Gossip Roundup: Back in the Classroom

• Heard on the Hill: Sen. Bill Frist’s middle son Jonathan has a Facebook profile, complete with “hunky photos” and strange group affiliations… Oxygen is recruiting for a reality show called “Capitol Hill Girls”… Jack Abramoff listed Rep. Bob Ney’s golf handicap, but the congressman doesn’t even play. [Roll Call]
• Washington Whispers: Laura Bush’s press secretary was “American Idol” Taylor Hicks’s ninth-grade teacher, so they’re trying to arrange a White House visit… Margaret Spellings is learning Arabic. [USN&WR]

READ MORE: Personalities, american idol, arabic, bill first, bob ney, capitol hill girls, facebook, golf, jack abramoff, jonathan frist, laura bush, margaret spellings, oxygen, reality tv, taylor hicks

Wonkette’s Week in Review: What Money Does Buy

• Short week, short review. First thing you need to know is: on Friday, Wal-Mart tried to answer the questions, “Why you acting shady? Why you ain’t callin’ me baby?”, by having Beyonce and Taylor Hicks perform at their shareholder meeting. CostCo admits they were served.

• In its infinite wisdom, DHS slashed the terror prevention budgets for DC and NYC, redirecting the money towards protection of the nation’s critical booze-producing infrastructure.

• When one slow news day turns into two, you start a slow news streak, and once you’re there, you have to start either making shit up or codifying the obvious.

• 700 million dollar man Hank Paulson was nominated for Treasury Secretary. Everyone is still waiting for the big “Sike!” regarding his love of nature and all God’s creatures.

• After they finished the “rock paper scissors” tournament, the Maryland jury in the “Sniper” case figured enough time had passed to make it look real, and convicted John Allen Muhammad.

• No, Al Gore is not running for President — he’s running for Earth.

• A week without Katherine Harris is like a week without air. Luckily, she’ll never be too far away, regardless of how much it costs.

READ MORE: al gore, american idol, beyonce, conspiracy theories, dhs, global warming, hank paulson, homeland security, john allen muhammad, katherine harris, rayburn, rumors, slow news day, studies that tell us stuff we already know, taylor hicks, treasury department, trials, unfettered capitalism, wal-mart, week in review

Taylor Hicks + Beyonce + Unfettered Capitalism = Friday Fun for the Whole Family!

UPDATE: He’s on early! He’s on now!

The Wal Mart Stores shareholder’s meeting started about 90 minutes ago — it’s being broadcast live from their website, even! Why should you care? Well, now that Katie’s gone, there’s not much else to watch in the mornings, but more importantly, AMERICAN IDOL’S OWN TAYLOR HICKS WILL BE PERFORMING LIVE! AND BEYONCE!

Yep, at 10:15 EST, the WMT live webcast of their shareholder’s meeting will get a WHOLE LOTTA SOUL. Beat that, CostCo! Maybe if you didn’t waste so much money on labor, you’d be able to afford some decent entertainment, huh?

Go, watch! It’s live and it’s free and it’s Friday! We hope they duet on “Crazy in Love” with Hicks taking the Jay-Z part, because how awesome would that be? Wait, no, with Tom Coughlin taking the Jay-Z part! And the surviving members of the Walton family singing backup! Yes!

Live webcast here, with performances to be archived here.

READ MORE: american idol, beyonce, taylor hicks, top, unfettered capitalism, wal-mart

Gossip Roundup: Rice’s ‘Idol’

• Under the Dome: Rep. Marsha Blackburn (R-Tenn.) is named the “hottest woman in U.S. politics” by Politics1.com… Sens. Mary Landrieu (D-La.) and David Vitter (R-La.) plug New Orleans during “The Price is Right”… Sen. Sam Brownback (R-Kan.) wants to cut tariffs on duties on “padded potty seats,” “traveler padded-potty seats,” and “contoured padded-infant potty seats.” [The Hill]
• Reliable Source: Bushes invite relatives of those who died on Flight 93 to White House screening of “United 93.” [WP]
• Rush & Molloy: Condoleezza Rice rooted for “American Idol” Taylor Hicks. [NYDN]
• Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: Jon Voight supports the war on terrorism: “This is a hideous, cunning, clever enemy who lives off a program of murderous thoughts.” [NYDN]

READ MORE: Marsha Blackburn, Personalities, White House, american idol, condoleezza rice, david vitter, george w. bush, jon voight, laura bush, mary landrieu, new orleans, sam brownback, taylor hicks, the price is right, united 93, war on terrorism