Search Results for “fuck”

  Everybody gets the pre-crucifixion jitters

Harlot Kentucky Clerk To Be Sentenced By Pontius Pilate Thursday

Kim Davis, this Friday.
...d One?” And she will say, “Naw, I’m Kim!” The high priest will ask, “Kim, why the fuck are you bothering us?” She will again explain how Jesus said gay marriages are just the worst, due to how in HER Bible it says that dirty adulteresses get to cast the first stone. Because, see, she’s been married FOUR TIMES, but check THIS out, two babby twins came out of her vagina just FIVE MONTHS after she got divorc...
  Blessed are the derp

Loser Kentucky Clerk’s 15 Minutes Of Martyrdom Just About Up

Nope, that is not what martyrs look like. Martyrs have swords or something, we think.
...really. Would her piddly-ass brain suddenly finish maturing enough to let her make the adult decision to do her fucking job, or would she jump up on the world’s lamest cross and beg her God to make her the world’s stupidest martyr? She chose the latter. The AP has been live-blogging the events as they unfold: On Tuesday morning, as Rowan County clerk Kim Davis’ office opened, two couples were denied licenses. A deputy clerk told...

How We Will Not Be Talking About The Murder Of Two Virginia Reporters

Their loved ones ask that they be remembered alive and smiling.
.... We will try to get it right and not breathlessly report every rumor we see on the interweb. We will talk about how yes, it is time, it is fuck fuck fuck FUCKING long past time, to talk about gun reform. Especially in a place like Virginia, where it is practically mandatory for all men, women, children, and puppies to be armed at all times. Count on that. And count on some kittens. Or maybe baby pandas. Because it’s that kind of day....

More Than Corndog Fellatio Pics: The Iowa State Fair, Wonksplained

Perry seems to have better technique There’s enough meat-on-sticks to make Rick Santorum yearn for a return to the Senate’s weekly butt-fuck night (Tuesdays at 7 pm in Russell 290). There’s a cow made out of enough butter to make Paula Deen momentarily forget the good ol’ days of plantation living. But what makes politicians line up to shake the hands of babies and kiss farmers? What’s this fair all about? Let’s wonksplain. It started in 1854, but it has grown to...
  I'm Stickin' With The Union

More Bad News For Republicans: Americans SO Gay For Labor Unions

They like representation! They really like representation!
They like representation! They really like representation! So here’s a big fuckin’ deal: Despite decades of declining union membership (thanks, “right to work” laws!), a new Gallup poll shows that, for the first time since the recession, a majority of Americans like labor unions again: Americans’ approval of labor unions has jumped five percentage points to 58% over the past year, and is now at its highest point si...
  Drink their tears

Oh No, Josh Duggar’s Cheatin’ Penis Makes The Family Values Crowd Look Bad!

Maybe this is happening because Jesus hates you.
...member of FRC and also one of the fathers of the “ex-gay” movement, got caught hiring a Florida gay fuckboy to “lift his luggage” on a trip to Spain: “The pictures on the profile show a shirtless young man with delicate features, guileless eyes, and sun-kissed, hairless skin. The profile touts his ‘smooth, sweet, tight ass’ and ‘perfectly built 8 inch cock (uncut)’ and explains he is ‘sensual,’ ‘wild,’ and ‘up...
  Karma is a hilarious bitch

Looks Like Josh Duggar Wanted To Molest An Adult For Once

Listen, honey, there's something I need to tell you.
...whose name is in there? Why, if it isn’t the Family Values Fundamentalist Christian Self-Righteous Motherfucker Piece Of Shit Sister-Molester EXTRAORDINAIRE, Joshua Duggar! Someone using a credit card belonging to a Joshua J. Duggar, with a billing address that matches the home in Fayetteville, Arkansas owned by his grandmother Mary—a home that was consistently shown on their now-cancelled TV show, and in which Anna Duggar gave birth to he...

Why 10-Year-Olds Should Not Be Pregnant: A Wonksplainer

Go fuck yourself, Mike Huckabee This weekend, Mike Huckabee, a man who would like to be president of the United States of America, explained why it is perfectly perfect that a 10- to 11-year-old girl should be forced to bear her stepfather’s child. Oh sure, it was “sad” and all, this actual real-life baby in Paraguay who was forced to give birth to a rapist’s baby, but what can you do? (An abortion. You can do an abortio...
  People different from us

Alleged Prep School Rapist Only Did It Because There Was A School Sex Contest, Probably

What you're SUPPOSED to do in boarding school.
...d river bend, Spirit Week contests where we’d all dress up like cheerleaders, and best of all, the Senior Fucking Contest, where all the senior boys would engage in a mighty endurance competition to see who could do the most fucking to the underclassmen. Oh how St. Paul’s School in New Hampshire did prepare us for storied careers in finance, industry, government and WAIT A MINUTE, did we just type “Senior Fucking Contest”?...
  let's gossip about the week's top stories

Crunchy Cooters, White Supremacists And Megyn Kelly. Your Weekly Top Ten.

Wonkette baby has formed opinions.
...217;t you happy? Moreover, only ONE of them is about candidates in the 2016 Republican primary. Because really, fuck all those nerds. So, let us sit together and look at the week’s top stories, all of which are being judged by Wonkette baby, pictured above, judging people, but first, as usual, we will shake you down for your dollars. We have so many special things planned for you, so many secrets we are withholding, but we can’t make...
  U r pathetic

You Really Hurt Giant Pussy Erick Erickson’s Feelings, You Jerks

...r the line. Indecent. Here is a sampling, from his sampling, of some of this unacceptable anger: Hey Erick…. Go Fuck Yourself ya dipshit, not seeing it and then embracing it!…… MORON…. Bath in the TRUTH!…. And: what a shill… u are just ordinary…..fukin Moron….I don’t even like Trump.. But u r the worst kind of hypocrite…I have never e-mailed a site like this..but u are what is wrong with the thinking, or lack thereof,, in the media….I will curse...

Raise Your Glasses High For Jimmy Carter, Wonkers, May He Live Forever

...globetrotting sense of adventure coupled with near-constant service to his nation and our earth. And he is fer fucking sure the greatest ex-president alive today. We’re not linking to any of the bullshit from the professional agitators on Twitter; they can have a fine old time on their lonesome. We don’t need any outrage, or anger, or even sadness. Jimmy Carter having liver cancer means we can toast him while he’s still alive,...
  This asshole again

Gross Texas A.G. Ken Paxton Sure Hopes He Gets To Screw Some Ladies On Way To Prison

Professional cum-sock.
...t requiring some employers to offer health plans that include contraceptive coverage. Oh good, he has a plan to fuck up some women, just in case he ends up in prison for the rest of his life, for being a criminal who wasn’t even smart enough to get away with it. But wait, you’re saying, isn’t there already an exemption in Obamacare that says religious nonprofits don’t have to provide contraception that they (INCORRECTLY BE...

Bristol Palin Takes Break From ISIS Battle To Slob Trump’s Knob

Bristol is here with the final word on ALL THIS BUSINESS.
...he was made aware that it was photoshopped. 2. He once called Supreme Court justice David Souter “the only goat fucking child molester to ever serve on the Supreme Court.” She also posts a tweet of Erickson saying it was really cool how Fox News let Donald Trump come on to say mean gross things about Rosie O’Donnell, and you know what? Bristol is CORRECT about this. Erick Erickson is a sexist fucking pig (but not a “pig fucker,”...
  But what does Kimmy Gibler think?

Kirk Cameron’s Idiot Sister Hates Gays Almost As Good As He Does

Screenshot from
...ll-hot brother Kirk Cameron is creationist DSM-IV material, and you’re on “The View” for some fucking reason, using your “real name” Candace Cameron Bure, and oh look, you’re getting pretty good at being just as much of a blithering idiot as he is: The View’s Candace Cameron Bure continued defending anti-gay bakeries that discriminate against gay consumers in an interview with HuffPo Live this week, where she c...
  Certain conditions may apply

Good News, Kansas Poors, You’re Allowed To Eat Food Again

Typical Kansas ATM line.
...awals each came with a $1 fee to the state, and often more fees on top of that, paid directly to banks, because fuck you poors, if you don’t like it, shouldn’t you just not be poor? Sorry, wingnut Kansas legislators and Gov. Brownback, but the federal government, and also the Kansas Department for Children and Families, have a proposal of their own, and it’s that y’all should eat hot shit on a stick: Phyllis Gilmore, secre...