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Arkansas GOP Hero Proposes Hilarious Amendment To Put Liz Cheney In Jail
We all have family members who are fuck-ups, right? Uncle Larry who gives a creepy smile to the 14-year-old cousins at the family reunion, or Aunt Peg who has four DUIs. Back in Biblical times, the sins of family were sometimes used to punish innocent people. But that was long ago when people still believed [...]
Thank God This Arizona Republican Was There To Redo Invocation Ruined By Filthy Atheist Secular Humanist, Gross
Yesterday, we had a bit of a warm feeling where we’re told our heart should be when a Godless Arizona Democrat used his turn to give the legislature’s invocation to invite his fellow lawmakers to look around and see their common humanity, their fellowship, that whether they agreed on certain issues or not, they were [...]
Oklahoma Senate Holds Sneaky Hush-Hush Vote To Defund Planned Parenthood While No One’s Looking
You would think the legislators of Oklahoma would have their hands full with that whole our-state-got-totaled-by-a-tornado (or maybe it was the government’s secret “weather weapons”) situation. But no, turns out they are staying focused on the single biggest threat EVAH: health care for ladyparts. In the wake of one of the most destructive tornadoes in [...]
Right-Wing Bigot Commits Le Suicide To Wake Up France About Les Gays
There are many wonderful ways to voice your dissent on political issues of the day. You could, for example, put a bumper sticker on your car, which is highly effective. Or you could write a sternly worded letter to the powers that be. Or wave signs. Or put on a funny-looking hat with teabags hanging [...]
Jose Canseco Grows His Steroid-Shrunken Testes Enough To Tweet Rape Accuser’s Phone Number, Like A Man
Good news everyone — we’ve got a brand new story about Jose Canseco, the pathetic, washed-up, wife-beating, bankrupted pus-sac that hit a gillion home runs, got all his friends to do steroids, then wrote a book tattling on all of them. The PED trailblazer has also jumped into new ways of abusing women: Moving on [...]
Republicans Knew About IRSgate Too, Will Now Have To Investigate Themselves
Don’t you just hate when this happens? You’re desperately flailing about for years and years, trying to find just the right faux scandal to investigate so you can finally impeach President Obama (calm down, Jason Chaffetz, no, it isn’t time yet). Maybe it will be the fake-but-real birth certificate. Maybe it will be a rumor that [...]
Black Republican Virginia Lt. Gov Nominee Loves Segregation, Being Three-Fifths Of A Person
This week, we met E.W. Jackson, a conservative firebrand and Tea Party favorite who was nominated for Virginia’s lieutenant governorcy by virtue of the fact that the GOP skipped having a primary election this year in favor of letting their hardcore dingbats do it up convention-styley. This is like if California Democrats decided to turn [...]
Who Is John McCain Yelling At Now? (Hint: It Is Republicans)
John McCain is a bit of an odd duck. When he is not yelling at his wife that she is a fucking trollop cuntwhore, he is seething with not-quite-restrained anger at “that one” and pushing ladies into walls and almost punching other old ladies in wheelchairs. WHUT? Yeah. But now he is using his fearsome [...]
Separating Fiction From Even Weirder Fiction: A Special Fun Wonkette Quiz About The Weather
Everyone in the online universe has already pointed out that Oklahoma Senator Jim Inhofe (R-Tornado Alley) voted against Hurricane Sandy aid last year but will probably collect sweet sweet government monies for the Oklahoma disaster. (AS WELL HE SHOULD DAMMIT BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT THE GOVERNMENT IS THERE FOR EVEN IF YOUR SENATOR IS A [...]
No Buttsechs For Gay Messicans After All
Recently, there has been lots of Nice Time! for our LGBT sisters and brothers. But hey, this kind of momentum can’t go on forever, and who better to put a stop to it than the House GOP Senate GOP Democratic Senators from red blue states. Wait, what? Are you fucking kidding? Our latest group of [...]
Of Course Alex Jones Thinks The Government Did That Tornado To Oklahoma, He Is Alex Jones
Ah, wonderful. We have now reached the stage, after a natural — or maybe not-so-natural — disaster when certifiably insane people who for some reason have radio shows instead of padded cells explain that the G men in unmarked helicopters did that tornado to Oklahoma. Sure, it might have been nature — or maybe it [...]
Tenn Rep. Stephen Fincher Pocketed $9 Million in Ag Subsidies, Says Jesus Hates Food Stamps
So in our story yesterday on the Congressional debate over just how deeply Jesus wants food stamps to be cut, we missed a tiny detail that is probably worth mentioning. One of the special flowers seeking to slash the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program, aka food stamps, was Tennessee Bible-humper Stephen Fincher, who argued against feeding [...]
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