One thing about patriarchal religions of the ancient Middle East — like, say, “Sharia Law” or “American Catholicism” — is that the menfolk don’t like the womenfolk having any control of their own bodies or lives. That’s why there was a predictable outrage over the Obama Administration’s long-planned addition of basic family planning medicine to [...]
Here’s the beloved Conservative Comedian, Brad Stine, giving his lighthearted send-off to CPAC 2012 DAY 1 yesterday. Your Wonkette would’ve gone to watch him personally but was busy doing anything else. What’s his joke? Americans are such wusses now with their basic car safety measures. Ha! Ehh. If you listen really closely you can hear [...]
Day one at CPAC is over! Your Wonkette has already waited in line with Mark Block, the famous cigarette smoker, sat in a lounge near Pam Geller, and not had Internet access for hours at a time. Will you ever see this post, dear readers? Let’s hope for a lil’ CPAC internet connection magick.
Cadaverous walking smirk Rick Santorum must still be high on endorphins from Tuesday’s surprise threesome in some meaningless/game-changing voting things. Having seen how turgid the prospects of Abortionplexes and FEMA-officiated gay marriage have been making conservative voters of late, Santorum is preparing a new front in the Culture Wars that, incidentally, also feed and shod [...]
According to the RNC’s Twitter droppings, handouts and giveaways are actually Patriotic, so long as they are given to wall-eyed fetus fetishists at CPAC and not the 670 million poors currently bankrupting the Federal treasury. Jim Newell, please enjoy your courtesy racist Barack Obama USB dongle! [RNC]
The Taiwanese animators behind these weird videos sometimes know even less about an American Political Controversy than any random sack of highly paid pundits on the U.S. cable news. But that’s not really a hindrance when there are lots of comical human-sized condoms with feet dancing around while Barack Obama beats the shit out of [...]
The despised liberal 9th Circuit federal appeals court, which Newt Gingrich has pledged to pipe-bomb on his first day as president, ruled today that California’s Proposition 8, a law in which a bunch of out-of-state Mormons took away marriages from same-sex married couples, is unconstitutional. This upheld the original ruling by district court Judge Vaughn [...]
The famous “in-flight magazine of Joe Lieberman and Air Force One,” The New Republic, wants to make you vomit blood for the next week. This is the only explanation for its most recent cover, in which a 400-year-old black-and-white space dragon is depicted and weighed as a possible victor over Barack Obama in the upcoming [...]
Is everyone super excited about the “Diamond Jubilee” of America’s queen of hearts, Elizabeth II? They should be, after her exciting performance at yesterday’s American football spectacular “half time.” Here is the well-known story we all recite to ourselves each night before flogging our own flesh with a thorny wooden portrait of Our Queen: Sixty [...]
In a shocking turn of events, the birther trial in Georgia of which Orly Taitz tries to be a part despite the fact that she can’t practice law in Georgia (and probably anywhere else) has ruled in favor of sanity i.e. Obama! Which means that Taitz, who evidently steals bedspreads from Las Vegas hotels and [...]
For a brief moment, our First Lady Michelle Obama’s appearance on the Ellen DeGeneres show was all fun and games. Our FLOTUS danced her way onto the stage in her usual style and then sat down with Ellen to discuss (what else?) Barack Obama’s socks. The gossip is that Barack Obama does not pick up [...]
Attention, President Obama! Mousy Mormon Senator Orrin Hatch would like to have a word with you in the undersea Holocaust-victim baptizing chamber. Hatch will be doing that thing he always does, that raisin-mouthed, monotonous, mild-mannered smug thing he uses to cloak all manner of backwards beliefs and statements. The decrepit senator from Utah is currently [...]
PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC! John McCain is all hot tears and snot right now over $600 billion in automatic cuts to defense spending triggered by the laughably predictable failure of the debt supercommittee last fall, so WALNUTS and his merry band of warhawks are stomping around the Senate hunting for government jobs to axe from [...]
AW, how long had Mitt Romney been practicing his rendition of “America the Beautiful” in the mirror before he decided to try to slip it into his stump speech all casual-like? We’re going to go with a wild guess here and say, “since Barack Obama sang Al Green.” Mittens even tries to be cool enough [...]
Boy oh boy is Arizona governor Jan Brewer ever so lucky that Barack Obama came to visit her state — his visit has already started to generate new revenue! No no, not for Arizona or anything, no, ha ha. It’s revenue for Jan Brewer, America’s neediest governor, which she is collecting via some tragic website [...]
