Remainders: Send In The Clowns

• A checklist for the end of the universe — which is happening tonight, in case you haven’t heard. [High Plains Messenger]

• Of course, if you have heard, it’s just because someone wants to sell you something. [MSNBC]

• Another time, another life — Richard Nixon would have been “ridin’ dirty.” [HuffPo]

• Jack Abramoff is just a sad, sad clown, trying to get out of a power-brokering, convicted felon’s body. [Looker]

READ MORE: Jack Abramoff, Remainders, ann coulter, clowns, rap, richard nixon, unfettered capitalism

Wonkette’s Week in Review: What Money Does Buy

• Short week, short review. First thing you need to know is: on Friday, Wal-Mart tried to answer the questions, “Why you acting shady? Why you ain’t callin’ me baby?”, by having Beyonce and Taylor Hicks perform at their shareholder meeting. CostCo admits they were served.

• In its infinite wisdom, DHS slashed the terror prevention budgets for DC and NYC, redirecting the money towards protection of the nation’s critical booze-producing infrastructure.

• When one slow news day turns into two, you start a slow news streak, and once you’re there, you have to start either making shit up or codifying the obvious.

• 700 million dollar man Hank Paulson was nominated for Treasury Secretary. Everyone is still waiting for the big “Sike!” regarding his love of nature and all God’s creatures.

• After they finished the “rock paper scissors” tournament, the Maryland jury in the “Sniper” case figured enough time had passed to make it look real, and convicted John Allen Muhammad.

• No, Al Gore is not running for President — he’s running for Earth.

• A week without Katherine Harris is like a week without air. Luckily, she’ll never be too far away, regardless of how much it costs.

READ MORE: al gore, american idol, beyonce, conspiracy theories, dhs, global warming, hank paulson, homeland security, john allen muhammad, katherine harris, rayburn, rumors, slow news day, studies that tell us stuff we already know, taylor hicks, treasury department, trials, unfettered capitalism, wal-mart, week in review

Taylor Hicks + Beyonce + Unfettered Capitalism = Friday Fun for the Whole Family!

UPDATE: He’s on early! He’s on now!

The Wal Mart Stores shareholder’s meeting started about 90 minutes ago — it’s being broadcast live from their website, even! Why should you care? Well, now that Katie’s gone, there’s not much else to watch in the mornings, but more importantly, AMERICAN IDOL’S OWN TAYLOR HICKS WILL BE PERFORMING LIVE! AND BEYONCE!

Yep, at 10:15 EST, the WMT live webcast of their shareholder’s meeting will get a WHOLE LOTTA SOUL. Beat that, CostCo! Maybe if you didn’t waste so much money on labor, you’d be able to afford some decent entertainment, huh?

Go, watch! It’s live and it’s free and it’s Friday! We hope they duet on “Crazy in Love” with Hicks taking the Jay-Z part, because how awesome would that be? Wait, no, with Tom Coughlin taking the Jay-Z part! And the surviving members of the Walton family singing backup! Yes!

Live webcast here, with performances to be archived here.

READ MORE: american idol, beyonce, taylor hicks, top, unfettered capitalism, wal-mart