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The generally obese, illiterate citizens of Mississippi are for some reason voting today on an insane initiative widely billed as a litmus test on “how fucking backasswards can Mississippi possibly be?” that will determine whether the state adds a constitutional amendment defining fertilized egg blobs to be “persons.” The rest of you humans, fuck off! [...]
Herman Cain is a world class fool who routinely drowns in his own sentences when asked about foreign policy or health care or abortion, but hoo-boy just ask the old lout about the ladies and the illicit sexytimes and he kind of starts to sound like he knows what he’s talking about or something! Here [...]
Herman Cain is a pumpkin-headed creepy narcissist businessman who likes to repeat single-digit numbers and say stupid things. For reasons he cannot begin to explain, this Washington lobbyist and shit-food merchant allowed the release of a “web commercial” that shows a dirty old man saying weird things about Herman Cain and then melodramatically smoking a [...]
We are beginning to wonder if Herman Cain actually understands what “policy positions” actually are. Here is Herman Cain explaining to CNN’s Piers Morgan that he believes there should be “abortion under no circumstances” like a dutiful Republican drone, but when Morgan presses him on whether he would force a daughter or granddaughter to carry [...]
The Napoleonic legal theory of “guilty until proven innocent, suckers” won a major victory for racism in the United States legal system last night with the execution of Troy Davis, a black man from Georgia convicted of the murder of a white police officer 22 years ago and sentenced to death under deeply dubious circumstances [...]
A new Baylor Religion Survey shows that one in five Americans wants to dismantle the government and its heathen sets of economic regulations because this segment of politically conservative folks, the religious nutters, believes that the almighty old white God dude gets into a snit and refuses to do His job running the economy effectively [...]
Hey, is there a major important bill that Congress is trying urgently to pass to avoid one or another type of needless catastrophic shutdown? Sure, it’s “a day.” This time: something about “funding for the FAA and highway projects and 80,000 jobs” that is very socialist-sounding, which is mean old coot Tom Coburn’s cue to [...]
General life-reject and self-described ongoing abortion Alan Keyes has discovered, GAH, that the old people who frequent cruise ships are “pretty much stuck there,” once they are on the boat. You don’t say! What a perfect opportunity for Alan Keyes to ambush a prisoner audience with his best Liza Minelli numbers while, uh, wingnut comedian lady Victoria [...]
Your Wonkette is not tremendously interested in violent shoot-em-up video games as a rule, because we are always “reading the Internet” — whatever that means — something we can accurately say spews a lot more horror and abortion at unsuspecting brain cells than the bloodiest video games on the market. So we are a little [...]
How is America’s Socialist Patriarchy oppressing women lately? This time it’s truly awful: college professors are referring to America’s patriots as “tea baggers” in classrooms! WHAT?!? Now some of you may not know this, but the term “tea bagging” leads a sneaky double life, both as a term for the hazy Jesus warrior collective trying [...]
Weeks before his nomination to the Supreme Court by Richard Nixon, corporate tobacco lawyer and right-wing business extremist Lewis F. Powell took a break from golf and his boardroom duties at 11 of America’s biggest corporations to write a manifesto against the then-vibrant American left. His detailed plan, delivered in the form of a memo [...]
The “Michele Bachmann is insane” news stories every day now are getting to the point where we are all just doing a sort of Michele Bachmann Mad Libs each time, something along the lines of, “Michele Bachmann is terrified of _(noun)_ because Jesus once told her in a dream that _(U.S. federal agency name)_ sodomized [...]
There is some other GOP presidential candidate we never actually even heard of named Fred Karger, but he is according to some poll tied with Tim Pawlenty, which feels about right. Karger is also one of the vanishingly rare openly gay Republicans people hear about on quiet days when the wind is still, which means [...]
Rick Perry and his gang of 30,000 sweaty, tearful homophobes spent Saturday singing and rolling around on the floor and eating pig anus sausages and nachos in a football stadium, so America is now “cleansed” according to its usual ritual standards. Was there *enough* hating of the gays and abortion doctors for God to finally [...]
