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Our latest War Against Iraq is over, did you hear? The NYT home page helpfully put the years of the war in the headline, like you might for an obituary of Amy Winehouse or Dick Cheney: 2003-2011. That’s a long war, even compared to wars we supposedly won, like World War II. (Not quite as [...]
Donald Trump, America’s leading advertisement for burning all rich people to death in vats of poison waste oil, has bravely decided to follow all the GOP candidates for president by dropping out of the clown-show Republican debate he was scheduled to host. This is an unmitigated tragedy for political comedy and the “post-Xmas doldrums,” but [...]
Serial-divorcing creep Newt Gingrich just can’t stop taking advantage of the women who work for him — it’s the only way a toad like Newt can get any tail! — but this is apparently a problem with the conservative Family Values crowd. What to do? Well, this time, during his third marriage and after two [...]
Times are tough for the anti-homosexual wingnut bigots of the Iowa GOP. They can’t decide which third-tier loser to endorse in their 2012 pretend election against all gay people existing … so they’ve picked both Rick “anal cum” Santorum and pathological pillhead baby rancher Michele Bachmann. Together, they are the best president America never had! [...]
Because Apple designs computing devices that aren’t as hideous and abysmal as other computing devices on the market, people who possess aesthetic values (liberals) have long loved the company and its products. But Apple is still a multinational corporation, one of the world’s biggest, and it is certainly evil in terms of its slave-labor work [...]
Pepper spray was a-spraying, knives were a-stabbing, guns were a-shooting, muggers were a-mugging, punchers were a-punching — it was a “Black Friday” celebration that truly proved if you’re not a part of the worldwide anti-corporate protests, then you’re actually a very stinky part of the problem. But the Gold Medal in Applied Assjerk Consumerism goes [...]
The Pat Robertson teevee show has been desegregated, apparently by force, and now allows a Negress interviewer to interview “her kind” (Condoleezza Rice). What are the mysterious black people up to, this Thanksgiving? The hip-hop? Smokin’ crack? Crunking? Voodoo? Hankering for the Original Constitution days when they were slaves? No, worse. They are eating bizarre [...]
It’s time for the least-informed people in America to debate the whole world, or something! Welcome, happy thanksgiving! We finally have the CNN livefeed working, and now it’s time to painstakingly document the Brutal Idiocy we are about to be subjected to, for America.
8 p.m. Eastern Time, friends! And what will the jabbering idiots be discussing tonight, besides “whatever fever-porn nightmares emerge uninvited from their gaping mouths”? Foreign Policy! Oh this will be a delight, won’t it? BE HERE, BRING WEAPONS of LOVE & BARRELS of MARIJUANA. While you wait, enjoy (?) this collection of Rick Perry’s ultimate [...]
America’s most lovable war criminal, Condoleezza Rice, likes only one thing more than hawking her new book, and that’s warmongering. So now that she’s been removed from the White House (too late), and is back to being a regular old academic-type person, with a new book, what do you suppose she’s doing with all her [...]
How did America’s heavily militarized security guards for the 1% spend the work week? Oh, just pepper-spraying sitting students in the face, macing old ladies, stomping peaceful protesters, yanking women around by their ponytails, destroying libraries and bloodying the faces of America’s citizens. You know, what they’ve dreamed of doing for decades.
