Search Results for “fuck”

  Always knew these guys caused cancer

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Your Week In New Age Quack-Quack Woo

Your cancer is in another castle!
...e, and anti-brain-using nonsense on the net. Speaking of anti-vaxxers… Anti-Vaxxers Have Always Been Bull-Fucking Lunatics Have you had your fill of anti-vaccine nonsense in the news lately? Your Wonkette reported earlier this week on an anti-vaxxer who somehow got elected to the Spokane Regional Board of Health. This particular gentleman was quite a hero, speaking for the beleaguered tinfoil hat crowd (his words), who just want the right...
  a state without a mexican

TripAdvisor Reviews From Your Racist Uncle

...verything” parties or Pan-Galactic Gargleblasters in my immediate future. I was soon in a “visit bumfuck Montana” internet k-hole, looking up every sad little town (lookin’ at you, Deer Lodge) within conceivable driving distance of our liberal college-town oasis — where there are still only white people, and it is weird, but at least no one’s shot me yet for my Prius complete with Obamacare sticker and Californ...
  anything less than grand theft is a felony

Stop, Collaborate and Put Your F*cking Hands Up: Your Florida Roundup

Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly
...urse, like all red-blooded USAmericans, became quickly annoyed with “Ice, Ice Baby” on the radio every fourteen fucking seconds, but you have NO FUCKING IDEA what it was like unless you lived here back then. This, the rocket-to-the-top-of-the-charts blending of South Florida club culture with faux-gangsta appropriation of black music, was, as a cultural touchstone — with apologies to Miles Davis — the Birth of the Douche, a particular kind of Sou...
  eat the rich

Hero Hilton Heir Is Emperor Of All He Surveys, Also: Arrested

He looks like this probably
...goes. You pop one Ambien, and next thing you know, you’re screaming at everyone around you that they are fucking peasants, soooooo beneath you, and also maybe getting high on reefer in the airplane bathroom too, while you’re at it. Really gotta watch out for those sleeping pills. Or maybe Conrad is just trying to keep up with his brother Barron, who is also a total drunken crimer who was ordered to pay $4.9 million — or as the...
  Excuse me while I fanboy

The Snake Oil Bulletin: You Want To Read About ‘The Amazing Randi,’ The Greatest Woo-Fighter

Fresh out of butt jokes this week.
...o of them decided to call Geller out for using garden variety illusions but passing himself off as King Shit of Fuck Mountain, to quote your Volpe’s beloved granny. As you can see in the above clip, Randi also made headlines for exposing that (not alleged) fuckhead Peter Popoff, who was just stone cold stealing people’s money, telling enfeebled audience members to throw their medications onto the stage rather than take them, and e...
  insert your own ball joke

Tucker Carlson’s Internet Home For Fascists Who Can’t Read Good Blames Liberals For Tom Brady’s Deflated Balls

...pay attention to the sportsball controversy some moron decided to call Deflategate, because everything needs a fucking “-gate” suffix, because every-fucking-thing is just like Richard Nixon ratfucking the country. Whenever the conversation at our happy hour/cocktail party/coke-fueled orgy turned to the subject of whether Tom Brady had deflated his footballs to give his football team some sort of advantage or another over the opposing ...
  florida. man.

Guns, Boob Leaks, And Wack Doogie Howser: Your Florida Roundup

...convicted felon. In Florida, we call that social studies. Moving on: The governor is still a probably corrupt fuckhead. Only now, he’s a probably corrupt fuckhead whose friends are jumping ship. During the past few days, Attorney General Pam Bondi, Chief Financial Officer Jeff Atwater and Agriculture Commissioner Adam Putnam have raised questions about how [former Florida Department of Law Enforcement Commissioner Gerald] Bailey’s departu...
  SOOEY!

2015 GOP State Of The Union Response Starring Joni Ernst And A Plastic Bag Shoe Liveblog

She hearts you 'Merica
...Lights with Coach Gene Heckman drinking his face off in the manager’s throne. 10:51 Here’s another fucking livefeed to crash your browser, you’re welcome. 10:52 Congressman Clawson really did just say, “too much dyin'” in his foreign policy exegesis. That was some nice Spanish he said though, probably. We don’t speak Spanish too good. 10:58 That is it for the night on this particular liveblog! Sasha and Mal...
  my fellow kenyan impostor wussy dictators

Extra Extra! Get Your 2015 Barack Obama State Of The Union Liveblog Here!

There he goes murdering jobs and the oil industry again
...rack (“Mom”) Obama. Will he announce Obamaphones for some and FEMA camps for the rest? Here’s fucking hoping. Come on in and don’t forget to hit “refresh” on your browser a whole bunch of times to see if we have wrote new stuff at ya. Taking the first shift will be me, your Editrix, Rebecca Schoenkopf. As I am currently four months swole with child, this liveblog will be stupid and boring and not at all shitf...
 

How Dumb Is My State? (Very Dumb): Your Florida Roundup

rick scott
...nd maybe-rapey sportsball stars and failing schools and theme parks and charlatans and beaches and George-motherfucking-Zimmerman, all governed by a twice-elected con artist who looks like this guy and wants to be this guy. My home is a very special place, and the good folks at Yr Wonkette have asked me, your Florida Correspondent, to be your weekly tour guide through this strange, mosquito-infested swampland paradise. We begin in Palm Beach, Exh...
  Meet The Neighbors

Boston Cop Calls Guy ‘N-Word,’ Beats Uber Driver, Steals His Car. Because ‘Boston’

...ess, the “suspect stated they were in the wrong location.” The “suspect then stated ‘[You] think I’m stupid you fucking spic’ and told the victim to continue driving.” Sounds like the kind of misunderstanding that could happen to anyone! We might speculate that perhaps this off-duty officer, having imbibed some spirited beverages, was a little hazy when he initially gave his address, then got just a touch assertive in telling the driver how to co...
  king of pain

2014: The Year The Stupidest Man On The Internet Handed Off His Aluminum Crown

...own (the one that says “Stupidest Man on the Internet,” DO try to keep up!) to the pure, righteous, fuckin’ dumb that is New Blogger on the Block Chuck C. Johnson. Let us rejoice and be glad! For years — eons! geologic ages! — Jim Hoft reigned supreme over our fair land, a man of spite and viciousness who never saw something he couldn’t fuck up. (Though he saw many things he couldn’t pay the fuck ...
  the commentczar's in town

You Are The Opitomy Of A Dumb Ass: 2014’s Greatest (Stupidest) Deleted Comments

He seems festive
...cided not to give a platform to the Aryan Bigot Twins: “Because they are a totally private business and not the fucking US government, they then made a business decision” So following this thought process and the whole “gays watch HGTV”, a person running a bakery can refuse service to a gay couple because they’re service demographic is straight evangelical couples? Free speach is free speach dumb ass. Your intolerance of someone’s right to speak...
  pow! right in the kisser!

2014: The Year Bristol Palin And Her Mom, Ol’ Whatsername, Made All Our Dreams Come True

She's all out of makeup, frankly.
...ng up in stretch Hummer limos to other people’s birthday parties and then trying (unsuccessfully) to beat fuck-all out of em. No? Just us? Huh, oh well. After the news broke about the Palins’ walk on the vicious side, there was much chest-beating on the right that we on the left were condoning violence against Bristol Palin. If you read the police report, which we did, that was a load of bubbling hog shit. According to the approximat...
  la ciudad mi corazon

Our Man In Havana

...ly a couple of whom have statues because they turned out to be so corrupt and lame, and the Cuban people said, “Fuck! Enough with statues of the presidents already, let’s just sculpt some more of Jose Marti!” And Havana is so dreamy and beautiful and different — different from our homes, from anyplace we have been, and from how we thought it would be. It is massively crowded, 2.2 million people squashed into a city you could walk across in not so...
  media circus

Inside The Collapse Of The New Yorker’s Inside The Collapse Of The New Republic

...ner of Wonkette.com, about to school the august staff of The New Republic on ethics in magazine journalism? You fucking betcha! Our cast of characters, for those who have declined to read the Twitter caterwauls, includes TNR editor Franklin Foer, who is apparently beloved by all; literary editor Leon Wieseltier, who is apparently beloved by all; some guy named Guy who really does sound like the worst sort of tool (WE AGREE!); and villainous new o...
  Mama Look A Bad-Ass

Learn Some Goddamn History From Harry Belafonte, Cool F*ckin’ Dude

Harry Belafonte is a fucking national treasure. (You, not being an idiot, already knew that.) Not only did he put food on Martin Luther King Jr.’s family, and work for civil rights from early on, and endure the Black List, and make awesome fucking music that your family loves to sing at you, he also makes fun of the Tea Party all the time and yells at Jay-Z to get all activist and shit. This weekend, he was honored by the Academy for bein...
 

All-Knowing, Omnipotent Chuck Todd Says God Or Obama Is Dead (Same Difference)

...8220;party of Obama.” Let’s listen in! For those of you who wished to spare your ears having Chuck Fucking Todd in them, he declared that Democrats this cycle were begging Bill Clinton to come stump for them, but were not begging that stupid Barack Obama to come campaign for them, because he has cooties. Black cooties even. (Black cooties are like regular-white-people cooties, except they’re super-good dancers, and they talk Ji...
  born to run

Chris Christie Will Win Presidency With New Jersey Charm And Probably Whacking His Opponents

This fucking guy
...ice of an auto shop off Exit 37, a bunch of Jersey stereotypes in undershirts and gold chains started yelling, “Fuckin’ tell ‘em Christie, you gabbagootz! You fuckin’ stoolieyanz! This fuckin’ guy, we fuckin’ love you, you big beautiful fligache! Fuckin’ respect, you fucks!” Christie also took a possible 2016 campaign slogan out for a spin, telling his audience that in the course ...
  Only Ten Million Votes Short Of A Heartbeat Away

Let’s All Listen To Track And Bristol Palin, And Laugh And Laugh

Can't be too careful
...e Palins runnin’ up here in my property, actin’ like they own it… is not right. I’m the fuckin’ guy that owns this place, Korey Fuckin’ Klingenmeyer. I don’t give a fuck if their name’s Palin, or fuckin’ Obama, ’cause they don’t mean shit to me… And I think I might wanna press charges on Bristol Palin, so bring one of your officers the ...
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Stop Using Nerd Words Like ‘Wonkette’

Dear Princess Celestia... As a dragon, I find Hearth's Warming Eve to be very offensive.
...og. In our story on the imminent arrival on Meet the Press of priapic nepotism beneficiary Luke “Shut the Fuck Up Luke Russert” Russert, one of you just plain went all Rand Paul and stoled a line from a comment left on the Crooks & Liars blog. And thisjakes let us know about it. Three times, several hours apart: Thanks for plagiarizing my comment from http://crooksandliars.com/2014/09/rip-meet-press - flattery Please put quotatio...
  It's the least they can do ... the very least

Officer ‘Go F*ck Yourself’ Suspended Indefinitely, Cop Who Killed Michael Brown Still On Vacay

...far as we know. We’re talking about this other cop, known only by his self-professed nickname Officer Go Fuck Yourself. (GFY to his friends, we guess?) A video documenting the encounter … that made the rounds on Wednesday showed the officer — who was pointing his gun in the direction of the camera – telling the residents, “I will [expletive] kill you.” When asked for his name, the officer responded with, “Go [expletive] yourself.” Yo...