Wonkette’s Week in Review: Deciding Who’s the Biggest Asshole Edition

• The tasteful classic rock hits finally stopped playing, and when they did, Scotty was the one without the chair. We heard later that maybe he never even had a chance.

• We wouldn’t have called it WEDNESDAY MORNING MASSACRETTE just for Scotty. Turns out Turd Blossom has a new job too.

• Wonkette loves a power vacuum. Who, oh who, will not be answering Helen Thomas’s questions now? Qualifications required: 1. Republican 2. Has been on TV.

• It wasn’t all White House this week. In fact, once we heard about Kathrine Harris’s bus tour — not to mention her attempted seduction of a college journalist — we forgot all about the Massacrette.

• You have to respect a congresswoman who’s not afraid to call it like she sees it. We’ve even started emulating her, and so can you, unless you’re too big of an asshole.

• Some people are always looking for signs that the apocalypse is upon us; if you’re one of them, you had a pretty blockbuster week.

• Some too-old-to-hack-it-anymore retired generals are calling for Donald Rumsfeld’s resignation, but Bush says he’s the “decider,” and his decision is: Rummy stays. The President doesn’t want anyone making fun of him anymore either. He’s smart really, just maybe more of “wikilectual,” than, you know, an intellect-ual.

• Loyal readers, you never cease to amaze us. We pose one simple question about some good old-fashioned congressional adultery, and you deluge us with emails filled with your hopes and dreams.

• Way to go, Washington Post! You totally kicked some Times ass, and all thanks to Robin Givhan, who heard the news while wearing an ivory crewneck sweater that was a perfect metaphor for the simple, yet complex task of writing about famous peoples’ clothes, which itself is a reflection of the world’s preoccupation with image as perception, and sometimes a red tie is just a red tie, and she really wants to thank the little people, and oh! thankyou, thankyou, thankyou, air kisses for everyone!

READ MORE: Media, White House, assholes, awards, blind items, capitol hill, field trips, florida, gossip, holy shit, jo ann emerson, karl rove, katherine harris, oh fuck, perverts, pulitzers, resignations, robin givhan, scott mcclellan, sex scandals, shake-ups, swimming costumes, unverified rumors, washington post, week in review

KATHERINE HARRIS + SWIMSUIT + YOU = OUR LOVE FOREVER

ATTENTION EVERYONE IN THE SOUTHEASTERN PART OF OUR GREAT NATION: PLEASE HEAD TO TALLAHASSEE ASAP AND BEGIN PREPARATIONS FOR A MEDIA CIRCUS

Katherine Harris’ s “The American Dream Home Bus Tour from Tampa to Tallahassee”

9:00 - 11:00 p.m. Harris for U.S. Senate Poolside Reception. Doubletree Hotel. (OPEN to PRESS)

SHE’S TOTALLY GONNA WEAR A SWIMSUIT.

DIRECTIONS HERE.

PLEASE, FLORIDIANS, DON’T FAIL US NOW. WE NEED PICTURES. REPORTS. VIDEO. SOUVENIRS. A LOCK OF HER HAIR.

(and it’s urgent, what with her campaign acting even more tailspinny than usual — see the $2,800 dinner paid for by a contractor and the used car salesman mailing-dollar-bills-to-strangers gimmick — that we get as much joy out of Katy while she’s still out there putting on swimming costumes and riding horses and making bizarre public appearances)

There cannot possibly be a better way to spend a Friday night.

North Florida Bus Tour Scheduled [Katherine Harris for Senate]
Contractor Picked Up Dinner Tab For Harris [Orlando Sentinal]
Dollar Ploy Teases Harris Donors [Miami Herald]

READ MORE: breasts, congress, field trips, florida, katherine harris, swimming costumes, top