Search Results for “fuck”

  help us help you help us

Thank You For Being A Friend

These ladies were never part of the GOP base.
...ou maybe HELP us fix our shit,” and they were like “word word word,” and then we were like GO FUCK YOURSELF, RIGHT IN THE EAR. And we asked you for money to get a better server and you all said “oh, I am made of money, have ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS,” or “I have no money and am unemployed and I am GIVING YOU MONEY ANYWAY,” and frankly the people who sent us $1000 or $500 are probably going to get thank you not...
  Hide yr dergs!

Oh No, Barack Obama Is Going To Do The Puppy Holocaust Now, For Allah!

DON'T BELIEVE HIM BO.
...only one group of people who hate dogs, did you know that? And he’s bringing in 100,000 of them a month. Wait, fucking crazy man with a lower profile than poor Ann Coulter say what? Obama is bringing 100,000 dogs in per month? Or 100,000 Mooslims? If he’s bringing dogs, where are they, because we want a puppy! If it’s Muslims he’s bringing, duh, he’s bringing them from the ISIS camps in Mexico, which totally exist, inside...
  Ivana Was Thinking Of Some Mexican Probably

Donald Trump Never Raped His Wife And Even If He Did It Was Classy

Now you can have an authentic Donald Trump experience in your own home
...ove a bald spot, Donald Trump confronted his then-wife, who had previously used the same plastic surgeon. “Your fucking doctor has ruined me!” Trump cried. What followed was a “violent assault,” according to Lost Tycoon. Donald held back Ivana’s arms and began to pull out fistfuls of hair from her scalp, as if to mirror the pain he felt from his own operation. He tore off her clothes and unzipped his pants. And then the rape, which Hurt says Ivan...
  Get him a hanky

Crybaby John Boehner Must Be On His Period Again

Tanned, ready, and drunk as fuck John Boehner is sooooo Mr. Sensitive Male — the Alan Alda of the House of Representatives, really — with all of his delicate feelings and all of his Merlot-flavored tears. So why is Boehner crying today? Did he break a nail? Get a tear in his stockings? Get dumped by someone he thought was really The One? Oh, no, he is crying because being interviewed for the Golf Channel — THE GOLF CHANNEL, PE...
  We like this Obama

President Obama Politely Suggests Republicans Are Bunch Of A-Holes

Just pointing out the obvious
...“Oh, they’re not that bad, surely we can agree on some stuff,” but now he’s in full-on FUCK IT mode. So in response to anti-Semitic piece of fuck Mike Huckabee unapologetically, repeatedly insisting that the president is literally just like Hitler, and “he will take the Israelis and march them to the door of the oven” — and yes, Huckabee means “Jews” when he says Israelis, because do you real...
  He'll make Mexico great again too!

Donald Trump Risks His Life To Yell At Messicans

Listen up, you Messico losers!
...he is going to build a YOOOOOOOGE fence around it, and it will be made of gold and say TRUMP and it will be so fuckin’ classy, you don’t even know. So he’s private-jetting down to the border to get a “boots on the ground” tour of the place, courtesy of the local National Border Patrol Council, to see it for himself, and decide just where to build the El Trump LLC Plaza Golf Course Hotel, after he finishes kicking Me...
  Oh lord

Pat Robertson Still Worried You’re Gonna Gay-Bang Your Dog

...y laughs and says he probably means ONE hundred miles per hour, ha … ha … ha … and holy sweet fucking Jesus, she’s thinking to herself, this job sucks.   Here are some words Robertson recently said to “Thomas,” a “viewer” who “wrote” his concerns about abortion and using fetal tissue for medical research and “How could this kind of sociopathic hypocrisy possibly be legal?̶...
  it's about ethics in gay-men journalism

Looks Like Gawker’s Got Some Job Openings, Y’all

...d dies under the Gawker Media banner. Many Gawker employees commented that they thought the post was shit, but, fuck, that was for them to decide, not their bosses. Those employees are incorrect. Let me sexplain to Gawker editor Max Read (whom I like) and executive editor for all of Gawker Media Tommy Craggs (whom I don’t know from Saddam but who edited and approved the awesome journalism in question) a few things about ethics in journamali...
  helpful hints

An Open Letter To Gawker, From Your Friend Wonkette

We're just trying to help.
...uncil or the American Family Association — and you find out about how they are sucking dick or getting assfucked on the side, GO FOR IT. Kick them the fuck out of the closet and hold them accountable for their actions, public and private. But this man had no public actions to be held accountable for. His situation with his wife and family, made a hell of a lot worse by this one website’s shitty behavior, is his own private business. W...
  he seems nice

Nice Texas Judge Willing To Homo-Marry You If He Must, As Long As You Know He Hates You

Judge DePiazza
...icenses are up and quitting to avoid gay cooties, which is fine, we will not miss them at all, see ya, goodbye, fuck off. Some are refusing to do their jobs but still want to keep their jobs anyway, which is not how America works, so now they are getting sued for being lawless thugs, HAHAHAHAHAHA fuck off also. And then there’s this guy: Judge James R. DePiazza of Denton, north of Dallas, says he’ll “witness” same-sex weddings, but with sev...
  Sweet Jesus look at this hot guy

Beached North Carolina Wingnuts Worry Only Gays Will Get Rescued From Drowning Now

Hi lifeguard. My name is Evan. You want to save my life? I'll pretend I'm drowning so it looks legit. Or I can just meet you after your shift and we can make out. Whatever you want
...sly now. Who is this mysterious wingnut in North Carolina who sees a gay rainbow flag flying and goes “OH FUCK! I better not get myself in a precarious situation out in that ocean, because I am a man and I fuck my wife and OH FUCK! I’m gonna drown!” Whoever you are, settle yourself. We don’t know what you watch on teevee, or what you read on the internet, but all you’ve heard about how the whole country is gay now, a...
  Minorities demanding special rights

Here’s Your Video Of An Ignorant Bigot Lady Clerk Denying Gays A Marriage License For Jesus

SMILE!
...her personal relationship with a bigot version of Jesus that never existed gives her a hall pass from doing her fucking job, which, among other things, is issuing marriage licenses to the couples of Rowan County, Kentucky. Yes, EVEN the gay ones. Davis thinks that if that’s the case, she’ll just stop doing marriage licenses altogether, even though that’s — again — HER FUCKING JOB. So the ACLU is suing her ass right a...
  Go In Dumb Come Out Dumb Too

Giant Pussies At LSU Fire Professor For Saying Bad, Bad Words

Really. What the actual fuck?
For your “You have got to be fucking kidding me” files, we present the story of Louisiana State University associate professor Teresa Buchanan, who was fired effective June 19 for having “sexually harassed” her students — if, that is, you buy the idea that occasionally saying “Fuck no” (and other variations on the Fuck-word) and having told a slightly off-color joke during class constitutes “sexua...
  Hoes 'n Tricks

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Activist Court Says De-Gaying Hot Naked Dudes Is ‘Fraud’ Somehow

...arriage, it’s nice to know that even long-forgotten regressives are still out there still kicking the old fuck-you-faggots ball. This week the ex-gays are back in the news, and boy are they feeling butthurt. JONAH — which officially stands for Jews Offering New Alternatives for Healing but which we’re pretty sure actually stands for Jumped-up Oily Nutsacks Angling for Hatefucks — lost a major civil case in New Jersey this...
  In which we have "feelings" and bullshit like that

A Sappy Love Letter From Your Gay Wonkette, About America Getting Gay Marriaged In The Butt

That's yr gay Wonkette's niece. She's actually a wingnut, but her parents pose her for pictures like this.
...ut how I feel about the fact that I can now, in Tennessee, marry the man I love, whoever he ends up being, LINE FUCKING STARTS HERE. #mustwantkids #mustlovedogs Before I came out, certain forms of Christianity had already convinced me that my secret was far too shameful ever to share, lest I risk eternity in a fiery hell. But then one day, at 19, I dealt with it, accepted it (thanks, Tori Amos!), and basically told everyone I had ever met. In hin...
  grifters gotta grift floor poopers gotta poop

Chuck C. Johnson Sues Gawker For Defecation Defamation, May Also Have Banged Sheep

Perhaps this should be a crown of thorns for the beleagured soul.
...a galactic-sized dump on the floor of his college dorm, plus another one claiming that he was once arrested for fucking a sheep. Johnson is upset by this, but we think you’ve gotta hear both sides! Anyway, Johnson claims Gawker and its writers defamed him when they disseminated rumors by allowing commenters to write them in the first place, then engaged with the commenters to get more information. This is a novel legal argument, one that cites no...