the Academy Awards last night. Well, that's okay; with the help of this handy little guide, you can pretend that you did.
The Oscars lie more squarely within the jurisdiction of our L.A. and New York siblings (whose coverage is available here and here). But since the awards were fairly political this year — which shouldn't be surprising, with Jon Stewart as host — we'll put in our two cents.
If the Oscars come up as a topic at the water cooler or around the lunch table today, here's just enough material for you to participate intelligently in the conversation:
- Your favorite political joke of the night (from host Jon Stewart): “I do have some sad news to report. Bjork could not be here. She was trying on her Oscars dress and Dick Cheney shot her.”
- Your favorite — or least favorite, depending on your point of view — acceptance speech: George Clooney (a.k.a. Hamas leader Khaled Meshal). After noting how Hollywood was ahead of its time on a number of political issues, from civil rights to AIDS, Clooney proclaimed himself “proud to be out of touch.”
- Your theory as to why “Crash” prevailed over “Brokeback Mountain” for best picture (courtesy of Adam Cohen of the Times, as well as a screenwriter friend of ours): “Oh, well, the 'Crash' win wasn't that surprising to me. The Academy demographic skews older, and Hollywood is always a few decades behind when it comes to picking message movies. So of course they'd go with the 'racism is bad' movie over the 'yay gay people' movie.”
Finally, for all you ladies out there, you can't pretend to have watched the Oscars without having a random fashion quip to offer. So here's one for starters: “Look, I know Jennifer Garner just gave birth, so I'm willing to cut her some slack. But that Michael Kors gown was truly unfortunate, giving her no support in the bust. Her breasts looked like they were in different area codes!”
So there you have it — just enough random knowledge to help you make it through a day of Oscar conversations. We're all about service journalism here at Wonkette!
Complete List of Oscar Winners [AP]
And This Year's Oscar Goes to… a Movie That Takes a Stand [NYT]
Earlier: The Oscars: Politics for Beautiful People
READ MORE: Jennifer Garner, academy awards, awards, brokeback mountain, crash, fashion, george clooney, hollywood, jon stewart, michael kors, movies, oscars, style
One of the best quotes in oscars history has to be after 36 mafia won their oscar for best song:
"36 mafia 1 oscar, martin scoresese 0"
by TsetseFly on 03/06/06 10:16 AM
i love how the entertainment community patronizes itself at this point... from the academy saying "oh, look! it's rap! how cute! give them something!" to george clooney pretending that black actors haven't been typecast for decades...
p.s. i, in my infinite wisdom, had been picking crash for a week. brokeback mountain was simply too popular an independent film to win best picture; although that formula didn't compute with march of the penguins...
by alter ego on 03/06/06 10:56 AM
Am I alone in thinking Jon Stewart was a good host? The Washington Post has panned him: "Memo to Jon Stewart: Keep Your 'Daily' Job"-- http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/... I liked the juxtaposition of Hollywood, journalism and politics. The Oscar campaign commercials were hilarious. Maybe the Post's political humor standards are set too high to give Stewart a nod?
by Non-Profiteer on 03/06/06 11:18 AM
Another great line: "It just got a little easier out here for a pimp."
What was up with the [bad] directing last night? I would have given my right arm for a cutaway of Jack Nicholson or Reese Witherspoon or Dame Judi during the 36 Mafia performance.
by TheBarmaid on 03/06/06 12:02 PM
I don't get why people are saying that Hollywood could not bring itself to embrace a love story that celebrates alternative lifestyles. March of the Penguins won.
by Jon Swift on 03/06/06 12:34 PM
Whoa, time out kids. First of all, did all of you complaining about how Brokeback Mountain didn't win notice how it secretly DID win? Ang Lee won best director for chrissakes. Deservedly so.
My major complaint about the Oscars is that when Luc Jacquet and Emmanuel Priou accepted the award for March of the Penguins as best documentary, they carried stuffed penguins instead of real penguins. Even better yet would have been stuffed real penguins. That would have been making a new and bold statement!
by DC Ninja on 03/06/06 01:35 PM
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