Folks, Meet Your New Catchphrase
You know, generally, it’s not worth our time to go after all the insane, barely literate halfwits who write editorials and columns for our nation’s less prestigious papers. ‘Cause, really, it’s shooting fish in a barrel. It’s like sending Robert Christgau to review karaoke night at the Reef. Sure, it’s bad, but who cares — these people are amateurs. But every now and then, one of these lunatics comes up with a column so brilliant, so perfect, so unbalanced, that we must emerge from our decadent coastal enclave and enter the great uncharted middle of the country to bring back to our godless readers the Word. This is one of those columns:
One of these days before I die, I hope to see a shift in the attitudes of so many of my black brothers and sisters in this great country we share, from perpetual victimhood, to pride in their achievements on the road from slave to American citizen.Remember Ronald Reagan’s story about the kid who had to shovel a huge pile of manure? He went about it with such joy he was asked why and said, “With all that manure, there’s got to be a pony in there somewhere.”
The pony hidden in slavery is the fact that it was the ticket to America for black people.
Oh, if only there were a way to register a spit take in xhtml.
“The pony in slavery,” people. Like the toy in a box of Cap’n Crunch. If Cap’n Crunch were, say, made of poison. And it took several generations and thousands of lives to get to the toy. And then when you got the toy, you weren’t allowed to play with it for another hundred years.
Adele Fergusen, we love you.
Why do blacks continue to support Democrats? [KPBJ]
READ MORE: adele fergusen, catchphrases, fun surprises at the end of each two hundred years of subjegation, holy shit, jeez, louise…, kitsap, no, really, just… wow, race, slavery, the pony in slavery, very very very very poorly thought-out metaphors
Firefly would so not be down with Adele. Time to call in the Flutterponies?
by TallyHo on 03/15/06 09:32 AM
According to Adele, "many immigrants suffered hardships and indignations as indentured servants. Their descendants rose above it. You don't hear them bemoaning their forebears' life the way some blacks can't rise above the fact theirs were slaves."
Wait a minute, has Adele never had to suffer through one of those Tom Brokaw heartwarming tributes to the immigrants who made this country? And you never really hear people say, "Wow, I'm so grateful my ancestors suffered through slavery and the indignities of Jim Crow so I could be forced into sub-par public housing." I wonder why that is?
by DC Ninja on 03/15/06 09:42 AM
Hopefully I'll be able to rise up from my unpaid internship I'll be doing this summer too. I'm sure there's a pony in that shit as well. If there's a pony in the shit that Adele wrote, it's that it was pretty damn funny. What an idiot.
by RyanAdams on 03/15/06 10:17 AM
A) this just goes to show you if you look in the right places, you can discover just as many sheltered-middle-america right-wing reactionaries near big cities on the coast--like, say, Seattle--as you can in actual middle america.
B) this woman deserves every ounce of rebuke she gets for this piece. With thinking like that, maybe she can start cohosting with Michael Savage.
by bigkens on 03/15/06 10:57 AM
And the woman doesn't even have an e-mail address to which I can sling my rage and disbelief. A post office box? Are you kidding me, Adele?
by thomas on 03/15/06 11:02 AM
Making fun of small papers (and letters to the editor) is like the favorite part of my day. Come on, you guys have fun with this, didn't you?
by dmac on 03/15/06 12:19 PM
Isn't this what Bill Cosby has been saying for years? Between pudding pops of course.
by BlackInk on 03/15/06 01:11 PM
She missed some other ponies: without slavery, my forefathers and foremothers wouldn't have met so I wouldn't be here; Jefferson (ok, MR. Jefferson) wouldn't have been able to get his freak on with the darkies; the traffic light wouldn't exist, so fewer driving violations; and (my personal favorite) Thomas wouldn't be on the Supreme Court.
by chgo921 on 03/15/06 07:24 PM
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