Search Results for “fuck”

Officer ‘Go F*ck Yourself’ Suspended Indefinitely, Cop Who Killed Michael Brown Still On Vacay

  It's the least they can do ... the very least
...is reporting that the St. Louis County Police Department will not stand for that kind of behavior, so Officer Go Fuck Yourself can now go fuck himself. Indefinitely. Great! This is exactly the kind of accountability people have been demanding, because being a police officer should not give you free license to stick your gun in people’s faces and threaten to pull the trigger. Now, as for holding the cop who actually did pull the trigger and...

Bad Mommy Says Swear In Front Of Her Kids, Gets Arrested In Front Of Her Kids

  So Long Mom I'm Off To Drop The F-Bomb
Next time she'll just say 'Blistering blue barnacles!
...he hadn’t been cussing her kids; she had been cussing her husband in front of the kids, because the stupid fucker was throwing the fucking frozen pizza into the basket right on top of the fucking bread. Wolf has a court date set for September 26; happily, the woman who went to the police to complain about another person saying “fuck” has called Wolf to apologize, so we bet both women feel one ...

Thought Catalog Will Still Publish Complete Sewage But Will Not Tweet About It. Sometimes. Maybe.

  garbage news from garbage people
...o the ground. You cannot find Jordans, rims, weaves or Quick Trips in Ferguson, MO. We don’t know what the fuck he is talking about with the whole Jordans and rims thing. Perhaps he is trying humor or perhaps he is really that intensely stupid. Probably both. And “newsreels”? Maybe this was written by a time traveler from 1938? Whatever this Very Special Brew was, it was enough to send Twitter into full WHAT THE FUCK, THOUGHT CA...

Republican Hack And Plagiarist ‘Buzzfeed Benny’ Still Has Job, Because Buzzfeed

  I Am Mad About A Thing
...may not be everyone’s cup of tea. (Years ago, one critic suggested, via email, “Either wash out your fucking mouth or drop fucking dead.” Thanks, MOM.) But my writing is most definitely MINE, because I am a writer, not a thief. And if I had suffered some serious brain trauma that turned me into a thief, I sure as hell wouldn’t expect my editor to make excuses for me or claim that it was some kind of oops! error instead of...

I Take Birth Control Because I’m A Slutty Slut Who Sluts So Hard. You?

  I Am Mad About A Thing
...s said (yep, still mad about that) you have a right to not take it anymore if you SINCERELY don’t want to. Fuck that. Fuck those mad as hell people. Fuck the Court. Fuck Sean Hannity and his idiotic “medical” advice to treat your endometriosis with condoms, hot diggity damn, what an idiot. Fuck Rush Limbaugh, who has no problem calling women sluts for taking sex pills — and ...

Wingnut Nurse Sues Family Planning Center For Not Giving Her Job Just Because She Says She Won’t Do Job

  I Am Mad About A Thing
Let’s play a game. It is sort of a choose-your-own-adventure make-believe game. Costumes optional. You are about to graduate from Thing-Doing School and apply for a job as a professional Thing-Doer, as one does after attending Thing-Doing School. You inform your potential employer that you are interested in the Thing-Doing job but will be unable to perform Thing-Doing duties because of your religious beliefs. Your potential employer tells...

Ted Cruz Has A ‘Basic Suggestion’ For Democrats, And I Have One For Him

  I Am Mad About A Thing
...ong, wrong, so wrong, allow me to confess my unpopular opinion. Maybe we should. Not only because they are major fucking assholes (see above re: major fucking assholes), but because also too they are still, despite their pinky-swears that they totally do not do this anymore, protecting priests who rape kids. Which does not seem very holy or Jesus-y to me. Maybe we shouldn’t listen to the bishops AT ALL about any goddamned thing until they c...

Sean Hannity Prayed For A Mission, And For His Sins, They Gave Him One

  the smell of captions in the morning
...ere’s just no end of possibilities here, from Hannity as Captain Queeg to Hannity as poor McNulty giving a fuck when it wasn’t his turn to give a fuck, or even Hannity’s On a Boat, Motherfucker. If you can pull off a McHale’s Navy reference that people actually get, so much the better! [Twitter] Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. The ponies. You’re looking at the ponies. Sometimes he goes too far. He’s the first...

Breitbart Shocker: Somali Pirates Dressed As Guatemalan Children Flying Commercial With No ID’s? (Unclear)

  i believe i can fly
Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s Internet Home For The Criminally Petulant has landed another hot scoopty-scoop today, following their masterful expose of Adidas-manufactured terrist prayer rugs. And that scoop? All those border children who are, eventually, released to family members in the United States while they wait for their George W. Bush-sanctioned due process, are allowed to fly on planes to meet those family members even though they don&...

Hi! How About All Y’all Stop Yelling At Me About The Ads? A Message From Your Editrix

  you are mad about a thing
Hi, it’s me, your Editrix! How are you? TERRIBLE? Are you TERRIBLE because we have soooo many ugly ads on this page, and they are ugly? Fuck dudes, that sucks, and I am sorry. NOW CAN YOU PLEASE STOP YELLING AT ME ABOUT THE ADS. Go click on Breitbart, or Daily Caller, or even our pals at LittleGreenFootballs. They have popups that when you close them pop up another popup! Do I do that to you? I DO NOT. (I don’t think.) Here is a se...

Supreme Court Did Another Bad Decision, Waited Till You Were Drunk To Tell You

  lawsplaining
...form, they said, was the same as actually providing the contraceptives themselves. You know, we forgot just how fucking ridiculous that argument sounded. Thanks for reminding us, Wheaton College. So the Supremes agreed that it was a goddamn national emergency that Wheaton College might have to sign a fucking form, and granted an injunction that allows them not to sign said fucking form. We’d be pissed about that in any event, but ...

Bryan Fischer Blessed My Hot Gay Marriage

  a visit to the goon squad
Yr Wonkette is pleased to bring you a special guest bloogpost by longtime commenter ElviouslyQueer. And congratulations, EQ! What has your intrepid correspondent, the beloved Elviouslyqueer, been up to this weekend? GLAD YOU ASKED! I was in Minnesota, at the Mall of America, getting my very gay ass™ very officially gay married on Saturday (there was a chapel! There were beads! There was booze galore, and delicious cake!). I even rode a mechani...

AZ Senator Jeff Flake’s Son Probably Did Not Kill Those 20 Dead Dogs *On Purpose* So That’s Something Anyway

  go hug something. anything
OK, we were kind of hoping to avoid writing about this because it is so fucking sad and we have very little funny to say about a whole bunch of dead puppies, but we’re just going to roll up our sleeves and do it. Last week, upwards of 20 dogs died in an Arizona boarding house, and U.S. Senator Jeff Flake’s kid, Austin, and his wife, were in charge when it happened. Also too Sheriff Joe Arpaio is the investigator. Everything is awful...

Georgia Hopes They Will Do A Better Job At Killing Someone Than Oklahoma Did

  two-way tie for worst
...e doesn’t have to look faux-smart or contrarian about it in the comments. What Wellons did was unspeakably fucking awful. He raped and murdered a 15-year-old girl. That’s pretty much literally unforgivable, but arguing that the state putting people to death via untested means is inhumane is in NO WAY FUCKING RELATED to what Wellons did nor is it an implicit condoning of what Wellons did. Reasonable people can actually hold two thought...

Hero Mom Will Save Her Homeschooled Babies From The Unending Imaginary Terror Of Common Core

  scary monsters and super creeps
Do you find yourself worrying about things that really will never happen, like aliens eating your face or “Freaks and Geeks” getting a second season 14 years later? Then perhaps you should consider joining forces with Jenni White, the crusading mom who is worried her homeschooled children will be sullied by the satanic influence of the Common Core standards, which might actually be a thing to worry about except for the fact that hom...

Tony Blair Loved Invading Iraq, Is History’s Politest Greatest Monster

  he regrets nothing
...nterfactual ie suppose in 2003, Saddam had been left running Iraq. Actually, we do want to have this debate, you fuck. We want to have this debate with every last one of you people that pretended this would be a swift little ass-kicking sort of invasion instead of a deadly quagmire. And oh, Tony Blair, it is your fucking mire of quag, nearly as much as it is Bush and Cheney’s. But yes, let’s “put the counterfactual” and in...

Deleted Comments Of The Day: How Can You Monsters Support The Troops When One’s A Traitor?

  the epitomy of a dumb ass
...whit for a comment that said “fuck West and all who support him.” CitizensRage was true to his name: Fuck us huh? Yeah we will see about that ass munch, you are about to take this to a whole other level by letting this deserting pig back into MY country, the country ME and others like me are about to take the fuck back. Have fun asswipe, because its gonna get ugly when WE win. CitizensRage also railed about ...

Blast From The Past! Murdery Blackwater Guards Finally Standing Trial

  justice delayed better not be denied
...they can’t spell. Anyway, we’re thinking about BlackXeMi today, because those guards that murdered a fuckton of Iraqi people — ALLEGEDLY — are finally on trial. About goddamn time. It has been seven fucking years, people. After years of delays, four former guards from the security firm Blackwater Worldwide are facing trial in the killings of 14 Iraqi civilians and the wounding of 18 others in bloodshed that inflamed anti-...

Hero Utah Cop Did Not Guard The Gays At Their Parade Because Freedom

  police story
You guys, are we talking about the gays too much? We’re a little worried we’re talking about the gays too much, but there’s just so much gayness happening right now, you know? So many other states rammed gay marriage down our throats since Utah did last year that we’d kind of forgotten all about how adorable they were being all newly out and proud. On Sunday, Salt Lake City had an extra-biggish Pride parade to celebrate,...

Super Skeevy Doctor Will Give You Drugs, Fap Over Your Pix, And Sext During Your Surgery

  department of ewwww
Are you one of those people who are afraid to be put under for surgery because you harbor a fear that something weird or unsafe will happen to you while you’re out? No? Howzabout you read about this Seattle anesthesiologist who spent quality time sexting mid-surgery and also too fapped to patient photos in his downtime? According to the Washington State Department of Health, anesthesiologist Arthur Zilberstein “compromised patient...

CNN Pretty Sure Bowe Bergdahl Is Just Like That Nice Terrorist Fellow From ‘Homeland’

  this is unfortunately cnn
..., is also an actual bad terrorist double triple agent sort of guy who was turned by al Qaeda, which is kind of a fucked up comparison to make. Having walked right up to that insinuating line, CNN stomps right the fuck over it. “And the other part of this is, you do wonder,” [Kohn] continued. “I think we want to responsibly withhold our judgement until we know all the facts, but it appears at this point that he wandered away, he was disillusioned...

Hershey’s Chocolate Harshing Everyone’s Buzz By Suing Over ‘Reefer’s Peanut Butter Cup’

  sweet leaf
Just yesterday we had to remind you again of the terrible legit dangers of weed candy; namely that if you eat all of the delicious candy instead of one measly square, you will probably die. We overlooked an even greater danger of weed candy, however, which is that you might apparently be so stupid as to mistake your weed candy for regular candy. Mercifully, chocolate juggernaut Hershey is aware of this potential problem and has sued a Seattle d...