What’s Good For the Wiretapped Goose is Apparently Not Good For the Wiretapped Gander.

As you know, yesterday, the Senate Intelligence Committee voted along party lines to reject a motion by Senator Rockefeller to hold hearings on President Bush's warrantless domestic wiretapping program. Elsewhere, the wheels are turning in the halls of Congress to hastily grant the President after-the-fact power to continue to wiretap Americans without oversight from any legal authority.

We know that here at Wonkette, we're often tagged as snarky complainers who contribute little more than irrelevant mirthmaking. And we've been a little critical of this eavesdropping program in the past. But for once, we thought to ourselves: “Why, Wonkette, why? Why not embrace the administration's unique vision? Why do we always have to tear down the efforts of our elected officials? Why not rise to the spirit of the occasion, and set an example for others to follow?”

Needless to say, we started feeling really good about ourselves. And so, we decided to call the offices of Senator Pat Roberts.

(Our conversation after the jump.)

The phone picks up.

“Good morning, you've reached the office of Senator Pat Roberts.”

“Good morning, my name is Margot, known as Missy, and I’m calling from the Washington, DC offices of Wonkette. I hate to take up too much of your time, and I don’t know if Senator Roberts or any of his aides are currently on the phone, but could you be a dear and just conference me in on one of their calls so I can listen in?”

[a long period stunned silence]

“I’m sorry. You’re with who?”

“The Washington DC office of Wonkette.”

“And you’d like us to conference you in to one of our calls?”

“That’s right.”

“And could I ask why?”

“Why sure! I just want to, you know, listen in.”

“I’m sorry. We can’t do that.”

“Really? Gosh. I’m a little surprised, considering the Senator’s voting record!”

“I’m sorry.”

“Well, that’s okay. Thanks anyway!”

“Goodbye.”

Gee whiz! We were only trying to participate in all the great new laws!

Oh well, maybe some of you might have better luck with, let's say, Senator Hagel!

READ MORE: domestic wiretapping scandal, pat roberts, u.s. senate

Dick Cheney Does Actual Work

As many of you know, Vice President Dick Cheney cut short his international hobnob to be in town to cast the tie-breaking vote on the so-called deficit reduction bill. Supporters of the bill are glad that Cheney made himself available — clearly their strategy of not putting the bill on a rooftop in New Orleans worked.

Of course, the passage of the bill was not without kinks, as Democrats did manage to wrangle minor changes to the bill that will force another vote in the House. If you work in the House and bragged a little too loudly that you got to go home for the holidays while the Senate was stuck in Patriot Act hell, the Senate has a clear message for you: Backsies, motherfuckers!— DCEIVER

Cheney casts deciding vote on deficit bill [CNN]

READ MORE: dick cheney, u.s. senate

Unjust Desserts

One of the season’s favorite GOP talking points concerns a 2002 incident where Maryland Lt. Gov. Michael Steele, who is black and Republican, had Oreos thrown at him by detractors, who were hateful and presumably Democratic. It’s been bandied in a boatload of dispatches ever since, and recently prompted RNC chair Ken Mehlman to demand his DNC counterpart Howard Dean renounce the ugly racist incident.

The episode was supposed to have occurred at a debate with gubernatorial candidates Robert Ehrlich and then Kathleen Kennedy Townsend. News reports and outraged pundits have variously described Steele as being “pelted,” “bombarded” and otherwise humiliated with the racial-authenticity-challenging snack food. However, Baltimore City Paper reporter Gadi Dechter sets out to confirm the alleged incident, and only turns up a vague memory from Steele himself of “one or two” cookies rolling up at his feet. Oh, sure, Ehrlich spokesman Paul Schurick claims the assault was so heinous that it acquired a certain supernatural biblical (not to say shape-shifting) force: “It was raining Oreos. They were thick in the air like locusts.” But Schurick also claims to have seen the ghost of Jim Morrison—or as he likes to call him, “the Oreo King”—at the event, so perhaps that particular eyewitness account calls for a bit of skepticism.

The Oreo yarn only resurfaced after its curious 1,000-day retirement when blogger Steve Gillard—who is black and definitely not Republican—posted an offensive and dumb photoshopped image of Steele, now a candidate for U.S. Senate, as a blackface minstrel on his blog, replete with an offensive and dumb Amos-and-Andy style caption indicating Steele is an Uncle Tom on grounds of his party affiliation. You don’t, in other words, have to take sides on this fracas in any ideological terms to feel as though battles like this bequeath to our children a colossally stupider, ranker, and more opportunistic world. Nevertheless, we still await follow-up reports on the shocking rumors that opponents of Ehrlich and Townsend hung both candidates by their ankles above bubbling vats of Snickerdoodle and Irish Oatmeal cookie dough. — HOLLY MARTINS

Cookie Monster [Baltimore City Paper]

READ MORE: dubious race-baiting, maryland, michael steele, plague on all houses, u.s. senate

Senate Outlaws Inhuman Confinement, Spontaneously Combusts

On to some belated acknowledgment of happier news. Last night, the U.S. Senate overwhelmingly approved the McCain-Graham amendment to the military spending bill prohibiting “cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment” of military detainees. The wracking sobs of Alberto Gonzales were audible from down the street. And we’re also sure that it’s pure coincidence that the Senate should take a hardline stand against inhuman and degrading confinement on the verge of another marathon interrogation of a Supreme Court nominee about as likely to deliver recognizably human opinions as a butterfly would deliver the Gettysburg Address. — HOLLY MARTINS

Senate Votes to Restrict Military Interrogations [Washington Times]

READ MORE: abu ghraib, guantanamo, john mccain, lindsey graham, u.s. senate