Search Results for “shit/bydate”

  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: You Sheepy Sheeple Are Such Sheep!

To The Management: Please correct this image. I would never use Courier. On second thought, never mind. You'd just replace it with Comic Sans.
We have a Very Special Men And Women of Few Words edition of Dear ShitFerBrains for you today, because due to some odd alignment of the planets this week, we didn’t receive a single long, painful screed that ranged over everything from Benghazi to water fluoridation. Just a lot of staccato bursts of derp. And so the question must be asked: Is our trolls learning? Hahahaha, who are we kidding, of course not (As always, all spelling, spacin...
  Teabagger Nice Time

Even This Cuddly Teabagger Dude Might Vote For Hillary, So He Can Keep His Beloved Obamacare

Obamacare yay, gay sprinkles in mah coffee BOO.
...0; oh you get the idea.) So, James Webb is looking back and going HUH, those Republicans haven’t done jackshit for me over the last 20 years, have they? Nope, Mr. Webb, we’re pretty sure they have not. Webb ends his video by saying that, unless Republicans change (they will not), he’s probably going to have to “swing [his] vote over to Hillary.” Yeah! Webb also has ANOTHER Obamacare video, from a few weeks back, wher...
  Usually Kaili is mad about a thing but it's MY TURN BITCHEZ

Walmart Withholds Medicine From Lady Who Miscarried, Because She’s Probably A Sinner

Everyone woman should have babies except not of those times in life, we imagine (as we are a dude), that you really don’t want to deal with any bullshit, just a guess? So you go to the doctor, and he gives you a prescription for Misoprostol, which will help your body pass the tissue, instead of having to go through an invasive, unpleasant procedure to extract it. Doc calls your scrip in to the friendly neighborhood Walmart, but the pharmacist refuses to fill it, because Sincerely H...
  That's Not Enlightenment!

Oh Yay Buddhist Yoga Dudes Can Be Rapey Mens Rights Activists Too!

If you meet the Buddha in the road, bro-fist him say no.” See, rape crisis centers? PROBLEM FUCKING SOLVED ALREADY. Just get all Nancy Reagan with that shit! Feminism doesn’t mean what you think it means: “I think on some level it’s almost not feminist to say ‘Well, these young women were taken advantage of,'” says Waylon. Ladies, stop disempowering yourselves! Pick yourself up by your own yoga pants already! Make sure you report that you’re being sexually pressured/h...
  Tucker Carlson is gonna FREAK OUT

Trans People To Rampage Through White House ‘Gender Neutral’ Potty. Hide Your Kids!

Relax, Tucker. You can do this. Just think of waterfalls.
...Carlson’s predicament in further detail, we should acknowledge that Phyllis Schlafly is going to lose her shit over this too. If you’ll remember, Mother Schlafly INVENTED bathroom panic, with her decade-long opposition to the simple and harmless Equal Rights Amendment (ERA) in the 1970’s. As the New York Times explains, what was once an easy sell — “Equality of rights under the law shall not be denied or abridged by...
  businesslady jobcreating entrepreneurin'

Wonkette Buys Human Again, A Queer Gay Homosexual One For A Change

All he needs are some tasty waves and a good attorney
...Daily Kos. And she’s been awesome and does our job real good like! Then we hired Shypixel to fix all our shitty ads and broken browsers and BROKEN HEART AND BROKEN WOMB, which he did. With his penis. So that’s four, counting me, whom you should count, because even though you do not see my byline ever because I am seven months pregnant and all out of “words” and “jokes” and “thoughts about stuff and thin...
  George Stephanopoulos's questions have a well known liberal bias

Indiana Gov. Mike Pence: I Proudly Signed Some Anti-Gay Sh*t I Don’t Understand

I am a deeply stupid man, I am the biggest idiot, I am the worst governor of any of the states, and that is saying something.
...a reacharound when he signed the law: Pence’s Argument About Every Other State Having These Laws Is Bullshit Pence’s argument that these laws have been around for 20 years, and that therefore Indiana is no different, is worth addressing. Josh Marshall explains at Talking Points Memo that there are two big differences here. For one thing, these laws didn’t used to so explicitly target gay people. Secondly, anti-gay stuff that f...
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Furious At Tyrant Obama For Letting ISIS Win All Wars

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
...failed to take the city of Kobani, and they failed in large part because President Mom Jeans bombed the living shit out of them. ISIS has been driven out of Tikrit, with a few remaining defenders cut off and encircled near the Tigris River. The group’s revenue streams have been decimated, and their fighting formations are beginning to experience desertion among the rank-and-file. “Damn the factual torpedoes!” Palin screamed int...

The Snake Oil Bulletin: I See Bullsh*t in Your Future health, wealth, and salvation if only you’ll give them your money. We’ve got a full pan of bullshit to sift through if we’re going to find that gold nugget of hilarity, so let’s waste no time and get right down to it. German Anti-Vaxxer’s Mouth Writes Check His Ass Can’t Cash To start us down our Schadenfreude slip ‘n slide, we have an anti-vaxxer getting his just desserts, namely a €100,000 bill. St...
  a florida man you can drink!

Watch Us Get Nekkid In Church and Dunkin Donuts: Your Florida Roundup

Now you drink all the Florida Man you want forward, Yr Wonkette would be happy to buy him a beer. Here Is The Part Where God Makes Florida Man Do Weird Shit Item 1: Man tells police God told him to vandalize costume store Andre Yokers, 42, is now in custody. He’s believed to be behind a series of attacks against the business over the past few weeks. What was once thought to be a group of mischievous teenagers, now shown to be a grown man working alone. Perhaps more shocking is what sto...
  you got servered

Hillary Clinton Don’t Give A Sh*t

...ver seen Hillary Clinton be loose, and funny, and roll her eyes a little (in a perfect way) about this dumb bullshit she has to deal with because YOU PEOPLE are freaking CRAZY, but she’s a professional so deal with it she will? Look, here she is reminding people that the GOP Senate is just a spiderhole full of terrorists! Wasn’t that fun? It was! And here she is, Hillzsplaining why she used a private email: First, someone prepped...
  Stop dick-checking everybody in the bathroom TUCKER

Hey, Remember When Tucker Carlson Beat Up That Gay Dude In The Bathroom?

...R! And making jokes about Our Enemies is probably a bad idea, he thinks. Know what Tucker woulda done? Beat the shit out of another gay dude in the bathroom? No, but he thinks it would be great if SNL beat the shit out of the transgenders, for the way they’re always using everyone else’s potty: “The question is, should we be mocking ISIS?” […] “I’m kind of for comedy that goes as far as it can,” Carlson said. “But I always fee...
  the beast that ascendeth out of the bottomless pit

Happy Birthday, Tea Party! Now Die In A Fire

...ere, as the big day was in the middle of last week. We have just been so busy writing about all the insane horseshit you teabaggers have unleashed on our politics that we forgot to stop for a minute and appreciate the six years of joy you have brought us, with your whining and hollering and dressing up in leftover costumes from our first-grade play about the Founding Fathers. Really, do you still think knee britches are a good look for you? They...
  Tell Me Your Dreams

Even GOP Senators Are Sick Of House Wingnuts’ Bullsh*t

Wrong Kirk? Whatever.
...rity for the rest of the year, Kirk told reporters, “Hopefully we’re gonna end the attaching of bullshit to essential items of the government.” Haha, good one. We understand that a rich fantasy life is important, but let’s not get too wacky, Senator. The House is still struggling with whether to take up a clean funding bill for 2015, a three-week extension so we can continue the bullshit a while longer, or perhaps a bill j...
  Nice time though not for Republicans

Magic Ladyparts Expert Todd Akin Would Like To Try For Senator Again, Yesssssss!

Please come back and keep talking!
...t,” commonly used among Republicans of the consultant variety to remind GOP dudes not to say super stupid shit about rape because for some strange reason, lady voters don’t like that. Strange! Akin has never stopped believing he was right all along. Immediately after having his ass gift-wrapped and personally delivered to his home in that 2012 election, he started explaining why Republicans are a bunch of loser idiots for not running...
  a state without a mexican

TripAdvisor Reviews From Your Racist Uncle

...iscussion, not the purpose of pitchforks. Your editrix — me — truly, truly believes that even weird shitty people shouldn’t be hounded for their weird shitty beliefs, and that internet pile-ons are awful, illiberal, fascist and Thought Crimey. I have had many discussions on this with youngs on Twitter, who said flat out that sexist or racist speech should be actually outlawed. If you’re going to be a dick and dox these peo...
  anything less than grand theft is a felony

Stop, Collaborate and Put Your F*cking Hands Up: Your Florida Roundup

Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly we love precious preborn children and the walking uteruses that house them, in fact. So when some redneck dipshit from Brooksville — we’ve been there, so we feel perfectly comfortable describing this man, sight unseen, as a redneck dipshit — named William DeHayes took out an antique revolver and began twirling it around his finger like a cowboy in a Western — har har lookatme! — and the gun went off and killed a pregnant lady and her five-mont...
  Exploding Foamy Pig Doots II: Electric Poopaloo

Mean Enviros Won’t Let Tenn. State Rep. Throw Pig Carcasses All Over The Place, Except They Did

Have you seen the little piggies in their starched white shirts?
...ig Doots,” shall we? Except there’s no exploding, and the foaming is mostly just a froth of pure pigshit coming from Tennessee state Rep. Andy Holt, who is quite certain that no sir his hog farm did NOT get any special treatment from regulators, even though he operated for years without a permit, left hog carcasses lying around unburied, and pumped half a million gallons of hogshit into a creek near his farm. In fact, Holt regularly...
  Another oppressor oppressed

Washington Judge To Florist: ‘Relationship With Jesus’ Not Good Reason For Being A Bigot

Flowers for gays available, just not gay weddings
...tics until you’re blue in the face, but the U.S. American justice system doesn’t recognize your bullshit as in any way valid. In case that one doesn’t work (and it doesn’t), Stutzman has another really creative — some might even say artistic — defense of why she didn’t want to make gay flower arrangements. Defendants argue that the act of arranging flowers is inherently artistic and expressive and thus pr...
  sure fine whatever

Texas Gun Fanatics Only Did A Few Crimes, What’s The Big Deal?

More guns just means more freedom
...e it is! But it might be something else, too. Something having to do with philosophy, maybe? Some real Socrates shit, like. You know, meatpsychics. Also, let’s bear in mind that apart from that lady that killed her whole family, the Bundy Ranch couple who shot up Vegas, that Oklahoma guy who shot the chief of police, and many other recent cases, there’s no evidence that gun rights extremists are especially prone to violence. Here̵...
  how a bill doesn't become a law

How All Your Favorite Liberal Blogs Muffed The Yoga Pants Bill (Which Does Not Exist)

...a slow news day, that when we are aggregating something, we actually go to the source and see if it’s bullshit first before we uncritically pass it along? Maybe read the actual bill? A few liberal sites — who used to be known for good, and intellectual honesty — are now so notorious for headlines that aren’t borne out by the stories below them, that when we read them, we warn each other, “_____’s headline says...