Headlines We Would Prefer Not to See Next Week, Please

• “Celebratory Visitors Flood New Orleans for Mardi Gras”
• “Cheney Takes Aim at Critics”
• “Australian TV: Decision to Air New Abu Ghraib Photos Was ‘Pure Torture’”
• “Cartoon Violence Reaches Acme”

And don’t try to sneak any slight variations past us, either. We’re looking at you, Wall Street “Chertoff Weathers Political Storm” Journal.

Thank you.

Washington Wire [W$J]

READ MORE: cartoon violence, dick cheney, headlines, katrina, michael chertoff, unfortunate metaphors

Remind Us Not to Hit Up the Men’s Warehouse With the Veep Either

Robin Givhan, the Post’s resident Style Deconstructionist, weighs in on the Vice President’s contrite neckwear:

For Clinton, a pink suit worked like a shield. For Cheney, a pink tie was a weapon.

Robin, we’ve been over this. For Cheney, a pink tie is but another in a long line of poor wardrobe choices. If he shows up to the interview with a 28-gauge shotgun, then you start worrying.

Winning Flush [WP]

READ MORE: dick cheney, guns, hunting accidents, robin givhan, style, ties, unfortunate metaphors, washington post

An Impassioned Plea for Gun (Metaphor) Control

Check out the headline and lede of this article by Dana Milbank of the Washington Post (who was arrested earlier this morning by Wonkette’s Capitol Fashion Police; but we sent him a Valentine’s Day card to make up for it):

Or take a look at the following excerpt from this Time.com article:

“He’s very tough,” James R. Huffines, chairman of the Board of Regents of the University of Texas System, and a 25-year friend of Whittington, told TIME. “He’s a real tenacious competitor in everything he does. I hate to use this pun, but he really is a straight shooter in all sense of the word, with a real sense of right and wrong for the taxpayers.”

People, please: In discussing the Cheney hunting accident, can we stop with all the repetitive and tortured shooting metaphors? And now that Harry Whittington has taken a turn for the worse, as we just discussed, the need to avoid gun puns has only intensified.

(Okay, fine, you’ve called our bluff: we’re not sure that we really mean this. So if we indulge in the occasional shooting metaphor ourselves, especially if Mr. Whittington pulls through this okay, please don’t accuse us of hypocrisy.)

McClellan Takes Aim at Cheney [WP]
The Man Who Dick Cheney Shot [Time]

READ MORE: Media, bad puns, birdshot, buckshot, dana milbank, dick cheney, guns, harry whittington, heart attacks, hunting accidents, quail hunting mishaps, time, unfortunate metaphors, washington post

I Don’t Think Hank Done It This Way

The President visited the Grand Ole Opry yesterday to follow up on some of points made in Tuesday’s speech (we’d like to you know that we handily beat a small child in a footrace just this afternoon as our contribution to the new Competitiveness Initiative). His impromptu remarks took a bit of an unfortunate turn, though:

“I’m proud to be traveling with your two United States Senators, the Majority Leader of the United States Senate, Bill Frist. (Applause.) He’s a good man. He’s a good guy to deal with, he is doing a fantastic job of herding cats. (Laughter.)” [Emphasis ours, natch]

Yes, he herds them right into the vivisection chamber.

Though this does explain the close working relationship between these two — Bush has realized that Frist, with his cat-slaughtering acumen, may be our last, best hope against the Cat People.

The President Speaks in Nashville [Nashville Is Talking]
Frist Asked to Atone for Killing Cats [UPI]

READ MORE: bill frist, cat people, grand ole opry, human animal hybrids, manimal, sotu, unfortunate metaphors