Wonkette’s Week in Review: All The News That Fits

• CIA Director Porter Goss called it quits this week, and didn’t make up a reason for leaving. Not even the standard “time with my family” excuse, which of course makes us think it had something to do with the hookers or the gambling and payola. Anyway, he’s back on the gulf shore already, and everyone is waiting to hear who the next shady character to take over the job is going to be.

• Scott McClellan gave his last press conference on Friday. The door did not hit his ass on the way out.

• In a drug-addled haze, Patrick Kennedy drove his car into a concrete barrier early Thursday morning. We were so hoping it was an 8-ball he chased with a liter of plastic-bottle vodka, but it looks like Pat is just your average congressional pill-popper. To add insult to self-induced injury, he only made it three blocks away from the bar before he crashed, which is nothing new for him. This was the straw that broke the camel’s back, though, and he’s admitted powerlessness and is heading to rehab. Godspeed Patrick, we’ll probably see you there soon.

• All the breaking real news wore us out, so we took a little break to talk some smack about Elaine Chao.

• Crazy-ass Zacarias Moussaoui gets to spend the rest of his life at a supermax prison in South Park Florence, Colorado.

• Dick Cheney is featured in the June Vanity Fair. The article confirms a lot of suspicions about him being a bit of an odd duck and a “big time” asshole.

• We almost forgot, there was huge party last weekend that we wrote all about after sobering up. Of course after the party, there’s the after-party, and after the party it’s the hotel lobby.

READ MORE: CIA, White House, accidents, alcohol, annoying people, assholes, bit of an odd duck, breaking, briefings, conspiracies, crazy talk, dick cheney, drugs, drunk driving, elaine chao, events, gossip, hawk ‘n’ dove, hookers, law, mysterious resignations, parties, patrick kennedy, pills, porter goss, prom, prostitutes, resignations, scandal, scott mccellan, sex scandal, sex scandals, supposedly good dancing republicans, terror, terrorism, top, unverified rumors, war on terror, wednesday morning massacrette, week in review, whca, whcd, zacarias moussaoui

Scott McClellan’s Very Last Press Briefing

It begins in about 5 minutes. Pour out a 40 for him. Maybe this’ll be the one where he reveals that it was all a horrible, Ambien-induced hallucination.

We think it should be a clip show, or a slow-motion montage set to “Good Riddance (Time of Your Life).”

READ MORE: White House, briefings, scott mccellan, top, wednesday morning massacrette

Daily Briefing: ‘Theater of the Absurd’

• Administration and Sen. Frist (R-Tenn.) agree on 45-day review of Dubai port deal. Scott McClellan: “We believe, however, the additional time and investigation at the request of the company will provide Congress with a better understanding of the facts, and that Congress will be comfortable with the transaction moving forward once it does.” [WP, NYT, NYT, W$J, USAT]
• States make decisions on the “morning-after” pill as the FDA wavers. [WP]
• Army will reimburse Halliburton subsidiary for nearly $2.4b despite findings of overcharges. [NYT]
• Bush sets off on whirlwind two-day tour of India. [NYT]
• Mike McCurry on the White House press briefings: “It has turned into a theater of the absurd.” Ari Fleischer: “The public perceives the press not as watchdogs but as attack dogs.” [NYT]

READ MORE: 2006, 2008, White House, ari fleischer, army, bill frist, dubai, fda, george w. bush, halliburton, hillary clinton, homeland security, india, john mccain, mike mccurry, morning after pill, national guard, port deal, red cross, rnc, scott mccellan, white house press briefings