• This is how the world will end, not with a bang, but a clank, and the thump of a pneumatic hammer on an elevator. We’re relieved that no one was hurt, but it sure was exciting covering all the action. Er, whatever it is that passes for action. In the end, the biggest danger of the day was the risk of some soiled gabardine, but even that was averted.

• Before we got all excited about some ambiguous loud noise, the Senate confirmed Michael Hayden. That Toby Kieth playlist we made last week came in handy for the celebration.

• Bush marks his territory by peeing ordering the William Jefferson FBI documents sealed.

• The championship round of the Congressional Catfight was this week. Wild card entry “Mean Jean” Schmidt ended up walking away with the title.

• Pat Robertson seeks strength in the Lord, and in the old “Vitamin S”, apparently. Even with the video proof, there are some who doubt that the 700 Club is now the 2000 Club.

• Bill Frist: friend to man and beast.

Did we sound unimpressed when we mentioned earlier that Pat Robertson can leg press 2,000 pounds? If so, we wish to rectify that now: PAT ROBERTSON CAN LEG PRESS 2,000 **** ING POUNDS! How do we know it’s true? His spokesman told CBS Sportsline:

[“]His doctor, by the way, has leg pressed 2,700 pounds. It is not nearly as hard as the authors of these reports make it out to be. We have multiple witnesses to the 2,000 pound leg press, plus video of the 10 reps of 1,000 pounds.”

HOLY **** ! Pat Robertson’s doctor is DR. BRUCE BANNER. Or possibly Jesus HIMSELF.

Robertson also claims to bench press 2,000 pounds. The current world record is slightly over 1,000.

Columnist Clay Travis, who initially found the leg press claims dubious, has acknowledged Robertson’s strength, as well he should. “It has recently come to my attention that you are the Strongest Man in the World,” says Travis, who proceeds to foolishly challenge Robertson to a series of feats of strength. We are totally Christians now, by the way.

Let the Games Being, Rev. Robertson [CBS Sportsline]
Spokesman: Robertson’s Strength Is Legit [CBS Sportsline]
Earlier: Yeah, but Can He Do the Thing With the Ping Pong Balls?