Katherine Harris To Sell Vast Push-Up Bra Collection to Fund Senate Bid

And they are quite considerable, as we all know.

Last week, Rep. Katherine Harris said she would fund her Senate campaign with $10 million of her personal fortune. Last night, on Nightline, she went one step further, declaring her intention to sell all of her personal possessions to fund her Senate race: “My husband has real estate, but I will not own anything.” (Presumably she’s willing to sell her pink spandex bodysuits, which could probably fetch a tidy sum on eBay — especially if they haven’t been laundered.)

Harris also told Nightline’s John Donovan: “I am willing to take this widow’s mite, this pearl of great price, and put everything on the line. No matter how much you have, are you willing to take what you have and sell it all for a great price?”

Our Floridian tipster observes:

“A ‘widow’s mite’ is the small amount of money that a widow put in the alms tray, which Jesus said was worth more than a great amount given by a rich man. Ten million isn’t a widow’s mite by any stretch, especially considering that Kate’s husband is worth twice that and she won’t be suffering in any conceiveable way. The ‘pearl of great price’ phrase is put to even worse use — it has nothing to do whatsoever with wealth or money but refers to the kingdom of heaven.

So it is worth noting that not only is she an idiot but also that she is attempting to pander to the religious right. Scary.”

Earlier: BEST NEWS EVER
Here is a Picture of Katherine Harris Wearing Pink Spandex and Riding a Horse. You May Thank Us At Your Leisure.

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Coded Messages to Bush’s Base in Last Night’s State of the Union Address

If you’re reading this, you’re probably not a member of the Christian Right. So we thought we’d help you catch up on a couple things you missed. Don’t blame yourself if you didn’t catch these — the coded language of the moral majority grows more complex every year.

In a system of two parties, two chambers and two elected branches, there will always be differences and debate.

Means: This is why Gay Marriage doesn’t work.

In a complex and challenging time, the road of isolationism and protectionism may seem broad and inviting, yet it ends in danger and decline.

Means: You have my permission to kill abortion doctors.

At the start of 2006, more than half the people of our world live in democratic nations. And we do not forget the other half — in places like Syria and Burma, Zimbabwe, North Korea and Iran — because the demands of justice and the peace of this world require their freedom as well.

Means: I am not sure how to pronounce “Myanmar.”

So we’re seeing some old temptations return. Protectionists want to escape competition, pretending that we can keep our high standard of living while walling off our economy.

Means: Protectionism = birth control. Our economy = our nation’s supply of fertile teenage wombs.

Tonight I ask you to pass legislation to prohibit the most egregious abuses of medical research: human cloning in all its forms; creating or implanting embryos for experiments; creating human-animal hybrids;

Means: Even now, I am keeping you, the true believers, safe from a vast army of Mole People living deep beneath the surface of the Earth.

President Bush’s State of the Union Address [WP]

READ MORE: bush, christian right, coded messages, fertile teenage wombs, gay marriage, human-animal hybrids, manimal, mole people, pandering to the base, sotu