Wonkette

Guess who made a campaign stop in Iowa this morning? Mike Huckabee! Iowa! 2012! It’s the new-new Republican Party, with a platform based on Huckabee’s special blend of a) jesus-y socialism, b) weight-loss schemes, c) playing bass in the Christian Rock band “The Wiggles,” and d) just cold puttin’ down Mitt Romney all the time, because Romney SUX. Also Huckabee is selling his shitty book, about how much he hates Mitt. [CNN]

Henry Wax Man, Man of Wax: as chairman of the House Oversight Committee, he has basically subpeonaed the entire Bush administration and asked them why they all suck so much. Henry Waxman rules! And now he will be taking his brand of California liberal ass-kickery to the Energy and Commerce Committee, where he just ousted the tragic Detroit toady John Dingell as chairman. MORE »

Ted Stevens is 85 years old and has served in the United States Senate since Reconstruction. He now has to leave, because he lost his latest re-election bid to some warm-blooded mammal from Anchorage. Join us as he delivers a stirring rendition of “Non, je ne regrette rien” before committing seppuku with a whale tusk. MORE »

At the University of Georgia, a supersecret society of kinky hedonist plutocrats has spent years grooming its minions for high public office. This society is called “the Sigma Chi fraternity,” and both Jim Martin and Saxby Chambliss were members in the early 1960s. To what foul overlords have Martin and Chambliss pledged their undying fealty, and what will this mean for the United States Senate when one of them is elected to represent the great state of Georgia? MORE »

UNCLE TED TO DELIVER HEARTBREAKING SWAN SONG: Ooooh this will be good! We hear that Ted Stevens will be giving his valedictory address to the Senate at 11am Eastern, so we will be liveblogging that. Get yourself a carton of caribou jerkey and we’ll see you back here in an hour. [Washington Post]

NAPOLITANO TO RUN HOMELAND SECURITY: Barack Obama has asked the Arizona governor Janet Napolitano to run the useless, bloated Department of Homeland Security. She was frequently mentioned on Obama’s short list of possible vice presidents, but presumably that would have been just too many vowels on the ticket, so she gets this instead: figuring out how to keep an influx of Canadian terror-squads from invading Minnesota. [Politico]

What is up here? George Bush is not shaking anybody’s hand, nobody’s shaking his hand, it is an international diplomatic crisis! It will be nice to have a President whom the leaders of other nations do not find so physically revolting they can’t stand to touch him briefly. [YouTube]

• Medical insurers propose a new health care plan: they will not turn anyone down for coverage, as long as everybody is required to have it. Thorny questions linger regarding affordability and enforcement of a mandate, and Barack Obama has no comment on the industry proposal. [New York Times]
• The Wall Street Journal has a comment on Max Baucus’ healthcare proposal — one that “closely resembles the one Mr. Obama campaigned on”: Sucky sucky. [Wall Street Journal]
• The genome for the woolly mammoth has been sequenced, so scientists can finally figure out how to use Robin Williams’ stem cells to cure Parkinson’s. [Information Week]
• Poland still wants their missile-defense system, but they aren’t going to nag Barack Obama about it. [Washington Post]
• The liberal Democrat Arnold Schwarzenegger spoke out against global warming at a meeting of US governors and their overseas counterparts. [Reuters]
• Unemployment claims are the highest they’ve been in 16 years — 25 if you consider the rolling 4-week average. Prosperity! [MarketWatch]

• DEPRESSION DESERT: “Alexander Pantages, the Greek tycoon, moved from Seattle to Los Angeles and gave Walt Disney a start in the animated-film business. But Pantages had other interests, and as Wall Street collapsed in 1929, he was tried and convicted for the rape of a 17-year-old dancer.” [LA CityBeat]

Dubious comic talent Al Franken was beating Norm Coleman in the Minnesota recount, two hours ago, but now Coleman is ahead by 174 votes! This will go on, back and forth, until the remaining 82% of the vote is recounted. The loser gets a show on Air America. [Star Tribune]