pamela willeford

The State Department: More Gossipy Than a High School Cafeteria

While Condoleezza Rice is busy doing bicep curls, her State Department underlings are doing heavy lifting in the gossip department. For some reason, lately we've received a fair amount of State-related scuttlebutt. Here are some highlights.

cameron hume.gif A tipster tells us: “The U.S embassy in Sudan held a private dinner at their residence. [U.S. Charge d'Affaires] Cameron Hume was dropping the usual comments about the Sudanese goverment. A couple of Sudanese businessmen — incidentally, they don't support the GOS whatsoever — felt he was being over the top. One told the ambassador that his comments were inflammatory and did nothing to foster better relations between the two countries. This is where it gets good. Apparently the man has a temper. So he said that they were like the businessmen in Nazi Germany and they indirectly supported the regime. They told him that his tone wasn't acceptable. This is where it gets better. He told them to 'Run tell your goverment and your Prophet too.'”

OH NO HE DIN'T!!! And did he draw a cartoon of the Prophet too? (If you think we're making this up, the broad outlines of the story are confirmed by this news account.)

Additional gossip — concerning Deputy Secretary of State Robert Zoellick and the infamous Pamela Willeford, Ambassador to Switzerland and Dick Cheney hunting partner — appears after the jump.

A reader sent us an email about Bob Zoellick with the subject heading, “Zacharia Blows Zoellick in Bloomberg piece!” Thinking that the message was about a sex scandal involving Zoellick and our favorite foreign policy guru, we eagerly opened the message.

As it turned out, the message was about an adoring profile of Zoellick written by Janine Zacharia of Bloomberg News (no relation to Fareed Zakaria). The fawning article was less interesting to us than the commentary of our tipster: “People at State are snickering over this one, since Zoellick's corridor rep is 'a bigger asshole than Richard Holbrooke.'”

Finally, a brief postscript on Pamela P. Willeford, who recently was in the news as a hunting companion of Dick Cheney. If you haven't done so already, check out Al Kamen's interesting write-up about Pam Willeford. Kamen points out that Willeford's husband, George “Boots” Willeford III, was at the Armstrong ranch on the day that Dick Cheney shot Harry Whittington. Unless the Cheneys and the Willefords are real swingers, this casts serious doubt upon the wild rumor that Cheney and Pam Willeford were having an affair.

(Yeah, we know, Mr. Willeford was part of a different hunting party that day, in a different part of the ranch. But come on, people — don't you pride yourselves on living in “the reality-based community”?)

Kamen also notes that Willeford, as U.S. ambassador to Switzerland — and Liechtenstein! — has taken tons of vacation during her term as ambassador: about five months of vacay, in a little over two years. Nevertheless, she's regarded as “one of the more dedicated and hardworking of the noncareer chiefs of mission in Europe.”

Ah, an ambassadorship to a friendly, tiny European nation. Nice work, if you can get it!

Washington Recalls U.S. Envoy in Khartoum [Sudan Tribune]
U.S. Envoy at Home With a Gun and a Plane [WP]

“Tight Hole Operations”: Jeff Gannon’s Response

jeff gannon 1.jpg Last week, we gave you the inside scoop on Dick Cheney's “tight hole operations.” And yesterday, we shared with you the ten questions about “tight hole operations” that we submitted to Jeff Gannon. We know that the suspense over what he wrote in response is killing you — so here it is:

Your questions are funnier than any answer I could give. I do appreciate the opportunity, however. Please keep in touch, Jeff Gannon.

Yes, we're as disappointed as you are by Gannon's gracious, good-humored, but non-humorous response. What are we going to do now?

We'll do what we do best here at Wonkette: make stuff up!

After the jump, our manufactured responses to the “tight hole operations” questions we posed to Jeff Gannon.

Okay, here are our made-up responses to the 10 questions about “tight hole operations” that we posed to Jeff Gannon. Remember — these are not actual answers from Gannon, but just our speculation as to what he might have written in response.

1. Is it true that you have engaged in “tight hole operations” — with men?

Yes.

2. Do you believe the rumors of Vice President Dick Cheney's involvement in “tight hole operations”?

No. Would you sleep with that man?

3. What do you think of the rumor that Dick Cheney may have engaged in “tight hole operations” with Pamela Willeford?

I agree with you guys: “We just can’t wrap our minds around the idea of any heterosexual woman fucking Dick Cheney. Hence, Lynne.”

4. Would you personally like to engage in “tight hole operations” with the Vice President?

No — see question #2, above. But if he threatened to take me hunting with him, well, maybe…

5. If you could engage in “tight hole operations” with any member of the Administration, whom would you select, and why?

Condoleezza Rice — with a strap-on!

6. If you could engage in “tight hole operations” with any member of Congress, whom would you select, and why?

Denny Hastert, definitely. (I have a thing for ex-wrestlers!)

7. If you could engage in “tight hole operations” with any member of the Washington press corps, whom would you select, and why?

Dana Milbank. After seeing him in that stupid hunting outfit, I thought to myself, he could use a good pounding…

8. Do you agree with the Supreme Court's decision in Lawrence v. Texas, in which it struck down Texas's criminal prohibition on “tight hole operations”?

If you can't go drilling to your heart's content in Texas, where can you do it?

9. Do you think that the federal government should authorize “tight hole operations” in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge?

Allowing tight hole operations in exchange for money… hmm, what's not to like?

10. Do you believe that President Clinton engaged in “tight hole operations” with “that woman, Miss Lewinsky”?

Without a doubt! Where else could he get any from? See question #9 above — exploring the frozen tundra known as Hillary is still prohibited by federal law…

(N.B. As previously noted, the responses above do not represent actual answers from Jeff Gannon, but were composed for entertainment purposes only. Don't try this at home, objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are, etc.)

Jeff Gannon — A Voice of the New Media

Earlier: “Tight Hole Operations”: 10 Questions for Jeff Gannon
Dick Cheney Engaged in “Tight Hole Operations”?
More Than You Ever Cared To Know About “Tight Hole Operations”

“Tight Hole Operations”: 10 Questions for Jeff Gannon

jeff gannon 1.jpg Shortly after we issued our initial report on Vice President Dick Cheney's “tight hole operations,” an irate Wonkette reader emailed us: “You did a story on 'tight hole operations,' and you didn't ask Jeff Gannon for comment! What's up with that? You guys are no Ana Marie Cox.”

Eager to remedy this journalistic lapse, we emailed Mr. Gannon with ten questions about “tight hole operations” — which you can read for yourself, after the jump.

Here's what we wrote:

Dear Mr. Gannon:

Greetings from Wonkette. Not too long ago, we did a story on alleged “tight hole operations” by Vice President Dick Cheney.

Because you are a recognized authority on “tight hole operations,” we would like to submit to you the following 10 questions on the subject. Please feel free to answer any or all of them: