Search Results for “shit/bydate”

  In Case You Missed it

Wonkette Week In Review: All The Stuff You Missed While You Were ‘In Your Bunk’

Really a surprising number of pics of ponies reading the paper...all from one episode, sure...
...217;s list of the ten most-shared-on-Facebook posts of the last week, we had prepared a beautiful 1500-word Dear Shitferbrains piece for you. It was almost certainly the bestest, funniest Dear Shitferbrains EVAR. Or at least the best in the last three days. And just as we were getting ready for final proofreading, we saved the piece, looked at it, and discovered that it was now a 700-word piece that cut off in the middle of one paragraph. We are...
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Stop Using Nerd Words Like ‘Wonkette’

Finally the sidekick gets to write a letter...damn marshmallow horses
We have been down to sump out the comments queue, and man, what a mess. We have quite the assortment, and let’s get right to it with this brief note from “Vfunct,” who was not impressed with our headline about the poor schlub who got fired after he told the story of the Great Palin Bumfight of 2014. That wasn’t really all that hard to follow, we thought: “Palins Scalp Witness To Their Epic Snowbilly Battle As First...
  Your morning cup of wut?

Ted Cruz Will Defend Your TV-Watching Rights And Other News You Can Maybe Use

He went to law school so he knows law stuff
...all “medically necessary” services. Hey, we know this Rebecca lady! Not that this is relevant, but she’s hot as shit and funny as hell. And she wouldn’t mind my calling her hot as shit in a list that has nothing to do with physical appearance. She runs shit, and she once bought my grandmother two glasses of wine and a hamburger while charming the pants off of her. “That Rebecca is such a wonderful character,” my grandmother says ...
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Scott Brown’s In A Canoe, ISIS Is Relocating To New Mexico, And More

Derpy's oppo research mostly involves cataloging muffins at campaign brunches
It’s another Derp Roundup, our occasional collection of all the crud that’s been piling up on our browsers but wasn’t quite worth a full post. Apply booze or bleach as needed, but be careful where. First up, a tale of dogged opposition research: Scott Brown took a little time off from campaigning for senator in his home state of New Hampshire so that he could go canoeing on the Contoocook River. And paddling along not far...
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Labor Day Loonies Edition

I am outraged by the poor quality of the .gifs on this blog!
Happy Labor Day, workers of the world! While you and your grillables marinate in anticipation of the big holiday Bar-B-Q/bonfire, we bring you these offerings from the comments queue. Just be careful not to leave them out too long — like mayonnaise, they go bad in the sun. First up, since it mentions jerbs, we have this reply to our piece on North Carolina senatorial candidate Thom Tillis, who will defeat Kay Hagan by writing numbers on a...
  everybody freak out!

Fox News Demands Putin Replace Pansy Dictator Obama, But Just For A Sexy Hot Minute

Good Lord, the adult diaper budget for the on-air personalities at Fox News must dwarf the GDP of your average mid-sized nation. Maybe Fox is even a front group for Depends the way the NRA is a front for gun manufacturers. Or maybe we just need a rational explanation for this insane clip of Greg Gutfeld and Kimberly Guilfoyle shrieking in terror over a supposed plague of Muslim terrorists with Western passports like ether-addled monkeys in a p...
  An Hour After The Apology You're Offended Again

Philadelphia Newspaper Sorry About That Racist Photo Caption ‘Proofreading Error’

Don't You People have a sense of humor?
A Philadelphia newspaper is eating General Tso’s Crow after it let some idiot’s racist photo caption joke go to press. Free weekly paper The Philadelphia Public Record ran the above photo with what would otherwise have been a seriously nothing story about a fundraiser for City Councilman Mark Squilla, hosted by an Asian-American group. The caption was obviously tossed into the paper by someone who didn’t notice it included some...
  Your morning cup of wut?

Sore Loser Mitt Romney Is Still Sore Loser, Lesbian Feminists Will Destroy Us All, And Other News You Can Maybe Use

Still not president
...n, a ‘Redskins Historian,’ the former Super Bowl winning coach called the criticism of the Redskins’ name “horse shit.” “What’s all the stink over the Redskin name? It’s so much horse shit it’s incredible.” “We’re going to let the liberals of the world run this world. It was said out of reverence, out of pride to the American Indian. Even though it was called a Redskin, what are you going to call them, a Brownskin?” Thanks for those really deep t...
  a site can dream can't it?

LifeNews Fap Fantasy Time: Let’s Just Say Robin Williams Killed Himself Over Abortion

...S DRINKING YOU ASSHOLES. We’re kinda surprised this got yanked down, actually. This is the site that makes shit up out of whole cloth about how abortion and breast cancer are related, so we didn’t really think they had much in the way of scruples in the lying their pants off department. Making shit up that harms potentially all women by telling them they will get CANCER if they have an abortion? Totes cool. Making shit up ...
  nice time!

Nice Time! Doctor Who Contracted Ebola Subtweets Ann Coulter In Nicest Most Actually Christian Way Possible

And the Lord said,
Remember yesterday when Ann Coulter was terrible? Ha ha, of course you have forgotten because she is terrible every day so the specific occasions all blend together. But we’re talking about yesterday’s insanely insulting column when she took a metaphorical axe to Dr. Kent Brantly, the American physician who was evacuated from Liberia to Atlanta after he contracted Ebola while working to help stem the current outbreak of the disease in Western A...
  nice time!

Nice Time! Kentucky State University President Decides To Raise Minimum Wage His Own Damn Self

Yep, time for that warm fuzzy feeling.
Time for a reprieve from the bullshit and terribleness out there (looking at you, “Dr.” Ben Carson). We bring you to Kentucky, in praise of Raymond Burse, the interim President of Kentucky State University. Why should he get praise, and not the sharp end of our forked tongue? Because he is a giant among men and women, for he has managed to warm that cold spot in our chest where our heart should be. Burse was concerned that some employees of Ken...
  Weep Weep For Your Fallen Heroes

Victoria Jackson, Stacy Campfield Fare Worse In Tennessee Elections Than Confederate Army At Vicksburg

On a day like today, only a crying eagle and an American flag will do.
...universe. His career reached its apotheosis this past December when he received the coveted Wonkette Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year Award for his excellence in being a total shitmuffin. Is this prestigious honor what finally pushed the voters to boot him out of office? On one hand, it is impossible to say for sure. On the other hand, yes. Campfield, in a fashion befitting the greatest of shitmuffins, published this on his ...
  HELLLLLLO CLEVELAND!

Greatest Rocker In Universe Ted Nugent Wings On His Jet To Headline The Toledo Rib Jam

Now that Ted Nugent has taught Native Americans how to be Native American like him, Ted Nugent, he is done with those stinkyass unclean dipshit Indians whining about how the White Man “stole their land,” and doesn’t even think about them anymore. He’s got no time for their negative loser bullshit, “WAAAH, YOU GENOCIDED US,” buck the fuck up, Whatever The Casually Racist Term for “Native American Friend&...
  #SorryYesSorry

A Rousing Defense Of Rand Paul By Wonkette Against Scurrilous Charges That Were Made By Us, Wonkette

We here at Yr Wonkette, the world’s greatest and most beloved mommyblog recipe hub, strive to be like Mary Poppins: practically perfect in every way, but with dick jokes. However, it has been drawn to our attention, by us, that we made a huge mistake by hurling scurrilous charges against Rand Paul on Tuesday. We, along with the rest of the entire interweb universe, accused him of running away like a coward when confronted by your new hero...
  clip and save!

Here Is Your Helpful Post About Gay Marriage And Federalism, Just Like You Always Wanted

You know that we are very public service minded here at Wonkette, which is why we’re bringing you this handy-dandy column that you can cut out and put in your wallet for the next 1001th time that some idjit tries to explain to you that they don’t really hate the gays, but they just don’t see a need for gay marriage because you can totally just make a contract for all the rights marriage confers upon you. Next time that happens...
  Shocked and Awed

BENGHAZI Update: House Republican Committee Calls All Other Republicans Liars

Here we go again. Another House committee, controlled by Republicans, has issued yet another wackadoodle report about BENGHAZI. Are we going to finally find out that President Obama was taking body shots off of Hillary at the time of the attack, laughing about telling everyone to “stand down”? What kind of conspiracy-tinged bullshit will be served up this time? The House Intelligence Committee, led by Republicans, has concluded that...
  #MadAboutAThing

Republicans To Obama: Stop Impeaching Yourself! Stop Impeaching Yourself!

Don’t you just hate how Democrats can not stop blah blahing 27 hours a day about impeaching President Obama for Stuff and Reasons and Things? It is like, Republicans are trying to do the Lord’s work, investigating IRSfauxghazigate and repealing Obamacare for the fifty-teenth time and taking pictures inside giant vaginas (okay, that’s just the Romney family, but they do make up approximately 30 percent of the GOP). Except the s...
  Speaking of Boobs

Michele Bachmann Said One Stupid Thing, Didn’t Say Other Stupid Thing

All New big-format corndog for maximum Bachmann crazy
...rmer story was widely reported because it’s yet another example of Michele Bachmann saying unhinged freaky shit, and the latter story was also widely reported because, although it was originally from the lame fake-news site that wasn’t even The Onion, it sounded enough like another example of Michele Bachmann saying unhinged freaky shit. And there goes another cherished cliché: You actually CAN make this shit up. So, first ...
 

Spoiler Alert: We are Your Wonkette

Wikipedia, which is never wrong, states: Wonkette is a left-leaning American online magazine of topical satire and political gossip, established in 2004 by Gawker Media and founding editor Ana Marie Cox, and owned and edited by Rebecca Schoenkopf since 2012.[2] Prominent U.S. political bloggers including Juli Weiner, Jim Newell and Alex Pareene established their careers at Wonkette. The current editor is Rebecca Schoenkopf, formerly of OC Weekly...
  I Am Mad About A Thing

Meet The Ladies Men’s Rights Auxiliary!

Don’t you just hate feminism? Of course you do. Feminism is so old-timey and unnecessary and also very mean to men because when women say stuff — like “That sportsball star raped the shit out of me” or “Hey, Mr. Boss Man Sir, why are you paying me less than my male colleagues, HUH?” — it really hurts their feelings. Like, really a lot. Sure, maybe we might have sort of needed feminism, like, a thousand y...
  I Am Mad About A Thing

Wingnut Nurse Sues Family Planning Center For Not Giving Her Job Just Because She Says She Won’t Do Job

Let’s play a game. It is sort of a choose-your-own-adventure make-believe game. Costumes optional. You are about to graduate from Thing-Doing School and apply for a job as a professional Thing-Doer, as one does after attending Thing-Doing School. You inform your potential employer that you are interested in the Thing-Doing job but will be unable to perform Thing-Doing duties because of your religious beliefs. Your potential employer tells...
  I Am Mad About A Thing

Ted Cruz Has A ‘Basic Suggestion’ For Democrats, And I Have One For Him

Sen. Ted Cruz of Texas is not a smart man. Oh, I know, I know. There’s a conservative fairy tale that Cruz is REALLY smart (Democrats, beware!) because he went to Princeton and Harvard Law School and was super good at debating, and Harvard Professor Alan Dershowitz called him “off-the-charts brilliant.” But given his complete misunderstanding of the First Amendment — no, it does not protect your constitutional right to b...