West Wing Futures: America Makes Its Pretend Choice

If there’s one thing West Wing watchers know, it’s that John Wells can’t be trusted to be the brains behind filling the gaping, John Spencer-sized hole in the show’s plot. At least one respondent summed up the John Wells-era correctly, terming it “shitastic glory.” So we turned to you readers to offer predictions and suggestions as to what might happen to the Santos campaign going forward in this television season. Pretend America thanks you for your responses.— DCEIVER

Reader feedback after the jump:

As far as regular West Wing cast members go, there was one not-forgotten favorite that topped the suggestions. As one respondent’s wife put it: “Go down to the unemployment office and [start] looking for Rob Lowe.” Yes, most of you, in the throes of Christmas spirit, thought Lowe could definitely use the work. “Maybe he really did win” the Orange County Congressional seat. If so, he hasn’t developed a voting record circuitous enough for Karl Rove to hang him with. Collie F. James IV smartly sums up the rationale:

It’s a great ticket — Santos from Texas and Sam from California (props to my Laguna Beach) — and a great way to revive (so to speak) some interest in the show. Plus, it’s a great harkening back to Bartlett’s goodbye to Sam when he said that Sam was destined for the Oval Office. Finally, the producers might be able to get Rob to bite by making feel like its something he can do to honor Spencer’s legacy, blah, blah, blah.

True dat double true! Other nominations went to CJ Cregg, Ainsley Hayes, and Sam’s call girl from Season One. One respondent was torn between two extremely unlikely outcomes — Janeane Garofalo and Butterstick. We think the Butterstick brand tests better in middle America. Don’t make us prove it.

At least one person was feeling me in imagining a Santos-Vinick partnership. We get it, we get it. The Kerry/McCain cream dream! Never gonna happen America!

We enjoyed some of these radical suggestions:

• The Arnold Option: “Santos will do what Democrats always do when they find themselves in need of a Veep candidate – go out and round up a Kennedy in-law. It should take them about one extra episode to build national consensus and amend the Constitution so a foreign-born candidate can take office.”

• “We will find out that the show really took place in a little glass snowglobe in the mind of a neo-con idiot puppet who rocks back and forth in the oval office all day and night, clutching his sides and muttering, ‘Amurrica…Terreris’… Freedom…’”

• Bradley Whitford’s character FINALLY steps up to the table — naked. He marries Donna Marsh, who in a neurotic fit of banter with the equally neurotic Josh, decides that clothing should be optional and together they convince Santo’s and his beautiful wife to finish out the Presidential race nude.

Or, they can just cancel the damn thing already. Thanks for playing, Wonketteers. We’ll leave you with the thoughts of Stephen Rojak:

I’m still pissed that when John Goodman took over as acting president, Roseanne didn’t come in and tell Stockard Channing to “get your ass out of the residence, needle-butt.” Could’ve redeemed the series.

We feel you, Stephen. We feel you.

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