Scientific Studies Show: John Kerry Is Depressing

We love all the weird scientific-studies-with-political-implications that are Richard Morin’s stock-in-trade (see links collected below). In today’s Post, citing a study conducted by researchers at the University of Texas at Austin, he informs us:

Forget the Swift boat ads, the economy or international terrorism. Here’s what really may have decided the last presidential election: President Bush and Vice President Cheney sounded more presidential than their Democratic counterparts. Sen. John F. Kerry (Mass.) seemed the most depressed or suicidal. And Kerry’s running mate, Sen. John Edwards (N.C.), sounded the most like a “girly man.”

Perhaps the Texas-based researchers were biased in favor of their native son. But hey, can you really argue with findings like this:

Cheney easily sounded the smartest of the four, while Edwards and Bush favored the least sophisticated language patterns…. When it came to sounding presidential, both Bush and his running mate scored considerably higher than Kerry or Edwards. Bush was the oldest-sounding candidate. Edwards also was the most likely to use feminine speech patterns and “female” words (Bush was a close second), while Cheney sounded most like a man’s man.

Cheney as a man’s man, and Edwards as a girly man? We’ve been saying this all along. The article continues:

The vice president sounded the most honest of the four, and Kerry the least. Kerry’s language also was most like that of a depressed person, followed by Edwards.

Guys, you didn’t need to squander perfectly good grant money to tell us that John Kerry is depressed. If you had lost the 2004 election (and were married to Teresa), you’d be pretty depressed too.

Smart Talk and Girly Talk on the Campaign Trail [WP]

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READ MORE: Campaigning, bush, campaigns, dick cheney, george w. bush, john edwards, john f. kerry, john kerry, psychology, richard morin, studies that tell us stuff we already know, surveys, teresa heinz kerry, washington post