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BREAKING: Harry Whittington Suffers Heart Attack; Joke Moratorium Instituted
UPDATE: Bumped to stem the flow of emails. No, he’s not dead, and there’s no way in hell Cheney will be charged with anything if that changes.
This just in:
The 78-year-old lawyer who was shot by Vice President Dick Cheney in a hunting accident has some birdshot lodged in his heart and he had a “minor heart attack,” a hospital official said Tuesday. Peter Banko, the hospital administrator at Christus Spohn Hospital Corpus Christi-Memorial, said Harry Whittington had the heart attack early Tuesday while being evaluated.
Whittington has been moved back to the intensive care unit as a result of this heart attack. The news is probably very worrisome to Dick Cheney — who, of course, knows a thing or two about heart attacks…
Here at Wonkette, we feel like we have a little quail egg on our faces. We opined that it was silly and lurid for the media to be so obsessively interested in how much ammunition would be left unremoved in Whittington’s body. But it was this unremoved ammunition that gave rise to the heart attack, by moving around inside Whittington’s body and lodging into part of his heart.
A moratorium on all jokes related to the Cheney shooting has been instituted — subject, however, to purchasing a $7 permit for the privilege.
Hunter Shot By Cheney Has Heart Attack [WP]
Earlier: Hospital Briefing: The Cheney Shooting
READ MORE: birdshot, breaking, buckshot, dick cheney, guns, harry whittington, hunting accidents, quail hunting mishaps, quails, top
Hospital Briefing: The Cheney Shooting
Did any of you tune into the afternoon press conference at the Christus Spohn Hospital (Corpus Christi Memorial), where Dick Cheney shooting victim Harry Whittington is being treated? It wasn’t as exciting as the White House briefing earlier this afternoon; but we tuned in, since it was either that or Judge Hatchett. See — we stay home and watch TV, so you don’t have to!
Peter Banko, the hospital administrator, and Dr. David Blanchard, director of emergency services, stuck to their main talking points: Whittington is definitely not croaking; he’s in stable condition, not serious or critical; he’s being moved out of the ICU, although he’s not being released today; and he’s in good spirits, even cracking jokes. (Banko and Blanchard declined to share any of Whittington’s jokes.)
Then came the press questions — which turned out to be as silly as those posed at the White House conference that we blogged about previously. After Banko and Blanchard rehashed their talking points about four times, Dr. Blanchard slipped up and deviated slightly from the script: he admitted that not all of the shotgun pellets would be surgically removed from Whittington (who was hit in the face, neck, and torso).
This led to a solid five minutes’ worth of lurid questioning about what exactly was going to be left inside the poor man: Why aren’t all of the bullets being removed from Mr. Whittington’s body? Exactly how many pellets will remain inside of him? What percentage of the total ammunition will not be removed? One almost expected a reporter to ask, “Will Mr. Whittington be able to pass through airport metal detectors — or will he have to unscrew his head?”
The mainstream media doesn’t have a monopoly on the truth — and bloggers don’t have a monopoly on tastelessness.
Whittington Recovering Rapidly, Hospital Says [Houston Chronicle]
Earlier: For Future Reference
White House Briefing: The Cheney Shooting
For the Record
Dick Cheney Finally Takes a Stand Against Trial Lawyers
READ MORE: Media, christus spohn hospital, corpus christi, david blanchard, dick cheney, guns, harry whittington, hunting accidents, peter banko, quail hunting mishaps, quails, shooting
