Remainders: Al’s Inner Soul Patch

• Al Gore: May or may not have spent one youthful summer as an effete, intellectual, gauloises-smoking hippie douche. [Think Progress; The Corner]

• If he’s still alive, then Chelsea Clinton probably wasn’t a brainwashed assassin sent to Al Gore’s Wired event last night. [NY Daily News]

• Rick Santorum isn’t just psycho, he’s paranoid, and oh! The bugs! They’re crawling all over him, get them off! Get them off! [Hotline On Call]

READ MORE: Remainders, al gore, chelsea clinton, nixonian paranoia, rick santorum

Metro Section: It’s Not Paranoia — If They’re Actually Out to Get You

• Maybe the souvenir stand just isn’t interested in selling the merchandise of NFL teams with blatantly racist names. That, or the reports of Dan Snyder’s non-licensed jersey death squad are more accurate than we thought. [Freakonomics]

• Post columnist Bob Levey doesn’t realize how he sounds when he claims that there’s a conspiracy of bloggers out to spread conspiracy theories. [Metroblogging DC]

• There’s no reason to go to Virginia other than the airport, but if you do, take this guide with you. [DC Urban Family]

• Is it really a rule that if the cops find money in the freezer, someone has to make the “cold hard cash” joke? [More Than My Luggage]

• By now, it’s a good bet the bowtie is undone, the sleeves are rolled-up, and he’s got the crazy, “win-enough-to-actually-buy-a-house-in-the-city-I’m-the-mayor-of” look in his eye. [City Paper]

READ MORE: DC, anthony williams, bloggers, blogs, bob levey, crime, las vegas, metro, metro section, nixonian paranoia, redskins, w lliam jefferson

Our Servers May Fail Us, but Katherine Harris Never Does

Quoth the Tampa Tribune: But in the past 10 days, Harris has:

• Had locks changed and posted a security guard at the door of her campaign headquarters in Tampa and had former staff members escorted in to retrieve their belongings.
• Told a gathering of supporters in Cocoa Beach on Saturday that the Republican Party had “infiltrated” her campaign staff to put “knives in my back.”
• Told a reporter that a longtime, trusted political adviser had leaked a story about her staff members quitting, then called back to retract the comments.
• Announced hiring her new staff without identifying them.

Oh, Katherine. We love your Nixonian paranoia. Now, as you allow your former staff back into your office one at a time to retrieve their belongings, you must be positively bursting with optimism — things are looking brighter and brighter, Representative Harris. While you may retreat into a circle of equally deluded confidantes, close yourself off from the world, and settle into a metaphorical bunker while riding out the last, oh, seven months of your doomed campaign, you must promise us one thing: you’ll continue to make public appearances. Because some days, all we have left to live for are pictures like this:

Questions Dog Harris Behavior [Tampa Tribune]

READ MORE: 2006, Funny Pictures, breasts, campaigns, katherine harris, nixonian paranoia, uncomfortably public nervous breakdowns