Wonk’d: Asshole Cab Drivers Are The Great Equalizers

It’s a full service edition of Wonk’d, as Bill Frist stands Chrst-like in front of a three-way mirror for a suit fitting, and Jenna and Barbara Bush get spa treatments. LL Cool J and Wolf Blitzer take to the city’s fine dining establishments, while Dick Cheney and Ashlee Simpson stick to the ‘burbs.

Different strokes for different folks. While Teresa Heinz Kerry might not think twice about dropping six bills on dinner, Ruth Bader Ginsburg shops at Safeway like the rest of us. That, and Sam Donaldson has to bribe a cabbie to get picked up, just like we do.

You know the drill: the full list of sightings appears after the jump. And please continue to email us with your celebrity sightings, with “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line. Thanks in advance for your delectable contributions.

READ MORE: Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Personalities, ashlee simpson, barbara bush, bill frist, celebrities, dick cheney, famous-for-dc, famous-for-famous, jenna bush, ll cool j, matthew lesko, newt gingrich, sam donaldson, sheila jackson lee, teresa heinz kerry, wolf blitzer, wonk’d

Cynthia McKinney Will Give Tony Snow Something to Cry About

Tony Snow, at yesterday’s briefing:

MR. SNOW: Well, absolutely — you mean, when we’re talking at Camp David. I think we’re going to try to assess it. I mean, certainly the topic is going to come up, but I think it also comes up not merely as Zarqawi, but Zarqawi and the terror network and what’s going on with insurgency, and old Saddam loyalists. I mean, all those things fit into the picture, and it’s one of the reasons why we want to hear from General Casey and General Abizaid. Cynthia McKinney made the point yesterday in the meeting with the President that the one thing they had gotten from generals there were thorough and honest assessments of what’s going on. And that’s part of what we expect to get to.

Appended to that:

CORRECTION: Congresswoman Shelia Jackson Lee made the point yesterday in the meeting with the President that the one thing they had gotten from generals there were thorough and honest assessments of what’s going on.

Tony, you are just asking for a beatdown. Check yourself before your wreck yourself.

Press Briefing by Tony Snow [White House]

READ MORE: White House, congress, cynthia mckinney, press briefings, sheila jackson lee, tony snow, violence

Wonkette’s Week in Review: Bitch Slaps and Wiretaps

• The Senate confirmation hearings for soon-to-be CIA Director Michael Hayden began this week. In the great tradition of the adult film industry, there will be two versions of the hearing; one for cable and one for pay-per-view, er, Senate Members’ Ears Only. We were actually pretty relieved that the hardcore hearings were closed, that shit was long enough. Finally, the denouement: he’s an idiot.

• While the doors were shut on the on the double-extra secret intelligence hearings, the Congressional Catfight kept rolling on. The matches really started getting close. The combatants were fighting (capped) tooth and (manicured) nail.
  
• Tony Snow gave his first televised press briefing this week. It was about as funny as - cancer.

• Anyway, back to the stuff that matters. The catfight between Katherine Harris and Barney Frank was so close it confusingly fucked up our software. Time for a runoff! Which of these two house-side hustlers is the more stylish flirt? You voted, we crunched the numbers, and Katy found that it’s hard to keep your feet dry when you’re kicking in skulls!
  
• Readers hungry after the initial taste of blood got us to add a wild card spot to the catfight.
  
• The Harris vs. Pelosi “Battle of the Botox” is still raging; voting ends Monday.
  
• We threw our considerable political clout behind two pairs a pair of lovely ladies. One wants to be the governor of Nevada, and the other wants more girl-on-girl action in Sacramento.

• Meanwhile, from the “no news is no news” file: the Watergategate scandal continues to simmer, Karl Rove is still not indicted, and the immigration debate continues to rage (with President Bush giving a boring speech that didn’t really please anyone).

• That crazy science. One minute pollution is slowly causing the Earth to cook us to death, the next — CARBON DIOXIDE: WE CALL IT LIFE.

READ MORE: CIA, Media, barney frank, breasts, capitol hill, catfights, commercials, congressional catfight, eavesdropping, endorsements, funny videos, global warming, intelligence committee, katherine harris, liveblogging, michael hayden, nancy pelosi, nsa, polls, pollution, porn, press briefings, psa, senate, sheila jackson lee, tony snow, watergategate, week in review, wiretapping

Congressional Catfight: Pelosi Defeats Jackson-Lee

The latest Congressional Catfight, between Rep. Sheila Jackson-Lee and House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, was thisclose. It really could not have been closer: the winner had 50.1 percent of the votes, and the loser had 49.9 percent of the votes.

It was the catfight version of Bush v. Gore. (Okay, the congressional catfight version of Bush v. Gore; Bush v. Gore was the catfight version of Bush v. Gore.) Out of 2,637 votes cast, the winner was separated from the loser by just three votes. Here’s the breakdown:

So Nancy Pelosi continues to be the upset queen of this competition. First she vaporizes the top-seeded Cynthia McKinney, and now she dispatches #3 seed Sheila Jackson-Lee. Who says Pelosi doesn’t have what it takes to be the next Speaker of the House?

But does she have what it takes to be the Congressional Catfight champion? Perhaps; but she’ll need to defeat one more opponent to take home that honor. Check back this afternoon, when we’ll open the polls in Katherine Harris versus Barney Frank, to see who will square off against Pelosi in the mother of all battles.

Earlier: Congressional Catfight: Jackson-Lee vs. Pelosi

READ MORE: capitol hill, catfights, congressional catfight, crazies, lunatics, nancy pelosi, polls, sheila jackson lee, top

Congressional Catfight: Headed for a Photo Finish

Earlier today, we opened the polls in Congressional Catfight: Jackson-Lee vs. Pelosi. As we head into the evening, the race is super-close: Pelosi narrowly leads Jackson-Lee, 52 percent to 48 percent.

The polls will remain open until tomorrow morning. So if you haven’t voted yet, there’s still time to cast your ballot — just click here.

Earlier: Congressional Catfight: Jackson-Lee vs. Pelosi

READ MORE: capitol hill, catfights, congressional catfight, crazies, lunatics, nancy pelosi, polls, sheila jackson lee

Congressional Catfight: Jackson-Lee vs. Pelosi

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (at left) and Rep. Sheila Jackson-Lee (at right) share a lot in common. Both women are longtime members of the House. Both are outspoken, opinionated, and tough.

And both scored victories in the opening round of Congressional Catfight. Pelosi pulled off an upset of top seed Cynthia McKinney, while Jackson-Lee dispatched Virginia Foxx with ease.

Now Pelosi and Jackson-Lee move into the semifinal round, fighting for the right to take on the winner of Katherine Harris versus Barney Frank. Here’s the match-up:

The polls will stay open until tomorrow morning. So vote away! We guarantee results more reliable than Diebold.

For those of you who are really into the competition, you can see the current state of the tournament bracket after the jump.

READ MORE: capitol hill, catfights, congressional catfight, crazies, lunatics, nancy pelosi, polls, sheila jackson lee, top

Wonkette’s Week in Review: No Standing Eight Count

• The week started off with a double shot of intelligence stories to get us all hot and bothered. Did we say hot? We meant super-hot.

• Sometimes they pop and sometimes they sizzle.

• When nothing’s really happening, it’s easy to get bored. Luckily, Katherine Harris makes such a lovely distraction.

• If it gets really slow, then it’s time to make your own fun. First step: think long and hard about who would win a knock-down, drag-out scratch-battle between two crazy and energized congressional furies. It turns out, no one had to think that hard after all — it was a landslide.

• Next in the ring, House firebrand and chatterbox Sheila Jackson-Lee squared off against “Sergeant Homemade Sweater” herself, Virginia Foxx. This one had a closer finish, but was still a straight beat down.

• This is getting pretty exciting, and now it’s time for two of the pre-tournament ranking favorites: Cynthia “I Train In The Off-Season” McKinney and Nancy “Don’t Make Me Give You The Crazy-Eye” Pelosi. It was neck and neck for a while there, but Nancy reached back to her street roots, and clawed out a victory.
  
• We’re all about equal opportunity, especially in the eye-gouging, arm-biting world of congressional catfights. Enter: the men. The polls stay open until Monday, so keep your clicking fingers warm.

• Nothing else actually happened, so we set up some side-bets: beauty this time, instead of destruction, and the name of the rose.

• No chance of any real fun this weekend, what with the rain and all the police around, so just stay in and consider the possibilities in the Wonkette Fantasy League.

READ MORE: CIA, assholes, barney frank, breasts, capitol hill, catfights, congressional catfight, crazies, crazy talk, cynthia mckinney, david dreier, fbi, gay, gays, gossip, jo ann emerson, katherine harris, lunatics, nancy pelosi, poker, polls, porter goss, sheila jackson lee, supposedly gay republicans, virginia foxx, watergategate, week in review

Congressional Catfight: Jackson-Lee Defeats Foxx

The polls are now closed, and here are your results: Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-TX) has handily defeated Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-NC), by a margin of 64 percent to 36 percent. Although Jackson-Lee’s lead narrowed over time, it was still commanding by the time that voting concluded.

This fight was much closer than Katherine Harris’s demolition of Jo Ann Emerson; but it wasn’t exactly a squeaker. Expect the margins to tighten, and the catfights to grow more competitive, as the tournament goes on.

Later today, we’ll offer you the next catfight up for bids. So come back soon!

Earlier: Congressional Catfight: Sheila Jackson-Lee vs. Virginia Foxx

READ MORE: capitol hill, catfights, congressional catfight, crazies, lunatics, polls, sheila jackson lee, virginia foxx

Congressional Catfight: Sheila Jackson-Lee vs. Virginia Foxx

Time for our next Congressional Catfight face-off: Rep. Sheila Jackson-Lee (on left) versus Rep. Virginia Foxx (on right). Anonymous Hill Staffer had the following to say about each of our worthy competitors:

Shelia JACKSON LEE (D-TX): She’s just fucking nuts, and has something to say about every goddamn bill that’s on the floor. Burns through staff like crazy.

Virginia FOXX (R-NC): She’s like your grandma, if your grandma was a pissed off militant paper wasp of a Republican. Also she wears these dumbass sweaters on the floor (like home-knit and have snowmen on them and stuff). Also, she’s Jamie Foxx’s great aunt.

Combined with the pictures, that should be enough for you to make an informed decision. But if you’d like more information about the candidates, additional tidbits appear after the jump.

Knock yourselves out! This race will be interesting — and surely much closer than the rout of Jo Ann Emerson by Katherine Harris.

If you’re on the fence, a little more about the two candidates is available after the jump.

READ MORE: capitol hill, catfights, congressional catfight, crazies, lunatics, polls, sheila jackson lee, top, virginia foxx

Congressional Catfight: The Competitors and Tournament Ladder

Earlier today, we announced Congressional Catfight, our contest to find the biggest beeatch in the House. (Apologies for the mixed animal metaphors.)

We kicked off the competition with a battle between Rep. Jo Ann Emerson (R-MO) and Rep. Katherine Harris (R-FL). Now, we bring you the full roster of worthy competitors:

Top row, left to right: Jo Ann Emerson (R-MO); Katherine Harris (R-FL); Sheila Jackson Lee (D-TX); Virginia Foxx (R-NC)

Bottom row, left to right: Cynthia McKinney (D-GA); Nancy Pelosi (D-CA); Barney Frank (D-MA); David Dreier (R-CA)

By the way, the polls are still open in the Emerson v. Harris match-up. So if you haven’t voted yet, click here, and make your voice heard.

For those of you who are really excited about this competition, the full tournament ladder, with brackets, appears after the jump.

READ MORE: assholes, barney frank, breasts, capitol hill, catfights, congressional catfight, crazies, cynthia mckinney, david dreier, gay, gays, jo ann emerson, katherine harris, lunatics, nancy pelosi, polls, sheila jackson lee, supposedly gay republicans, virginia foxx

Blind Item Guesses: The Devil Wears a Member’s Pin

Yesterday we asked you for guesses about a blind item: a tempermental member of Congress who goes through staffers like the rest of us go through paper towels. According to our source, this representative — who has been in office just three years — “has had 4 press secretaries (2 were fired), two COS, three LDs, and more leg staff come and go than I have ever heard of. Some get fired… and some just leave.”

This item was a popular one, and many of you submitted guesses. It sounds like every Member is a difficult boss who is churning through staff. Maybe it would have been easier to ask you which Member is not hemorrhaging personnel.

We’ve reprinted your guesses after the jump. And we will also tell you that one of your guesses — or, to be more accurate, at least one of your guesses — is a Member who fits the bill.

READ MORE: Thaddeus McCotter, blind items, capitol hill, chuck schumer, congress, conrad burns, david host, gossip, herb kohl, hill staffers, katherine harris, mark carpenter, rick renzi, sheila jackson lee, staffers, steve pearce, tim murphy, top, unverified rumors

Ask a Hill Staffer: Staff Asses

“Boy,” you say to yourself. “There are a lot of things about the workings of our legislative branch that weren’t covered by Schoolhouse Rock. Where can I go to learn all that stuff the Liberal Edutainment Industry doesn’t want me to know?”

Right here, chief. We got ourselves a pet Hill Staffer who’s dying to hear from you. He wants nothing more than to answer your questions. This week, Unnamed Junior Offical covers congressional sex (again — you people really need a hobby), official letters from MAVERICKS, and, naturally, soup. Catch up on your civics, after the jump. And make sure to send us more questions by shooting us an email with “Ask a Hill Staffer” in the subject line.

READ MORE: Democrats, Republicans, ask a hill staffer, congress, john mccain, mary bono, peter king, senator bean soup, sex, sheila jackson lee, strom thurmond, vern ehlers