Wonkette

Here’s heavy-petting Saxby Chambliss defending himself, on the Fox News, against a Jim Martin ad that quotes Chambliss saying he doesn’t even know what the term “recession” means. We’ll cut him some slack on that, because a new person is declaring a new version of the word everyday. But what’s notable is that Chambliss defends his comment by saying that he was quoting Alan Greenspan, people. He appears still to think that this is the ’90s/early ’00s, when name-dropping Greenspan worked as a blanket defense against criticism or, more importantly, an excuse not to learn anything about economics. This caused several problems. [YouTube]

The Dow Jones fell 679 points today, since it’s been a full six days since Paulson last introduced a new multi-hundred billion dollar loan or loan guarantee program, and everyone on Wall Street is a child: “The day’s news reminded investors, who last week were buying on a burst of optimism, that the economy is still in serious trouble. And at midday, Wall Street had confirmation of what everyone has suspected for months, that the nation is indeed in a recession.” They just wanted to be sure, for the 80th time, that the economy was indeed contracting, and then it was SELL SELL SELL. MORE »

• Here is a list of Obama’s best friends and how much they each paid David Plouffe, per hour, for the privilege of performing sexual favors on the two of them. [Ben Smith]
• Hindsight is 20/20, etc.: Americans warned Indians back in October that hotels in Mumbai would probably be attacked. [The Daily Beast]
• Steve Schmidt, the David Axelrod of failure, has high hopes for castrating boy-wonder Bobby Jindal. [The Corner]
• Al Franken is just 73 votes shy of beating Norm Coleman out to be the new Norm Coleman, though according to the former, there are votes that remain to be counted. [HuffPost]
• Other members of the Alaskan Estates-General are wondering why Sarah Palin keeps avoiding doing anything she was elected to do. [Crooks and Liars]

We went to Joe the Plumber’s DTV homeland security education site to see if Ad #2 had surface yet, and no luck. But here’s a comical form, of sorts, where we are asked whether we “like” this man that the company is paying to endorse their products. In other words, they’re trying to figure out if people are signing up for e-mail updates to learn about their fake plastic space gizmo, or if people just want to be alerted for their next mocking blog post. [Velocity Store]

The FCC has announced a bold new socialist plan to provide wireless Internet all over America, for free! But it won’t have any pr0n, so Americans won’t actually use this free gift. Also, it will be hella slow, as it will be operated by wireless companies forced to do so, by the government, and in competition with the for-profit porn Internet wireless service, which will be super fast. [Silicon Valley Insider/Wall Street Journal]

Everyone loves George W. Bush so much, and even more so when he gets all cute and modest about his epic record of WIN. Over the Thanksgiving holiday, Bush invited hungry street urchin Charles Gibson into his secret Appalachian masturbatorium, Camp David, for a series of interviews with himself and his first lady, Laura. There is a 7-page transcript. Page 3 is where the cool kids are hanging out. MORE »

Barack Obama stands one-hundred feet tall and is made of golden chocolate. So his magical transition podium is a sky-high phallic monument to his greatness and tallness, so all the short ladies he keeps appointing to his Cabinet, for laughs, all look like that terrible Martian from the Flintstones (?!) cartoons with the bug antennae coming out of his fat head. [Gawker]

SPACE JESUS WILL FROWN AT YOU TONIGHT!!! Here’s a fun astronomical thing you can enjoy even if you live in the filthy light-polluted city: Figure out how to go outside and look at the sky, to the south (Google can help you find “south,” maybe!), about 20 minutes after sundown, and you will see what looks like a shitty sideways frowny-face emoticon up there, in space! That’s Jupiter as the top eye, Venus as the other eye, and the Islamic Moon as the frowny mouth. Allah really does hate you! But He loves the people of his homeland, Australia, so those people got to see a happy face! [National Geographic/Fox News]

Several years ago, Hillary Clinton’s shadowy cabal whispered to every known news agency that she, Hillary Clinton, would be secretary of state for Obama, making her the first white lady to be secretary of state in eight years! This historical appointment was almost ruined by Hillary’s terrible “husband,” who did not want to reveal the names of donors to his special foundation dedicated to flying Bill around on a jet full of booze and broads. MORE »

It seems like just yesterday our little recession spent all its time wailing for food and pooping its pants, but it’s already pretty big! Soon it will be all growns up and cooking meth in the back yard shed while it asks us for “rent money.” The National Bureau of Economic Research says our recession is one year old, in the sense that the employment situation was at its very awesomest one year ago. Since then we have all lost our jobs and begun eating melamine-tainted cat food for sustenance. [MarketWatch]