HUFFPO FIGHT!

When Mike McCurry posted his “Telecommunication companies have paid me to tell you that they should own the internets” thing, everyone else on HuffPo just got mad and wrote mean things about him, they didn’t demand that he take it outside. That’s why we like Cenk Uygur.

See, Michael Smerconish (and we don’t actually know who he is, but he blogs on HuffPo, so he’s a CELEBRITY) repeatedly called everyone in America a “sissy” in a HuffPost for not killing Zacarias Moussaoui. Uygur objected to this, and, reasonably, responded by calling Smerconish a “pussy” and challenging him to a fight. Like, a real fight.

Violence is seldom the answer. But it is in this case. An organized, controlled, consensual beat down. You agree to fight me, and I agree to crush you. Of course, I don’t want anyone getting the wrong message. I am not advocating vigilante justice against idiotic conservative talk show hosts. I don’t want anyone else to kick Smerconish’s ass. Just me.

Yes! Liberals be violent! There is hope for the party! Also, does this mean all the HuffPo bloggers will start fighting each other? We’d like to see Deepak Chopra and Peter Daou arm-wrestle. We think Chopra could probably win just with the power of his mind. But Daou would win the real way, with actual arms. Also, Rachel Sklar/Jay Rosen staring contest! It’s on!

The Final Word on Moussaoui [HuffPo]
Michael Smerconish is a Pussy [HuffPo]

READ MORE: deepak chopra, fights, huffington post, huffpo, jay rosen, peter daou, rachel, sklar”, violence, zacarias moussaoui

The Moussaoui Trial: Directed by Sidney Lumet

You read that Post article about the Moussaoui jury? The foreman’s all upset because one jerk kept voting against the Death Penalty, leading to a stalemate, leading to Zac’s life sentence. Sort of annoying, we guess, if you’re dead set on killing a terrorist and some stupid liberal won’t let you, but the real news here is that HENRY FONDA IS STILL ALIVE.

One Juror Between Terrorist And Death [WP]

READ MORE: crime, henry fonda, terror, zacarias moussaoui

Cartoon Violence Was All Like, “Oh, Snap!”

It’s Friday! It’s a beautiful day! After yesterday’s torrential rain, the sun is out, the birds are chirping, the weekend beckons, and you’re still sitting in your office wasting your life away. That would make anyone turn mean, right? That’s why we at Wonkette provide to you the best in all-purpose political meanness every week. But on Fridays, we outsource the meanness to Editorial Cartoon Expert the Comics Curmudgeon, who, this week, has culled the meanest of the mean from Today’s Cartoons and dissected them in the name of science.

After the jump, the tears of a VPOTUS, dope-smokin’ presidents, and a certain congresswoman we know quite well.

READ MORE: CIA, cartoon violence, comics curmudgeon, dick cheney, donald rumsfeld, drugs, foreign policy, george w. bush, jeb bush, katherine harris, michael hayden, movies, nsa, religion, russia, terror, vladimir putin, zacarias moussaoui

Gossip Roundup: ‘So Many Indictments’

• Reliable Source: Court TV’s Washington correspondent Savannah Guthrie is more focused on Zacarias Moussaoui than Scooter Libby… Monica Lewinsky spotted at a political comedy show in London. [WP]
• Heard on the Hill: Aide to Rep. Steve Israel (D-N.Y.) hits “reply all” with “let’s all just booze soon” missive… James Dobson gets caught in the doors of the Senate subway. [Roll Call]
• Page Six: John Dean gives W. Mark Felt’s memoir a horrible review, saying it “is riddled with errors” and “adds absolutely nothing to our understanding about Felt’s role as Bob Woodward’s source during Watergate.” [NYP]
• Cindy Adams: Rep. Patrick Kennedy’s car accident will not actually be investigated. [NYP]
• Rush & Molloy: Patrick Kennedy has reportedly “been yearning for the company of ex-girlfriend” Tatiana Platt. [NYDN]
• Liz Smith: McCain on Washington: “So much is going to come down, so many indictments… well, it’s all so corrupt,” and to Katie Couric: “Congratulations and condolences.” [NYP]
• Inside Politics: Sen. George Allen wins Young Republican National Federation straw poll. [WT]

READ MORE: 2008, Personalities, Savannah Guthrie, bob woodward, court tv, george allen, james dobson, john dean, john mccain, katie couric, mark felt, monica lewinsky, patrick kennedy, richard nixon, scooter libby, senate subway, steve israel, watergate, zacarias moussaoui

Wonkette’s Week in Review: All The News That Fits

• CIA Director Porter Goss called it quits this week, and didn’t make up a reason for leaving. Not even the standard “time with my family” excuse, which of course makes us think it had something to do with the hookers or the gambling and payola. Anyway, he’s back on the gulf shore already, and everyone is waiting to hear who the next shady character to take over the job is going to be.

• Scott McClellan gave his last press conference on Friday. The door did not hit his ass on the way out.

• In a drug-addled haze, Patrick Kennedy drove his car into a concrete barrier early Thursday morning. We were so hoping it was an 8-ball he chased with a liter of plastic-bottle vodka, but it looks like Pat is just your average congressional pill-popper. To add insult to self-induced injury, he only made it three blocks away from the bar before he crashed, which is nothing new for him. This was the straw that broke the camel’s back, though, and he’s admitted powerlessness and is heading to rehab. Godspeed Patrick, we’ll probably see you there soon.

• All the breaking real news wore us out, so we took a little break to talk some smack about Elaine Chao.

• Crazy-ass Zacarias Moussaoui gets to spend the rest of his life at a supermax prison in South Park Florence, Colorado.

• Dick Cheney is featured in the June Vanity Fair. The article confirms a lot of suspicions about him being a bit of an odd duck and a “big time” asshole.

• We almost forgot, there was huge party last weekend that we wrote all about after sobering up. Of course after the party, there’s the after-party, and after the party it’s the hotel lobby.

READ MORE: CIA, White House, accidents, alcohol, annoying people, assholes, bit of an odd duck, breaking, briefings, conspiracies, crazy talk, dick cheney, drugs, drunk driving, elaine chao, events, gossip, hawk ‘n’ dove, hookers, law, mysterious resignations, parties, patrick kennedy, pills, porter goss, prom, prostitutes, resignations, scandal, scott mccellan, sex scandal, sex scandals, supposedly good dancing republicans, terror, terrorism, top, unverified rumors, war on terror, wednesday morning massacrette, week in review, whca, whcd, zacarias moussaoui

Metro Section: Bravo Darling!

• Ohh, this new blog is very shiny and has so many things to click! [Freeride]

• Moussaoui could still be clapping in prison, if his cellmate is into theater fantasies. [Won L]

• Any chance of dispelling the “DC is a nerd town” label is pretty much gone. [Metroblogging DC]

• Speaker of the House, doling out the charm, ready with a handshake and an open palm. [Eavesdrop DC]

READ MORE: anal sex jokes, blogs, dweebs, eavesdropping, express, free ride, law, metro, metro section, michael grass, musicals, nerds, terror, terrorism, tony snow, trials, war on terror, washington post, zacarias moussaoui

BREAKING: Moussaoui To Get Life in Prison

It took a while for the court spokesperson to read through the long and complex special verdict form, but here’s the upshot: Zacarias Moussaoui will not be getting the death penalty. Instead, he’ll be spending the rest of his life in prison.

Of course, Moussaoui enduring a lifetime of prison food is probably what would have happened in any event. Even if he had received the death penalty, an inevitable chain of appeals would have ensued. And even if he had tried to waive his appellate rights, perhaps desiring a martyr’s death, there might have been some question as to whether he was competent to make such a waiver. That in turn could have spawned a real clusterfuck of litigation, with Moussaoui and his own lawyers acting at cross-purposes — as they’ve done time and again throughout this case.

Judge Leonie Brinkema will officially pronounce sentence upon Moussaoui tomorrow morning.

Earlier: BREAKING: Moussaoui Verdict Reached

READ MORE: breaking, law, leonie brinkema, terror, terrorism, top, trials, war on terror, zacarias moussaoui

BREAKING: Moussaoui Verdict Reached

It’s anyone guess as to what the jury — which deliberated for a surprisingly long time — has decided. Should Zacarias Moussaoui be sentenced to death, given the heinousness of the 9/11 crimes? Or would that make him a martyr? Or is he insane?

It’s all so confusing. Anyway, the verdict will be read at 4:30 PM Eastern time. More TK.

Update: Here’s the jury verdict.

Verdict reached in Moussaoui case [Reuters]

READ MORE: breaking, law, terror, terrorism, top, trials, war on terror, zacarias moussaoui

Now We Don’t Know Much About the Law, but This Strikes Us a Bit Obvious

Well, we’d hope so.

Defense Seeks to Spare Moussaoui’s Life [NYT, but then they changed it, the bastards]

READ MORE: 9/11, crime, headlines, new york times, terror, terrorism, war on terror, zacarias moussaoui

Breaking: Zacarias Moussaoui Found Eligible for the Death Penalty

Zacarias Moussaoui has been found eligible for the death penalty. The trial will now move into the next phase, in which the jury will determine whether Moussaoui will actually receive the death penalty. The proceedings are scheduled to resume on Thursday.

CNN’s Jeffrey Toobin makes a very valid point: Carla Martin must be breathing a huge sigh of relief right now.

Guess who’s getting blitzed tonight? Margaritas all around!

Earlier: Breaking: Zacarias Moussaoui Verdict Reached
Plus, After the Holy War, He’d Just Leave Those Knives in the Sink For Days
Stalin Woulda Had This Guy Killed Ten Times By Now. Hell, Nixon Woulda Taken Care of Him Faster

READ MORE: breaking, carla martin, law, terror, terrorism, top, trials, war on terror, zacarias moussaoui

Breaking: Zacarias Moussaoui Verdict Reached

The headline says it all — a jury has decided whether Zacarias Moussaoui is eligible for the death penalty. This is just the first phase; if Moussaoui is found eligible, the next phase would determine whether he actually receives the death penalty.

It’s hard to predict what the verdict will be, since there are several conflicting factors at work here. In Moussaoui’s favor: the less-than-airtight prosecution case (thanks, Carla Martin). Weighing against Moussaoui: the magnitude of the crime, and his own disastrous testimony.

The verdict will be announced at 4 PM EST. Check back for updates.

Update: Here is the jury’s verdict.

READ MORE: breaking, law, terror, terrorism, top, trials, war on terror, zacarias moussaoui

Plus, After the Holy War, He’d Just Leave Those Knives in the Sink For Days

Oh man, haven’t we all had roommates like that? Never clean up after themselves, have people over at all hours of the night, try to get you to join their holy wars involving airplanes and knives…

Moussaoui Friend Testifies [WP]

READ MORE: airplanes, crime, headlines, holy wars, holy wars involving airplanes and knives, knives, not to be confused with those other holy wars, roommates, terror, terrorism, trials, war on terror, zacarias moussaoui