Search Results for “fuck”

  Mama Look A Bad-Ass

Learn Some Goddamn History From Harry Belafonte, Cool F*ckin’ Dude

Harry Belafonte is a fucking national treasure. (You, not being an idiot, already knew that.) Not only did he put food on Martin Luther King Jr.’s family, and work for civil rights from early on, and endure the Black List, and make awesome fucking music that your family loves to sing at you, he also makes fun of the Tea Party all the time and yells at Jay-Z to get all activist and shit. This weekend, he was honored by the Academy for being...
 

All-Knowing, Omnipotent Chuck Todd Says God Or Obama Is Dead (Same Difference)

...LOOOOVE when Chuck Todd tells us who our party belongs to — us? Does it belong to us? Hahahahhahaa get the fuck out, of course it doesn’t. It “belongs” to Bill and Hillz, because “super good reason here.” Have some crap Dems been running their little tootsies away from the president (and his fucking stellar accomplishments) just as fast as they possibly can? Sure. Just like President Al Gore did. Some of our mo...
  born to run

Chris Christie Will Win Presidency With New Jersey Charm And Probably Whacking His Opponents

This fucking guy
...tereotypes in undershirts and gold chains started yelling, “Fuckin’ tell ‘em Christie, you gabbagootz! You fuckin’ stoolieyanz! This fuckin’ guy, we fuckin’ love you, you big beautiful fligache! Fuckin’ respect, you fucks!” Christie also took a possible 2016 campaign slogan out for a spin, telling his audience that in the course of fighting hard to take back the White House from ...
  Only Ten Million Votes Short Of A Heartbeat Away

Let’s All Listen To Track And Bristol Palin, And Laugh And Laugh

Can't be too careful
...se Palins runnin’ up here in my property, actin’ like they own it… is not right. I’m the fuckin’ guy that owns this place, Korey Fuckin’ Klingenmeyer. I don’t give a fuck if their name’s Palin, or fuckin’ Obama, ’cause they don’t mean shit to me… And I think I might wanna press charges on Bristol Palin, so bring one of your officers the ...
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Stop Using Nerd Words Like ‘Wonkette’

Finally the sidekick gets to write a letter...damn marshmallow horses
...ngry Powder) and never turned back. Here’s a sampling: CHILD ABUSE. HOPE HE NEVER HAD ANY MORE. SAD. SICK FUCK. TOO BAD FOR YOU HOPE YOU DONT ABUSE YOUR KIDDIES THAT WAY NO WELL ADJUSTED NORMAL PERSON BEATS THE SHIT OUT OF A 4 YEAR OLD UNLESS HIS SICK AS FUCK HOPEFULLY TO HIS TESTES SO HE NEVER MAKES ANOTHER CHILD AGAIN. AMEN AND THANKS FOR THE POST OMG. DO YOU HAVE A 12 IQ? SICK BASTARD. WE ARE NOT LIVING IN THE WOODS GOING WEEEEHAWWWW OR...
  It's the least they can do ... the very least

Officer ‘Go F*ck Yourself’ Suspended Indefinitely, Cop Who Killed Michael Brown Still On Vacay

...is reporting that the St. Louis County Police Department will not stand for that kind of behavior, so Officer Go Fuck Yourself can now go fuck himself. Indefinitely. Great! This is exactly the kind of accountability people have been demanding, because being a police officer should not give you free license to stick your gun in people’s faces and threaten to pull the trigger. Now, as for holding the cop who actually did pull the trigger and...
  So Long Mom I'm Off To Drop The F-Bomb

Bad Mommy Says Swear In Front Of Her Kids, Gets Arrested In Front Of Her Kids

Next time she'll just say 'Blistering blue barnacles!
...he hadn’t been cussing her kids; she had been cussing her husband in front of the kids, because the stupid fucker was throwing the fucking frozen pizza into the basket right on top of the fucking bread. Wolf has a court date set for September 26; happily, the woman who went to the police to complain about another person saying “fuck” has called Wolf to apologize, so we bet both women feel one ...
  garbage news from garbage people

Thought Catalog Will Still Publish Complete Sewage But Will Not Tweet About It. Sometimes. Maybe.

...o the ground. You cannot find Jordans, rims, weaves or Quick Trips in Ferguson, MO. We don’t know what the fuck he is talking about with the whole Jordans and rims thing. Perhaps he is trying humor or perhaps he is really that intensely stupid. Probably both. And “newsreels”? Maybe this was written by a time traveler from 1938? Whatever this Very Special Brew was, it was enough to send Twitter into full WHAT THE FUCK, THOUGHT CA...
  I Am Mad About A Thing

Republican Hack And Plagiarist ‘Buzzfeed Benny’ Still Has Job, Because Buzzfeed

...may not be everyone’s cup of tea. (Years ago, one critic suggested, via email, “Either wash out your fucking mouth or drop fucking dead.” Thanks, MOM.) But my writing is most definitely MINE, because I am a writer, not a thief. And if I had suffered some serious brain trauma that turned me into a thief, I sure as hell wouldn’t expect my editor to make excuses for me or claim that it was some kind of oops! error instead of...
  I Am Mad About A Thing

I Take Birth Control Because I’m A Slutty Slut Who Sluts So Hard. You?

...s said (yep, still mad about that) you have a right to not take it anymore if you SINCERELY don’t want to. Fuck that. Fuck those mad as hell people. Fuck the Court. Fuck Sean Hannity and his idiotic “medical” advice to treat your endometriosis with condoms, hot diggity damn, what an idiot. Fuck Rush Limbaugh, who has no problem calling women sluts for taking sex pills — and ...
  I Am Mad About A Thing

Wingnut Nurse Sues Family Planning Center For Not Giving Her Job Just Because She Says She Won’t Do Job

Let’s play a game. It is sort of a choose-your-own-adventure make-believe game. Costumes optional. You are about to graduate from Thing-Doing School and apply for a job as a professional Thing-Doer, as one does after attending Thing-Doing School. You inform your potential employer that you are interested in the Thing-Doing job but will be unable to perform Thing-Doing duties because of your religious beliefs. Your potential employer tells...
  I Am Mad About A Thing

Ted Cruz Has A ‘Basic Suggestion’ For Democrats, And I Have One For Him

...ong, wrong, so wrong, allow me to confess my unpopular opinion. Maybe we should. Not only because they are major fucking assholes (see above re: major fucking assholes), but because also too they are still, despite their pinky-swears that they totally do not do this anymore, protecting priests who rape kids. Which does not seem very holy or Jesus-y to me. Maybe we shouldn’t listen to the bishops AT ALL about any goddamned thing until they c...
  the smell of captions in the morning

Sean Hannity Prayed For A Mission, And For His Sins, They Gave Him One

...ere’s just no end of possibilities here, from Hannity as Captain Queeg to Hannity as poor McNulty giving a fuck when it wasn’t his turn to give a fuck, or even Hannity’s On a Boat, Motherfucker. If you can pull off a McHale’s Navy reference that people actually get, so much the better! [Twitter] Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. The ponies. You’re looking at the ponies. Sometimes he goes too far. He’s the first...
  i believe i can fly

Breitbart Shocker: Somali Pirates Dressed As Guatemalan Children Flying Commercial With No ID’s? (Unclear)

Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s Internet Home For The Criminally Petulant has landed another hot scoopty-scoop today, following their masterful expose of Adidas-manufactured terrist prayer rugs. And that scoop? All those border children who are, eventually, released to family members in the United States while they wait for their George W. Bush-sanctioned due process, are allowed to fly on planes to meet those family members even though they don&...
  you are mad about a thing

Hi! How About All Y’all Stop Yelling At Me About The Ads? A Message From Your Editrix

Hi, it’s me, your Editrix! How are you? TERRIBLE? Are you TERRIBLE because we have soooo many ugly ads on this page, and they are ugly? Fuck dudes, that sucks, and I am sorry. NOW CAN YOU PLEASE STOP YELLING AT ME ABOUT THE ADS. Go click on Breitbart, or Daily Caller, or even our pals at LittleGreenFootballs. They have popups that when you close them pop up another popup! Do I do that to you? I DO NOT. (I don’t think.) Here is a se...
  lawsplaining

Supreme Court Did Another Bad Decision, Waited Till You Were Drunk To Tell You

...form, they said, was the same as actually providing the contraceptives themselves. You know, we forgot just how fucking ridiculous that argument sounded. Thanks for reminding us, Wheaton College. So the Supremes agreed that it was a goddamn national emergency that Wheaton College might have to sign a fucking form, and granted an injunction that allows them not to sign said fucking form. We’d be pissed about that in any event, but ...
  a visit to the goon squad

Bryan Fischer Blessed My Hot Gay Marriage

Yr Wonkette is pleased to bring you a special guest bloogpost by longtime commenter ElviouslyQueer. And congratulations, EQ! What has your intrepid correspondent, the beloved Elviouslyqueer, been up to this weekend? GLAD YOU ASKED! I was in Minnesota, at the Mall of America, getting my very gay ass™ very officially gay married on Saturday (there was a chapel! There were beads! There was booze galore, and delicious cake!). I even rode a mechani...
  go hug something. anything

AZ Senator Jeff Flake’s Son Probably Did Not Kill Those 20 Dead Dogs *On Purpose* So That’s Something Anyway

OK, we were kind of hoping to avoid writing about this because it is so fucking sad and we have very little funny to say about a whole bunch of dead puppies, but we’re just going to roll up our sleeves and do it. Last week, upwards of 20 dogs died in an Arizona boarding house, and U.S. Senator Jeff Flake’s kid, Austin, and his wife, were in charge when it happened. Also too Sheriff Joe Arpaio is the investigator. Everything is awful...
  two-way tie for worst

Georgia Hopes They Will Do A Better Job At Killing Someone Than Oklahoma Did

...e doesn’t have to look faux-smart or contrarian about it in the comments. What Wellons did was unspeakably fucking awful. He raped and murdered a 15-year-old girl. That’s pretty much literally unforgivable, but arguing that the state putting people to death via untested means is inhumane is in NO WAY FUCKING RELATED to what Wellons did nor is it an implicit condoning of what Wellons did. Reasonable people can actually hold two thought...
  scary monsters and super creeps

Hero Mom Will Save Her Homeschooled Babies From The Unending Imaginary Terror Of Common Core

Do you find yourself worrying about things that really will never happen, like aliens eating your face or “Freaks and Geeks” getting a second season 14 years later? Then perhaps you should consider joining forces with Jenni White, the crusading mom who is worried her homeschooled children will be sullied by the satanic influence of the Common Core standards, which might actually be a thing to worry about except for the fact that hom...
  he regrets nothing

Tony Blair Loved Invading Iraq, Is History’s Politest Greatest Monster

...nterfactual ie suppose in 2003, Saddam had been left running Iraq. Actually, we do want to have this debate, you fuck. We want to have this debate with every last one of you people that pretended this would be a swift little ass-kicking sort of invasion instead of a deadly quagmire. And oh, Tony Blair, it is your fucking mire of quag, nearly as much as it is Bush and Cheney’s. But yes, let’s “put the counterfactual” and in...
  the epitomy of a dumb ass

Deleted Comments Of The Day: How Can You Monsters Support The Troops When One’s A Traitor?

...whit for a comment that said “fuck West and all who support him.” CitizensRage was true to his name: Fuck us huh? Yeah we will see about that ass munch, you are about to take this to a whole other level by letting this deserting pig back into MY country, the country ME and others like me are about to take the fuck back. Have fun asswipe, because its gonna get ugly when WE win. CitizensRage also railed about ...