Search Results for “fuck”

  George Stephanopoulos's questions have a well known liberal bias

Indiana Gov. Mike Pence: I Proudly Signed Some Anti-Gay Sh*t I Don’t Understand

I am a deeply stupid man, I am the biggest idiot, I am the worst governor of any of the states, and that is saying something.
...oulos Sunday Teevee Funtimes Mimosa Hour, where he attempted to defend his decision to sign Indiana’s new Fuck The Gays bill, known by its supporters as a totally necessary safeguard protecting their precious religious freedom. Pence first claims that this is a totally normal law, because the federal Religious Freedom Restoration Act (RFRA) was signed 20 years ago by President Bill (Democrat) Clinton (Democrat), and because Illinois has...
  Nice state you've got there -- shame if something were to happen to it

Corporations And Celebrities Agree: Anti-Gay Indiana Can Get Bent

On Thursday, wingnut Indiana Gov. Mike Pence signed his state’s Fuck The Gays bill into law, which basically says that as long as your religion tells you Jesus’s first and only question on Judgment Day will be “and how many of my gay children did you personally abuse?”, you are free to use those beliefs to deny LGBT people service and accommodations in the forgotten, godforsaken state of Indiana. Gov. Pence did so becaus...
  why don't we get drunk and ... nope

Here Is John Boehner, Too Drunk To F*ck (Video)

...o of a man Chuck says is John Boehner, though there is no way to really know, come to think of it, slurring THE FUCK outta some names of some colleges. At Johnson’s flagship muckraking website, Gotnews.com, he says that John Boehner is being racist in the above sideways cell phone camera video, because he called the NCAA (you know, the dudes who run college basketball) the NAACP/NCAA and then chuckled. We, as a white woman, were not sure if...
  But in a good way!

Christian Church Will Take Convention To Better State Than Anti-Gay Indiana, For Religious Freedom

The Disciples of Christ denomination's cup runneth over, even for gays!
...rsday morning in a “private ceremony.” Good for the Gen Con folks, because an Indiana with a “Fuck You Gays” bill doesn’t deserve tourism money. But now a true House Of The Lord is ALSO threatening to take their convention to a better state. Yes, you read that right. A Christian denomination, the Disciples Of Christ to be exact, wrote a letter to the governor saying, “Sorry, we follow Jesus,” because appa...
 

The Snake Oil Bulletin: I See Bullsh*t in Your Future

...Ever. It’s hard for us to summarize this article with the requisite dick jokes it deserves because it is fucking long. We’re pretty sure even the writer fell asleep halfway through. If you love the length of a dissertation but hate all of that research-y and science-y stuff, this article is for you. Hilariously, the article plugs a book by Amy Lansky with the completely unironic title of Impossible Cure: The Promise of Homeopathy. Ho...
  Now look what you've done!

Bad Seed Aaron Schock Has Shamed His Daddy And Made Him Sad

Aaron's jazz hands ignore his father's pain
.... Apparently it is on Dr. Richard Schock’s radar, in some way, that his son is Not Gay, but doesn’t Fuck Women, but wears Blue Belts and also is probably gay. Aaron, why are you making things so awkward for your father? Maybe you should have The Talk with him. Start by apologizing for being such a fuck-up, so he doesn’t have to make awkward excuses for you anymore. He went on to say this, which is, um, interesting: “Ten ye...
  Just hope the plane doesn't go down while you're going down

Spirit Airlines Will 69 You In The Sky, Wingnut Outrage To Commence Shortly

Mile High Club
...s into the city, assuring travelers that they are NOT smoking all of the crack. Also, sometimes, they are kinda fucking rude, like when they did the “Eye Of The Tiger” campaign, after Tiger Woods was in a car accident, which featured a tiger slamming his SUV into a fire hydrant. Or the time when they used the “free at last!” slogan to celebrate air travel on Martin Luther King, Jr.’s birthday, that’s NOT racial...
  Get rapture ready

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Let’s Read Bible Prophecy Porn Together!

...d and demonstrate no statistically significant data: it’s the vast allopathic (their word for “real fucking medicine”) conspiracy against them, which prevents them from getting funded, and thus the real reason their studies never produce the results they want. These guys are sounding more and more like creationists with every paragraph. Conspiracies are the reason their research is so shoddy. You gotta believe us. There is no ot...
  in his majesty’s secret service … chug chug chug!

Secret Service Bros Drunk Drive Into White House Barricades. Party On!

...he president is in such fine, mature hands, even if those hands don’t know how to pick up a cell phone and call fucking Uber or fucking walk or take the fucking subway or drunk-crash their own fucking car into the President’s Mansion. And it is also good to know that, here in America, no one is above the law. Haha just kidding. Officers on duty who witnessed the March 4 incident wanted to arrest the agents and conduct ...
  goin' back to indiana

Oh Good, Sydney Leathers Is Back, Still Doing Gross Sex On Democrats

step 9: buy more eye shadow
...n a call for comment Tuesday. Sorry dude, but it is not actually “a private matter” when you are SO FUCKING DUMB you are sexting and buying pink dominatrix leashes and collars on Amazon FOR SYDNEY LEATHERS, you fucking garbage idiot, ugh. How stupid is Justin Moed’s penis? It got hard for a woman who did her labiaplasty on camera and then sold off her extra bagina skin! It got firm for a pathetic crazy person who bounced her new...
  Always knew these guys caused cancer

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Your Week In New Age Quack-Quack Woo

Your cancer is in another castle!
...e, and anti-brain-using nonsense on the net. Speaking of anti-vaxxers… Anti-Vaxxers Have Always Been Bull-Fucking Lunatics Have you had your fill of anti-vaccine nonsense in the news lately? Your Wonkette reported earlier this week on an anti-vaxxer who somehow got elected to the Spokane Regional Board of Health. This particular gentleman was quite a hero, speaking for the beleaguered tinfoil hat crowd (his words), who just want the right...
  a state without a mexican

TripAdvisor Reviews From Your Racist Uncle

...verything” parties or Pan-Galactic Gargleblasters in my immediate future. I was soon in a “visit bumfuck Montana” internet k-hole, looking up every sad little town (lookin’ at you, Deer Lodge) within conceivable driving distance of our liberal college-town oasis — where there are still only white people, and it is weird, but at least no one’s shot me yet for my Prius complete with Obamacare sticker and Californ...
  anything less than grand theft is a felony

Stop, Collaborate and Put Your F*cking Hands Up: Your Florida Roundup

Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly
...urse, like all red-blooded USAmericans, became quickly annoyed with “Ice, Ice Baby” on the radio every fourteen fucking seconds, but you have NO FUCKING IDEA what it was like unless you lived here back then. This, the rocket-to-the-top-of-the-charts blending of South Florida club culture with faux-gangsta appropriation of black music, was, as a cultural touchstone — with apologies to Miles Davis — the Birth of the Douche, a particular kind of Sou...
  eat the rich

Hero Hilton Heir Is Emperor Of All He Surveys, Also: Arrested

He looks like this probably
...goes. You pop one Ambien, and next thing you know, you’re screaming at everyone around you that they are fucking peasants, soooooo beneath you, and also maybe getting high on reefer in the airplane bathroom too, while you’re at it. Really gotta watch out for those sleeping pills. Or maybe Conrad is just trying to keep up with his brother Barron, who is also a total drunken crimer who was ordered to pay $4.9 million — or as the...
  Excuse me while I fanboy

The Snake Oil Bulletin: You Want To Read About ‘The Amazing Randi,’ The Greatest Woo-Fighter

Fresh out of butt jokes this week.
...o of them decided to call Geller out for using garden variety illusions but passing himself off as King Shit of Fuck Mountain, to quote your Volpe’s beloved granny. As you can see in the above clip, Randi also made headlines for exposing that (not alleged) fuckhead Peter Popoff, who was just stone cold stealing people’s money, telling enfeebled audience members to throw their medications onto the stage rather than take them, and e...
  insert your own ball joke

Tucker Carlson’s Internet Home For Fascists Who Can’t Read Good Blames Liberals For Tom Brady’s Deflated Balls

...pay attention to the sportsball controversy some moron decided to call Deflategate, because everything needs a fucking “-gate” suffix, because every-fucking-thing is just like Richard Nixon ratfucking the country. Whenever the conversation at our happy hour/cocktail party/coke-fueled orgy turned to the subject of whether Tom Brady had deflated his footballs to give his football team some sort of advantage or another over the opposing ...
  florida. man.

Guns, Boob Leaks, And Wack Doogie Howser: Your Florida Roundup

...convicted felon. In Florida, we call that social studies. Moving on: The governor is still a probably corrupt fuckhead. Only now, he’s a probably corrupt fuckhead whose friends are jumping ship. During the past few days, Attorney General Pam Bondi, Chief Financial Officer Jeff Atwater and Agriculture Commissioner Adam Putnam have raised questions about how [former Florida Department of Law Enforcement Commissioner Gerald] Bailey’s departu...
  SOOEY!

2015 GOP State Of The Union Response Starring Joni Ernst And A Plastic Bag Shoe Liveblog

She hearts you 'Merica
...Lights with Coach Gene Heckman drinking his face off in the manager’s throne. 10:51 Here’s another fucking livefeed to crash your browser, you’re welcome. 10:52 Congressman Clawson really did just say, “too much dyin'” in his foreign policy exegesis. That was some nice Spanish he said though, probably. We don’t speak Spanish too good. 10:58 That is it for the night on this particular liveblog! Sasha and Mal...
  my fellow kenyan impostor wussy dictators

Extra Extra! Get Your 2015 Barack Obama State Of The Union Liveblog Here!

There he goes murdering jobs and the oil industry again
...rack (“Mom”) Obama. Will he announce Obamaphones for some and FEMA camps for the rest? Here’s fucking hoping. Come on in and don’t forget to hit “refresh” on your browser a whole bunch of times to see if we have wrote new stuff at ya. Taking the first shift will be me, your Editrix, Rebecca Schoenkopf. As I am currently four months swole with child, this liveblog will be stupid and boring and not at all shitfa...
 

How Dumb Is My State? (Very Dumb): Your Florida Roundup

rick scott
...nd maybe-rapey sportsball stars and failing schools and theme parks and charlatans and beaches and George-motherfucking-Zimmerman, all governed by a twice-elected con artist who looks like this guy and wants to be this guy. My home is a very special place, and the good folks at Yr Wonkette have asked me, your Florida Correspondent, to be your weekly tour guide through this strange, mosquito-infested swampland paradise. We begin in Palm Beach, Exh...
  Meet The Neighbors

Boston Cop Calls Guy ‘N-Word,’ Beats Uber Driver, Steals His Car. Because ‘Boston’

...ess, the “suspect stated they were in the wrong location.” The “suspect then stated ‘[You] think I’m stupid you fucking spic’ and told the victim to continue driving.” Sounds like the kind of misunderstanding that could happen to anyone! We might speculate that perhaps this off-duty officer, having imbibed some spirited beverages, was a little hazy when he initially gave his address, then got just a touch assertive in telling the driver how to co...
  king of pain

2014: The Year The Stupidest Man On The Internet Handed Off His Aluminum Crown

...own (the one that says “Stupidest Man on the Internet,” DO try to keep up!) to the pure, righteous, fuckin’ dumb that is New Blogger on the Block Chuck C. Johnson. Let us rejoice and be glad! For years — eons! geologic ages! — Jim Hoft reigned supreme over our fair land, a man of spite and viciousness who never saw something he couldn’t fuck up. (Though he saw many things he couldn’t pay the fuck ...