Wasting Away in Gitmojitoville

Rep. Duncan Hunter (R - CA) has touted Camp Gitmo’s spa-caliber cuisine and resort-like location. Rush Limbaugh has picked up on the vacation theme too, and Dick Cheney says the prison’s detainees are “living in the tropics” and have “everything they could possibly want.”

We can’t help but think they’re selling the place short, however. Why? Because along with the great food and the great weather, there’s also enough booze to drown the French Quarter:

American Forces Press Service: Working “inside the wire” of the enemy combatant detention facility can lead to stress for the U.S. troops working here…[Combat stress control specialist Army Sgt. Michelle Olson] said increased drinking is a particular issue within the joint task force. “Unfortunately at Guantanamo, on average people will increase their alcohol consumption by 300 percent when they come here.”

What are they drinking? Gitmojitos! Here’s the recipe: fresh spearmint leaves, a couple of limes, 2 tablespoons of sugar, two ounces of rum, and some club soda. Prisoner version? Top it off with a generous splash of urine.

We kid, of course — the prisoners don’t get to drink at all. But why are the guards so thirsty? Well, not because Gitmo stresses you out, that’s for sure. They drink so much because Gitmo is a tropical island paradise, just like Dick and Rush say it is, and people love to party there. Still, an important question remains: are they using a really premium brand, like Bambu? If not, then somebody call the Red Cross! That Bacardi crap is torture. — GREG BEATO

Cheney Says Detainees Are Well Treated [AFP]
Troops Deal With Stress [AFPS]

READ MORE: Patriotism