Search Results for “fuck”

  Go In Dumb Come Out Dumb Too

Giant Pussies At LSU Fire Professor For Saying Bad, Bad Words

Really. What the actual fuck?
For your “You have got to be fucking kidding me” files, we present the story of Louisiana State University associate professor Teresa Buchanan, who was fired effective June 19 for having “sexually harassed” her students — if, that is, you buy the idea that occasionally saying “Fuck no” (and other variations on the Fuck-word) and having told a slightly off-color joke during class constitutes ...
  Hoes 'n Tricks

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Activist Court Says De-Gaying Hot Naked Dudes Is ‘Fraud’ Somehow

...arriage, it’s nice to know that even long-forgotten regressives are still out there still kicking the old fuck-you-faggots ball. This week the ex-gays are back in the news, and boy are they feeling butthurt. JONAH — which officially stands for Jews Offering New Alternatives for Healing but which we’re pretty sure actually stands for Jumped-up Oily Nutsacks Angling for Hatefucks — lost a major civil case in New Jersey this...
  In which we have "feelings" and bullshit like that

A Sappy Love Letter From Your Gay Wonkette, About America Getting Gay Marriaged In The Butt

That's yr gay Wonkette's niece. She's actually a wingnut, but her parents pose her for pictures like this.
...ut how I feel about the fact that I can now, in Tennessee, marry the man I love, whoever he ends up being, LINE FUCKING STARTS HERE. #mustwantkids #mustlovedogs Before I came out, certain forms of Christianity had already convinced me that my secret was far too shameful ever to share, lest I risk eternity in a fiery hell. But then one day, at 19, I dealt with it, accepted it (thanks, Tori Amos!), and basically told everyone I had ever met. In hin...
  grifters gotta grift floor poopers gotta poop

Chuck C. Johnson Sues Gawker For Defecation Defamation, May Also Have Banged Sheep

Perhaps this should be a crown of thorns for the beleagured soul.
...a galactic-sized dump on the floor of his college dorm, plus another one claiming that he was once arrested for fucking a sheep. Johnson is upset by this, but we think you’ve gotta hear both sides! Anyway, Johnson claims Gawker and its writers defamed him when they disseminated rumors by allowing commenters to write them in the first place, then engaged with the commenters to get more information. This is a novel legal argument, one that cites no...
  Wonkette Music Hour

Here’s A Few More Lefty Neil Young Songs For Donald Trump To F*ck Right Off To

Not pictured: Neil Young flipping Donald Trump off behind his back.
...this lefty liberal anthem written by a lefty liberal rock star, and the lefty liberal rock star is like, “Fuck off, I did NOT say you could use my music, and also I hate you.” This time, it’s Neil Young, and he’s real pissed that Donald Trump decided to play “Rockin’ In The Free World” as he waddled onstage to announce that he’s pretending to run for president again. Young’s manager released a...
  Sue the bastard

Will Christian DJs Go To Hell For Celebrating 60-Year-Old Gay Dudes’ Birthdays?

Jesus was a party animal.
...onscience is very important for everybody. In fact, I think it’s the most important thing.” First off, WHAT THE FUCK? Synagogues are houses of worship and do not generally hire themselves out for catering, for neo-Nazis or anyone else. Second off, WHAT THE FUCK AGAIN? The KKK has “dances?” Learn somethin’ new every day! Do they twerk in their little white lady robes and fancy hats? Speaking of twerking, Lampiris is pretty sure t...
  Conservation is for little people

Rich A-Holes Guzzling California’s Last Drops Of Water Because ‘We’re Not All Equal’

freedom is deader than this lawn
...has told Californians to stop wasting all the water, because seriously, people, there is no more left. But rich fucks, being rich fucks, don’t give a fuck. The state is not the boss of them, and they’ll waste all the water they want, because they are better than the rest of us: Drought or no drought, Steve Yuhas resents the idea that it is somehow shameful to be a water hog. If you can pay for it, he argues, you should get ...
  Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey Woo

The Snake Oil Bulletin: When Your Psychic Tells You To Buy Her A Time Machine, Run Away

...s time machine take? A charming relic of 1960s Britannia or perhaps a souped up muscle car from the ’80s? Fuck no, it took the form of a $30,000 gold Rolex, and that was one of the cheaper options. Are you starting to consider a change in your career path after reading this shit? You’re not the only one. After the time travel plot didn’t work (probably because Delmaro didn’t have the stomach to kill Hitler), she sold him o...
  No ho diddly for you!

Nevada’s Bunny Ranch: Stay Away From Our Nice Hooker Sex Ladies, Josh Duggar!

Nope, Josh Duggar can't have those either.
...of whether they’re actually likely to patronize the joint. Donald Sterling got banned, for being a racist fuck; Ray Rice got banned, for being a wife-beating fuck; Michael Vick got banned, for being a dog-abusing fuck; “Duck Dynasty” patriarch Phil Robertson got banned, for being a gay-hating fuck; and Paris Hilton got banned, for being Paris Hilton. Nice company you’ve landed yourself in there, Josh Duggar! Maybe they cou...
  Also Needs Advice On Avoiding Publicity

Arizona’s ‘F*ck Islam’ Hero Selling Motorcycle To Buy More Guns, Obviously

Poor bastard can't even afford a shirt
...rofessional victim who organized the Great Big Scream At A Mosque Rally in Phoenix, proudly posed in his “Fuck Islam” t-shirt, claimed he has been targeted for death by radical Muslims, and whined — in the very same Facebook post — that “Not one news out let will interview me” but also “I just want me and my family to disappear” from public view. So of course, he’s in public view again. HeR...
  Bitch made fun of Noah's Ark too

Creation Museum Guy: If Miley Cyrus Is So Gay, She Should Do Sex To Barnyard Animals

...naked body, and how her revelation that she is “gender fluid” means she ought to just go ahead and fuck animals. Frankly, we’re a little worried Ham has been mainlining too much myrrh. Here is what Cyrus said: Sexually, Cyrus said she is “down with” anything. She views her sexuality and even her gender identity as fluid. “I am literally open to every single thing that is consenting and doesn’t involve an animal and everyone is...
  New investigation maybe?

What Are Dumb Duggars Trying To Hide Now?

Terrible people
...e child to make sure the child is all right. So we just need police assistance.” Is that just about the dumbest fucking thing you have ever read, besides all the other dumb fucking things you have already read about this dumb fucking family? Let’s just pretend for a moment to give Ma and Pa Duggar the benefit of the doubt, even though they’ve proven they don’t deserve it. Maybe they’re all living clean and ...
  Christ what an asshole

Gov. Sam Brownback To Judges: Wouldn’t It Be A Shame If I Stoled All Your Moneys?

Don't mind me, I'm just being a complete asshole.
...rts overturn this one law he doesn’t like, he gets to strip funding from the ENTIRE judiciary. “THE FUCK YOU SAY?” says You. Let’s see if we can Kansas-splain this in 500 words or less. Help us, New York Times! The measure, at the end of a lengthy bill that allocated money for the judiciary this year, stipulates that if a state court strikes down a 2014 law that removed some powers from the State Supreme Court, the judicia...
  Rest In Peace

Beau Biden Dies At 46, Confirming Fundamental Injustice Of Universe Once Again

We still think he looks a little like Steve Carrell here
...217;s wife Hallie and their two children, Natalie, 11, and Hunter, 9. And may we also just take a moment to say fuck cancer? Beau was the oldest of OHJB’s children, and along with his brother Hunter survived the 1972 car accident that killed Joe’s wife, Neilia, and his one year-old daughter, Naomi, just weeks after Joe had won his first term in the U.S. Senate. The New York Times cites Beau’s speech introducing his father at the...
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: There’s Sharia Creepin’ All Over Wonkette!

Newsweek's gift to posterity
...ur piece where we said that Islam is above criticism — we just had the silly notion that screaming “Fuck Islam” and packing guns outside a worship service is probably not a Good Thing. If it makes Elizabeth feel any better, we think Islam is just as much a myth as any other religion, and that the world would be a far better place if people were less inclined to kill each other over who has the best Invisible Friend of all. We sh...
  The No-Diddle Duggars

TLC: What If We Did A Show About The Duggars Who DON’T Diddle Little Girls?

Bye, Josh!
...nk this might be a moment for TLC to sit back and go, “YA KNOW? Maybe our little business plan of putting fucked up people on the teevee, and then being shocked when we find out that they are fucked up, is not working so well anymore!” TLC announced it is pulling 19 Kids And Counting for now but that no final decisions have been made as to the show’s future, even as advertisers run for the hills because who would want to be asso...

How Not To Counsel Your Daughters When They’ve Been Molested By Josh Duggar

Let us tell you our sex fantasies.
...childish sexual experimenting, considering they went to their dad for help. So that seems less like “dumb fucked-up repressed kid” and more like “predator.” I’d suggest he should have tried masturbating instead, but considering the values of his gross, terrible family, that’s probably an equal “sin.” We aren’t going to go into the Duggar family’s vicious, fork-tongued hypocrisy regarding...
  It's gonna be YOOOOOOOOOOOOGE!

President Donald Trump Will Build YOOOGE Gold-Plated Fence To Keep Out Messicans

It's A Big Lady, Take a Shot of Jager
...REAT way to reform immigration, right in the face. With a fence. A big one! A Trump fence! It will be klassy as fuck, and say TRUMP!!! on it, and it will be the greatest fucking fence you’ve ever seen. Suck it, China, with your “wall.” And then Executive Commander-in-Chief Trump will send an invoice to Mexico, on his official gold-scented President of America stationery: “To whoever Hispanican it may concern, which is ALL...
  oh look it's another fuck the poors story

Maine Gov. Paul LePage Will Starve Your Kids, Because You’re Probably A Gross Junkie Anyway

Not sorry your kids are hungry.
So, we know that Maine Gov. Paul LePage is an asshole, and that he likes to do everything he can to fuck the poors. Now, he has come up with a new trick, in the form of Maine LD 1407 , which proscribes a whole new set of hoops to jump through if you want to keep getting welfare or food stamps through the Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF program). Here, have some drug tests! Hope you don’t fail them, otherwise we just might ta...
  ooh poll taxes!

Ohio Will Let You Vote For The Low, Low Price Of $8.50!

Ohio is even less expensive than Monopoly!
...hio Republicans, for loving poor people so much that you will give them a free ID to vote with!” But nah, fuck those Ohio Republicans. Because this actually doesn’t just affect extremely poor people, but it definitely affects a lot of people who might be tempted by Satan into voting for Democrats. Policy Matters Ohio, which MSNBC reports is a “liberal leaning think tank,” so obviously they are liars, breaks it down: More t...
  Now we know

Jeb ‘The Smart One’ Bush Determined To Prove He’s Just As Stupid As His Brother

Yes, he's that dumb
...d know how to answer the most obvious question he will be asked during his not-yet-official campaign: Are you a fucking idiot just like your brother? Yes. Yes he is. Jeb stopped by Fox News — the cable news network that was the official sponsor of the George Dubya Bush presidency — for a quick friendly chat about how Jeb supposedly wants to be president, though he seems to be trying real hard to make sure that doesn’t happen. An...

Did Jeb Bush Personally Film Hardcore Porn Flicks As Florida Governor?

Shield your eyes!
...ich sure does sound weird! How were they “morbid?” Was Movie Gallery selling/renting DVDs of people fucking corpses or something? Does this mean that Jeb Bush supported CORPSE-FUCKING as Florida’s governor? REAL gross, Jeb, REAL gross. Or maybe it’s just that the American Family Association is a collective of underdeveloped prudes who find the naked human body itself to be “morbid.” Well, whatever. The AFA̵...