Wonkette’s Week in Review

• In case you’re just returning from a long vacation at a secluded Caribbean hideaway, where you had no access to television, radio, newspapers, or the internet, here’s what you missed: Vice President Dick Cheney shot a man last weekend, then took his sweet time in telling the American people about it. (Wonkette’s full coverage is available here.)

• To make matters worse, Dick Cheney may have engaged in “tight hole operations.” (Do you really wanna know what “tight hole operations” are? Click here.)

• Maryland comptroller (and former state governor) William Donald Schaefer is one dirty old man. He might enjoy visiting the offices of Sen. Jeff Sessions.

• Down in the Sunshine State, Donna Shalala is livin’ large, while Ann Coulter is making Palm Beach poll workers eat her dust.

• Meanwhile, back in Washington, Michael Chertoff spent much of last Wednesday sitting in the hot seat before the Senate. It wasn’t as much fun as Brownie’s testimony; but we now know that neither Chertoff nor Donald Rumsfeld uses email.

• Despite continued high jinks on the Hill, America’s lawmakers are getting bored. And if something exciting doesn’t happen soon, they won’t be the only ones. Please, Mr. Vice President — shoot somebody else this weekend!

READ MORE: ann coulter, capitol hill, dick cheney, donald rumsfeld, donna shalala, email, fema, hunting accidents, jeff sessions, michael brown, michael chertoff, senate hearings, technology, tight hole operations, week in review, william donald schaefer

Brownie Under Fire

Money quote from the Brown hearing, thus far: “I had a very good relationship with President Bush. Unfortunately, he called ‘Brownie’ at the wrong time.”

The real reason he didn’t demand faster response from DHS: Didn’t want to be perceived as “a whiner.”
“I had a mission: that mission was to help disaster victims.” He was a one-man search-and-rescue operation! He was loading up a mule (a flotating, aqua-mule) with three tons of fresh drinking water, antibiotics, flood-proof innertubes, and freeze-dried astronaut food, when he was halted by BUREAUCRACY! Chertoff, flanked by a dozen DHS suits brandishing org hierarchy charts and shivs, stopped him to demand that he go thru the chain-of-command.

“DAMMIT, Chertoff,” Brown shouted, throwing down his Bluetooth-enabled impoverished-flood-victim-divining rod, “people are DYING out there!”

“You’re a loose cannon, Brown — you’re getting too close”

“He can have it, Chertoff. I will say as much in my email to my deputy, which I hope the committee will enter into the record at this time.”

The Brown defense relies very obviously on his seeming like a coplete, jibbering idiot — thus placing the blame squarely on the people who appointed him.

UPDATE: Brown just said “dad-gum.”

Brown Asserts He Alerted White House Quickly on Katrina [NYT]

READ MORE: fema, idiotic appointees, katrina, michael brown, new orleans, senate hearings, top