
We apologize for our long absence today. We had to lie down for a few hours after witnessing THE CUTEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED ON THIS EARTH. We're serious. Baby Jesus surrounded by kittens on rollerskates singing "All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth," that might come close. A puppy riding a pony in a cowboy outfit while pretending to rob a bank? Eh. We have seen The Stick in a bowl. Observe:

RELATED: The Onion catches on.
RELATED: The gold standard of cute. This was cuter.
READ MORE: apologies , baby jesus , butterstick , kittens , ponies , puppies
You want to know why John Kerry didn't win in 2004? Listen to this rant by Kerry communications staffer Jim Loftus, caught in the upcoming documentary, "Inside the Bubble."
When I was an advance guy if someone said, 'Get a pony on the 10th floor of this hotel in four hours -- I want a pony on the 1028 floor in four hours,' I would have said, 'What color eyes should it have?' All I got -- I gave these guys four days, 'Find me a pony, get it in the goddamn room...' -- 'Where am I gonna find a pony?' I said, 'Go to the fucking phone book, you're an advance guy!'"Of course. For want of a pony. . .
READ MORE: 2004 campaign , documentaries , jim loftus , john kerry , ponies
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