Hayden Hearing Livebloggin’: How Many Damn Senators Are On This Committee?

4:26 — Wyden: “This summer you were the public relations frontman for the warrantless wiretapping program, today you say you want to keep the CIA out of the news.”

BURN! Aww, Wyden’s so cute. Problem with overclassification, he says. “Alcoholic beverage preferences of some politicians gets classified.” Whoa, really? Whose? Kennedy’s a whiskey guy, we’re guessing Snowe likes a stiff gin and tonic.

They’re kicking Wyden off now. He is so gonna cry. Back to Levin? Oy.

4:18 — It’s the lightening round! Back to Levin! Five minutes! How ‘bout torture? How ‘bout FISA? How ‘bout “content”? “Content” means “everything between ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye.’” So terrorists can really trip them up by starting conversations with “Wuzzzuuuuuupppp” and finishing with “Catch you on the flip side.”

OH MY GOD WE CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE. WE ALL KNOW YOU’RE GOING TO CONFIRM THE SONUVABITCH. He could reveal that he routinely dissects puppies for sexual pleasure and slept with the chairman’s wife, and Levin and Bayh would still be asking him how he thinks they should re-write FISA to do whatever the fuck they’re already doing.

Well, at least Levin brought up Scooter Libby for no reason. Our ears perked up, at least. Back to Wyden!

4:10 — Back to regular order! Back to Bond! Everyone only gets five minutes! But Linus Wyden was promised two more 20-minute questioning periods! Ha ha, Wyden, no one likes you!

4:02 — Hayden’s entire testimony: “You’re not afraid to call a ball a strike on the back of the inside plate when it’s the bottom of the 9th and you’re up by three runs and you hear the two-minute warning and your linebacker’s got a torn ACL and your kicker’s in the penalty box and the line judge gives you a yellow card and…”

READ MORE: Barbara Mikulski, CIA, hearings, michael hayden, nsa, saxby chamblis, senate, top