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Stephen Colbert told Congress about how awful it is to be a farmer, even for ten hours, and how it is funny that white people complain that immigrants are stealing all the “good” farmhand jobs. Read his testimony [PDF]: Joined by Congresswoman Zoe Lofgren—longtime advocate for farm workers’ rights—I traveled to upstate New York where [...]
As Weigel notes, this woman doesn’t actually say what Colorado Republican gubernatorial candidate Dan Maes did to her, or even who she is. Did Maes steal her Social Security checks and then rape her, or did he rape her and then steal her Social Security checks? It turns out that Maes asked her to help [...]
It’s September 11 Eve, everybody! Have you figured out how you’re going to honor tomorrow yet? Maybe you will listen to Lee Greenwood and meditate on where you were when 9/11 was born, in a manger (your Lauri was in Austin, eating breakfast tacos). Will you burn a votive candle? Just make sure it’s not [...]
If you had a proper Labor Day celebration, you were too drunk on Freedom to carefully plan out a weekend wardrobe, and according to the Washington Post, this makes you a disgrace. Thankfully, for Americans wishing to do their part not to “mar this country’s natural beauty,” there is someone with all the answers. Her [...]
BREAKING NEWS: That crazy guy who was maybe strapped with a bomb and took hostages in the Discovery Channel headquarters in Silver Spring was shot (UPDATE: and killed) and all the hostages are safe. Hooray! His name is James Lee, and he protested there a lot, and one time he threw thousands of dollars in [...]
Tom Vilsack has had some not-fun times lately, according to prominent body language experts, due mostly to that one time he fired Shirley Sherrod for being racist because Andrew Breitbart told him to. Like many Washington politicians looking for redemption do, Vilsack gave his side of the story in a long talk with the Politico, [...]
On the one hand, Washington is the perfect venue for this Saturday’s Glenn Beck Caveman Jamboree/Eagle Cookout: Not only are there goddamn Subways everywhere — the better to measure your salami and Ranch dressing intake in inches — but it’s a scientific fact that the homeless urinate on DC’s public transportation 90% less than they [...]
Have Washingtonians been spending their summer lunch breaks in the patriotic American fashion of sitting at their desks watching porn? Of course not; DC is far too elitists for such common time-wasters. Instead, elitist cubicle drones in our nation’s capital have been waiting hours and hours to be served lobster rolls from a truck. Is [...]
President Barry Obamez claims that he’s trying to secure our border, but our tea-bagging heroes know otherwise. Sure, he’s all “stricter workplace enforcement” this and “fine, I’ll send more National Guard troops down” that, and blah blah blah, but has come up with any really innovative border-sealing ideas? Like, say, sending someone down to the [...]
By the Comics CurmudgeonIt is hard to move Lindsey Graham to anger, but once moved, his rage is implacable, and only a constitutional amendment can satisfy him. Lindsey is mad at babies, of course — babies who have the misfortune of being pushed through a birth canal that is lousy with Foreignness, but then land [...]
Republican Florida state house candidate Marg Baker has won the Internet celebrity sweepstakes for suggesting that Florida send illegal immigrants “out to the middle of the country and put up high walls and leave them there.” You know, get ‘em off the streets, make ‘em disappear. Like the “e” in her name! Seriously, where did [...]
