11:41 — DeWine reminds us of a suburban bank branch manager. He talks kinda like Jimmy Stewart, though. He is reading his History Day presentation on “The CIA.”

“Do you agree that we need to be more creative and risk-taking?” Oy, this is bull **** .

“The culture of the Agency was such that this baby will be strangled in the crib.” We forgot what he’s talking about, but that’s a really creepy metaphor.

The Jimmy Stewart thing is bugging us. “In th-th-that light, lemme ask you a question… uhhhhh…. ehhhh…. Ah-ah-ah… are you gonna shut down the Savings and Loan?”

We’ve considered turning this off and putting in The Philadelphia Story.

11:32 — Levin: Will you be nice to detainees? How bout that Geneva Convention?
Hayden: Uh… not really.
Levin: Convention against torture?
Hayden: Detainee Treatment Act.
Levin: Yeah, but that’s for the DoD. Not the CIA.
Hayden: So it is, yes.
Levin: Well, my time’s up.

11:29 — Hayden: “I was uncomfortable.” W/ DoD’s personal intelligence analysis study group and their Al-Qaeda-Iraq link. Which leads to “I got three great kids.”

Holy **** he just threatened to build up a dossier on his KIDS! HE WILL PROVE CONCLUSIVELY A HAYDEN’S KIDS-SADDAM HUSSEIN LINK.

Levin: Will you describe the difference between the bad way to do things and the way you will do things? Hayden: “18 years of Catholic education, I know a lot about deductive reasoning.”

“What happens when induction meets deduction, Senator?” Two great tastes that taste great together.

Levin: Did you have a disagreement with the Defense Secretary? By the way, you’re wearing a uniform.
Hayden: DoD put my testimony on their website. NSA didn’t. “My solution was something like the founding fathers’.” Own slaves, shoot English people, fight Indians. Right?

11:20 — “Some significant percentage, it’s a big number, of that organization that attacked us on September 11,” has been taken care of. Al-Qaeda is “on it’s back foot right now.”

Levin sounds kinda out of breath. He brings it back to the NSA program. He gets Hayden to say he “participated in the design of the program.” Levin: “Will you at least say that there is a privacy concern?” Maybe? Please? Just say it. “Privacy issue.” Come on.

Hayden: Nope. I did give a talk about freedom vs. security.

The most he can get out of him is “I can certainly understand why someone would be concerned.” And “there are privacy concerns in everything we do.”

Did your people agree with the specious legal argument made by the President? The “Authotization of Force” allows us to do anything we want argument? Hayden: “Article 2! Article 2!”

11:10 — HumInt vs. SigInt! Jargon time! “Two games going on simultaneously,” sez Hayden. One in the agency, one in the greater community. Two games, no ref. Also, both games are air hockey. And the table’s not plugged in. And we’re out of quarters. SPORTS METAPHORS, YES.

DoD and CIA getting on just fine, thank you! Everyone’s friends. Kit is trying to get him to smackdown Rumsfeld. Closest he’ll get is saying that “on the ground,” DoD intelligence is doing the exact same thing as CIA intelligence. But don’t worry, they’re going to draw a “bright line” between them. Divide Iraq down the middle with chalk, Rumsfeld has to stay on his side, Negroponte on the other. HILARITY ENSUES.

Bond read a book on the CIA in Afghanistan. Whattya want, one of Hayden’s medals?

11:03 — Hayden: Affect of leaks on terrorist-capturing: “It’s almost Darwinian.” WILL HE BE THE FIRST ADMINISTRATION APPOINTEE WHO BELIEVES IN DARWIN? WE DON’T CARE ABOUT “PROBABLE CAUSE,” PUT THIS GUY IN CHARGE OF THE NEA FER CHRISSAKES.

11:00 — Kit Bond! Secret Agent Senator! “Are you a lawyer?” No, he is not. Kit wants to know that how we can stop the wiretapping program from, say, “listening in on the media.” Don’t think they’re particularly interested in stopping that. Ha ha, Hayden: In terms of making sure the program is lawful, “others are more expert than I.”

There’s a target folder that explains the rationale with a lengthy check-list. Hooray. “To the best of my knowledge, folks out there are batting 1,000.” Kit basing his questions on stuff he heard on the radio this morning. He’s gonna ask Hayden about that video of the bear eating the monkey next.

10:49 — What the hell is Pat Roberts talking about. Where will you put dissenters on the assumption train? The front? The middle? Not the caboose. Well, Senator, we’re pretty sure the CIA doesn’t really care where dissenters sit on the assumption train, as long as that train is headed for secret Soviet-era eastern European prisons.

10:42 — During the break, Jane Harman says the administration is violating the law and the constitution. She’s looking pretty good, actually. Testy works for her. Kind of a slow burn. She wears it much more calmly than Pelosi. Can we switch them?

The Immigration vote has finished, we’re pretty sure they passed leglislation outlawing Mexico forever. And we’re coming to order! Proceed to questions! Members will be recognized in the order of their arrival! Chairman Howie Mandel explains the rules.

Roberts: Will you be our friend?
Hayden: Yes.
Roberts: Allow me to agree with your opening statement. We will kind of pay attention to what you do, though. Is that ok?

Hayden pretends to take notes on Roberts’ babbling. Cute. He is writing: a) “Christ, what an **** .” b) “Pick up milk, tap Wyden’s phone.” c) “Harman: new haircut?”

Roberts: General, will you retroactively screw up Iraq WMD intelligence?
Hayden: Probably not, no.

10:16 — VERY SHORT RECESS. Wow, that was exciting. Check back for more, once the actual questioning starts.

10:15 — The football metaphors are killing us. Hayden will focus on “getting it right more often.” Can’t argue with that. Man, those medals are shiny. He should put like a couple bowling trophies on the table. Seems like anyone with epaulets is gonna get confirmed, right? “Speaking truth to power” — check. He will do that. Where “power” = your phone and “speaking truth” = “listening in.”

This is like a “bring your dad to school day.” What does a CIA director do all day? By Richard Scarry. The CIA has become the football. BE THE BALL, GENERAL.

And we finally get to the press-bashing. Accountability is good, but only when they do it to themselves. Accountability = bad when it’s in the New York Times.”The CIA needs to get out of the news, as source, or subject.” Well, if they want to get out of the news, their options are either a) fire all the non-political hacks or b) stop being a pit of incompetence and criminal negligence. Hayden doesn’t indicate which one he’s leaning towards.

10:04 — Pat Roberts’ openeing statement: “Al-Qaeda is planning another attack RIGHT NOW, AS WE HOLD THIS HEARING”

Levin: Will you restore analytical objectivity and speak truth to power or will you be a hack, huh?
Hayden: Uh, hack. Wait, no, the other one, sorry. Ha. Boy am I red in the face.
Levin: Almost got you!

Levin’s opening statement touches on all the issues that Hayden will refuse to answer questions about. Senator Rockefeller is recovering nicely from back surgery, and watching the hearing on C-Span. Just like us!

Hayden’s opening statement: A few words on Porter Goss. “As director, Porter fostered a transformation that the agency must continue…” very gracious. Whoo, here we go on the “Webster’s Dictionary defines ‘the CIA’ as…” bit. Apparently, this CIA thing is involved in… intelligence? Security? The CIA remains… central — geddit?

FIRST SPORTS METAPHOR. The CIA is like some sort of football player. “Even top players need to focus on the scoreboard, not on their individual achievements.” No no no, Mike! They’re supposed to keep their eyes on the ball!

• Oh, the fun we have! Chris Matthews’ friends laughed at Kim Eisler, then Wonkette’s friends laughed at Chris Matthews’ stationery.
• But no one laughed at Jack Kingston’s attempt to cop some street cred.
• Ports, Ports, Ports.
• Having saved David Gregory’s job, we are expecting to be the next recipient of one of his giggly drunk international calls. It’s only fair, Dave.
• We witnessed the all-too-soon end of Take Your Legislator To Lunch day. To everyone’s disappointment.
• Wolf met Jack, and it looks like we made it through the post without a Brokeback Mountain joke! Good work all, drinks all around.
• We called Pat Roberts, and he didn’t seem particularly happy to hear from us. Sometimes we just think funny things…
• They may not be able to convince the International Community that they’re a responsible governing body, but Hamas has convinced 10-year-old girls across the world that martyrs are totally cute.
• Ex-prostitute Tom Malin is not an ex-gay ex-prostitute. He is also, unfortunately, not a Texas State Representative.
• We got drunk at the Press Club Which son do you think Mrs. Reed is prouder of: Lou, or the one who edits that libertarian magazine?
• Is the military censoring Wonkette? Not exactly, unless you have a pretty liberal definition of “censoring.” But someone doesn’t like us, that’s for sure.
• The State Department is, apparently, a hotbed of bitchy gossip and infighting. Obviously, we’ll be much more interested in it from here on out. U.S. Ambassador to Sudan: “Where’s your prophet now?”
• Is it just us, or were there like fifty identical poll results released this week that were all treated as breaking news? Anyway, we just liked the ones that came with graphics.

As you may have heard in our Morning Roundup, the seven member subgroup of the Senate Intelligence Committee received their first White House briefing on the Bush’s domestic wiretapping nonsense. The Washington Post article on the briefing contained one section that immediately gave us a case of the WTFs.

Members of the Senate subcommittee — which, along with Roberts and Rockefeller, includes Republicans Mike DeWine (Ohio), Orrin G. Hatch (Utah) and Christopher S. Bond (Mo.) and Democrats Carl M. Levin (Mich.) and Dianne Feinstein (Calif.) — will not be able to share what they learn with the other eight members of the intelligence panel, according to rules the White House has proposed.

That is the foofiest **** ing idea we’ve ever heard! How can a debate about intelligence priorities take place if the entire committee isn’t on an equal footing? Are the non-committee members going to have to sit in smaller chairs, too?

Here is how we imagine the future of the Senate Intelligence Committee:

[sorry, only super special Wonketteers can read after the jump]

Saxby Chambliss: Now, looking ahead. I have to say that I’m very concerned with what I’m hearing out of Oman.

Mike DeWine: [snickers]

Dianne Feinstein: Yeah…[laughing]…yeah. You WOULD be concerned.

Pat Roberts: Oooh, yeah, Saxby. Tell us all about—Haha!—allllll, HAHAHAHAHA! Oooh, oh boy.

Carl Levin: [airquoting] “OMAN,” I’m really worried!

[the members of the subcommittee all laugh]

Barbara Mikulski: Jesus. This must be what it’s like to know those **** s at The Note.

Trent Lott: Word.

Panel on Eavesdropping Is Briefed by White House [Washington Post]

As you know, yesterday, the Senate Intelligence Committee voted along party lines to reject a motion by Senator Rockefeller to hold hearings on President Bush’s warrantless domestic wiretapping program. Elsewhere, the wheels are turning in the halls of Congress to hastily grant the President after-the-fact power to continue to wiretap Americans without oversight from any legal authority.

We know that here at Wonkette, we’re often tagged as snarky complainers who contribute little more than irrelevant mirthmaking. And we’ve been a little critical of this eavesdropping program in the past. But for once, we thought to ourselves: “Why, Wonkette, why? Why not embrace the administration’s unique vision? Why do we always have to tear down the efforts of our elected officials? Why not rise to the spirit of the occasion, and set an example for others to follow?”

Needless to say, we started feeling really good about ourselves. And so, we decided to call the offices of Senator Pat Roberts.

(Our conversation after the jump.)

The phone picks up.

“Good morning, you’ve reached the office of Senator Pat Roberts.”

“Good morning, my name is Margot, known as Missy, and I’m calling from the Washington, DC offices of Wonkette. I hate to take up too much of your time, and I don’t know if Senator Roberts or any of his aides are currently on the phone, but could you be a dear and just conference me in on one of their calls so I can listen in?”

[a long period stunned silence]

“I’m sorry. You’re with who?”

“The Washington DC office of Wonkette.”

“And you’d like us to conference you in to one of our calls?”

“That’s right.”

“And could I ask why?”

“Why sure! I just want to, you know, listen in.”

“I’m sorry. We can’t do that.”

“Really? Gosh. I’m a little surprised, considering the Senator’s voting record!”

“I’m sorry.”

“Well, that’s okay. Thanks anyway!”

“Goodbye.”

Gee whiz! We were only trying to participate in all the great new laws!

Oh well, maybe some of you might have better luck with, let’s say, Senator Hagel!

• Administration requests $72.4b for operations in Iraq and Afghanistan plus $19.8b for the Gulf Coast. [NYT, W$J, WT]
• Senate, under pressure from the administration, will not investigate NSA eavesdropping; House inquiry moves forward. [WP, NYT, LAT]
• Bush has no problem with handling of Cheney’s hunting accident: “This is a man who likes the outdoors, and he likes to hunt… I’m satisfied with the explanation he gave.” [NYT, USAT]
• Texas police close their investigation of hunting accident without making criminal charges. [WP]
• Sen. Arlen Specter (R-Pa.) denies wrongdoing in new lobbying scandal but asks for ethics investigation. [WP, NYT, USAT]
• Is Cheney more of a liability for Republicans than an asset? [W$J]

• Sen. Pat Roberts (R-Kan.) wants to toughen rules on leaking. [WP]
• Rep. Christopher Shays (R-Conn.) is leading the effort to protect whistle-blowers: “It’s absolutely essential that we have a system that allows people to speak out about abuses, especially in the national security realm.” [NYT]
• Democrats want to remove Gonzales from Justice Department investigation of lobbying. [WT]
• House Republicans block effort by Rep. Nancy Pelosi to start ethics investigation of budget bill. [NYT]
• Filibuster of Patriot Act ends. [WT]
• Rumsfeld responds to Rep. John Murtha (D-Pa.): “The idea that you should paint a picture and hang crepe over it, that everything’s horrible in Iraq, is not true.” [WT]
• Since 1990, Democrats have received $53m from lobbyists while Republicans have collected $48m. [WT]
• Immigration issue could undermine Republican popularity in Florida. [WP]

• Approval of Bush rests at 36% in Newsweek poll: most Americans are pessimistic about the direction of the country and do not believe Bush can be effective; 65% disapprove of his handling of Iraq; and the Republican "base seems to be cracking." [Newsweek]
• Alito, in 1985, wrote that he believes "very strongly" that "the Constitution does not protect a right to an abortion." [WT]
• Coalition of liberal groups including Naral, Planned Parenthood, the AFL-CIO, the Sierra Club, and the NAACP are set to launch an anti-Alito television campaign; line of attack will expand beyond abortion. [NYT]
• Pat Roberts (R-Kan.) says senators have learned to be critical of intelligence findings before approving military action: "We don't accept this intelligence at face value anymore." [WP]
• Brownstein says the GOP "has tilted its agenda so heavily to the demands of its conservative base that moderates feel alienated. Over the next year, the choice for Republicans is whether to adapt to that evidence." Democrats, meanwhile, must "coalesce behind comprehensive solutions to the problems most concerning the country." [LAT]
• Bush leaves today on four-day trip to Asia. [USAT]
• Time magazine names Mike Huckabee, Mark Warner, Kenny Guinn, Janet Napolitano, and Kathleen Seblius as the country's top governors. [Time]
• With close ties to Bush loyalists, "Progress for America often functions like an unofficial extension of the White House, advancing the president's policies alongside the Republican National Committee." [NYT]

• Congress is rushing to submit budget reductions before Friday deadline; Republicans "are caught between party loyalty to tax cuts and growing pressure to cut spending." [USAT, WSJ]
• Republican candidate for governor of New Jersey blames Bush's unpopularity for his loss. [NYT]
• Dean does not rule out filibustering Alito. [USAT]
• Clintons visit site of terrorist bombings in Jordan. [NYT]
• U.S. and Saudi Arabia begin ongoing "strategic dialogue" on terrorism, energy, military affairs, and development, but not democracy-building. [WP]
• Chertoff still intends to overhaul DHS. [WP]
• Harriet Miers is back to her "familiar role": "chin up and head down." [NYT]

• Approval of Bush slips to 37%, a new low in WSJ/NBC polling; 79% believe the leak investigation is "a serious matter" and a majority say Bush "deliberately misled people" to war. [WSJ]
• House Republicans scrap ANWR drilling to ensure passage of budget. Schumer: "If you are a moderate Republican, you are starting to say, 'I am not going to follow George Bush over the cliff.'" [WP, NYT]
• Republicans fear implications of Tuesday's elections; Democrats have their own lessons to learn. Pollster: "The waning of enthusiasm for Bush and his presidency is national." [LAT, WP, WT]
• Senators press top oil executives about their profits; "if the hearing had an air of the theater, the public resentment articulated by the senators was real." Milbank: "[I]nstead of calling oil executives on the carpet yesterday, senators gave them the red-carpet treatment." [WP, NYT, WSJ, USAT, WT]
• Bush splits with Republicans over ban of abusive treatment of detainees. [USAT]
• Judith Miller leaves The New York Times. [WP, WP, NYT]
• Chalabi denies misleading the U.S. and offers to testify before Congress. [USAT, WP]
• Senate Judiciary Committee considers televising Supreme Court proceedings. [LAT]

• Congress expected to curtail Patriot Act. [WP]
• Kaine campaign is praised. [WP]
• Senate Select Committee on Intelligence outlines inquiry of pre-war intelligence. [WP]
• Roberts asks Frist to postpone congressional investigation of leak to the Washington Post until the Justice Department has concluded theirs. [WP]
• Ethics are likely to come up during Alito's confirmation hearing; Democrats expect him to be confirmed. [WP, LAT, WT]
• Jack Abramoff priced a meeting with Bush at $9m for the president of Gabon. [NYT]
• President of Amtrak claims he was dismissed for ideological reasons. [NYT]
• John Edwards says his vote for the war in Iraq was a mistake. [WP]
• 50% think the press are not fair to Bush, according to Pew survey. [WT]
• Documentary about 2004 election in Ohio shows "that the Bush campaign was run by major-league professionals and the Kerry campaign by bush-league amateurs." [NYT]

• Reliable Source: Angelina Jolie proves a distraction at Capitol Hill conference on HIV/AIDS. Richard Branson also testifies: "If this were the U.S., there would be a war room set up.". . . Lynne Cheney visits and revisits Pottery Barn. . . Connie Mack (R-Fl.) is divorcing. [WP]
• Under the Dome: Five Hall of Fame baseball players dragged out to talk about steroid legislation. . . Letter from two Democrat lawmakers regarding Plan B may have influenced FDA commissioner to resign. . . John Dingell (D-Mich.), Mark Foley (R-Fla.), Pat Roberts, ABC's John Cochran, Howard Fineman, Matt Cooper, and Ben Bradlee attend screening of "Flightplan" hosted by Dan Glickman. [The Hill]
• Inside the Beltway: Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents found themselves hounded for ice by confused hurricane victims. [WT]
• Lloyd Grove's Lowdown: Gloria Steinem says '08 is too soon for Hillary. [NYDN]
• Rush & Molloy: Ari Fleischer is working for Bud Selig. [NYDN]