Search Results for “shit/bydate”

  Natural snake chocolate "They" don't want you to know about

The Snake Oil Bulletin: This Week Full Of Actual Snakes!

...time once again for the Snake Oil Bulletin, your weekly dose of magical cure-all tonic to detox all the normal shit right out of your system. We have a bulletin bursting with bullshit this week, so let’s dive right into our first story about con artist and human snake Kevin Trudeau. Jailbird con artist about to lose all his monies, so sad :( Have you ever had insomnia and/or been unemployed, dear reader? If so then chances are you’ve...
  help us help you help us

Thank You For Being A Friend

These ladies were never part of the GOP base.
...we were having an XMLGBQT attack, but instead of saying “oh hey you are under attack let’s fix your shit,” our server was like “what do you mean your site is broken, maybe you should fix your shit.” And we were like “hey can you maybe HELP us fix our shit,” and they were like “word word word,” and then we were like GO FUCK YOURSELF, RIGHT IN THE EAR. And we asked you for money to get a better...
  But What About Marching Babies To The Oven Door?

Ben Carson Says Racist Obama Genociding All The Blacks

No real reason for including Raptor Jesus here. We just like Raptor Jesus better than Ben Carson.
...id. “That was the whole purpose of it.” Oh, great, this again. Shall we just link to the debunkings of that bullshit done by both the Washington Post and by FactCheck.Org when Herman Cain told the exact same lie — even though it’s not a lie if you really believe it — back in 2011? It’s a claim that’s been made so much by the anti-choice crowd that it’s achieved the status of Indisputable Truth, even though it&#...
  He seemed nice

Lafayette Shooter Was Teabaggin’, Gay-Hatin’, Hitler-Lovin’ Fool, THANKS OBAMA!

Just another member of the Lone Wolf Freedom Shooty Brigade Of Lone Wolves
...eople” could fix all this, like Hitler did, guess he didn’t like them Jews so much: Want more crazy shit? Houser posted an article on his mostly inactive Facebook account about how ladies need to shut their lady mouths in the church, commenting, “The bible doesn’t ask me to like what it says, only to obey it.” What a freethinker he was! He also believed that welfare recipients should be sterilized and that David Duke...
  Guns Don't Kill; RomComs Kill.

Another Guy Shoots Up A Movie Theater. America!

remember, it's all about freedom
...and also co-owned a line of clothing with her brother and another partner. Get ready for more of the usual bullshit about how if only there had been more people armed in the theater, they could have stopped the shooter before he did more damage, which is of course bullshit — in the middle of panic and confusion, more guns aren’t likely to help, except in gun fondlers’ fantasies. But also let’s take a moment to think good...
  The kids on Twitter call this "doxxing"

Donald Trump Scrawls Lindsey ‘Good Time’ Graham’s Cell Phone Number On Bathroom Wall

CALL ME MAYBE
...E TRANSCRIBING THINGS, and Trump is a rambling pain in our ass, but we are going to do it for you, because this shit? Epic: Probably, seems to me not as bright, honestly, as Rick Perry. I think Rick Perry is probably smarter than Lindsey Graham, but what do I know? Actually I said about Rick Perry that, he said I shouldn’t be debating, because my spirit is wrong for America. All I want to do is make us rich, save your Social Security, stop...
  When will the gay terrors cease?

Dead Breitbart Real Upset How Gay Rainbow Flag Murdered Those Marines In Chattanooga

The threat is real.
...merica the right gay throatcramming she deserved, wingnuts have been observed in various states of utter, pants-shitting meltdown. And much of it, against the backdrop of the death of the Confederate flag, has centered on the gay rainbow, and how it is lynching the good American Christians, and how the White House did a 9/11 to the world when it was lit up in rainbow colors. Truly we are living in tragic days. One of the wingnuts who issued a gia...
  it's about ethics in gay-men journalism

Looks Like Gawker’s Got Some Job Openings, Y’all

...iefs, but you do what you can. Now all the top editors are quitting their jobs at Gawker, and also losing their shit! It’s about editorial independence! And the right to out closeted married guys! After they outed the dude, and the board of directors removed the post, Gawker editors and writers pissed the Internet off even more by posting how U MAD they were about having the post removed. They were the real victims. Even as Gawker Media fac...
  Suuuuuuuure

Why Is Planned Parenthood Selling Your Babby For Scrap? (Oh Right, It’s Not)

Here is some bullshit. You may have heard about or even watched the horrific and shocking five-alarm Drudge siren alert video released Tuesday, proving, according to its title, that “Planned Parenthood Uses Partial-Birth Abortions to Sell Baby Parts.” The video was released by the Center for Medical Progress. Never heard of it? That’s because it didn’t really exist before Tuesday. According to its website, CMP is a non-p...
  Trick question they both lose

Who Would Win In A Cage Fight Between Donald Trump And El Chapo?

Oooooooops, accidentally picked on somebody bigger than him.
...ts or murderers. But, because Trump is so presidential, he decided he ought to get on Twitter and start talking shit about El Chapo, yeah, this is a good idea:   LOL no he wouldn’t! And also, why would a United States president be “negotiating” with El Chapo in the first place? Sweet Jesus, Donald Trump is all ego and talk, but one gets the sense that, when push comes to shove, he’d probably lose a war of wits with a...
  Letter from Memphis

Let’s Dig Up The Rotting Bones Of Confederate Traitor (And KKK Founder) Nathan Bedford Forrest!

I am an evil fuck and this is my statue.
...ral Nathan Bedford Forrest, by most accounts except the white supremacist ones, was quite the murderous, racist shithead. He was a wealthy slave trader, and he presided over one of the bloodiest massacres of the Civil War at Fort Pillow, where hundreds of black and white Union soldiers, and also black civilians, were murdered in cold blood after they had surrendered. The historian Richard Fuchs wrote that “The affair at Fort Pillow was simp...
  oh come on even south carolina figured this out

Dumb Florida Rednecks Don’t Give A Sh*t, Gonna Hoist Them Stars And Bars

Save yo Confederate money, boys, the South gon’ rise ’gain.
...er that unfortunate incident in South Carolina last month — you know, when that racist, Confederate-flag-waving shit-for-brains kid shot up a black church for being so very black and stealing the women he couldn’t get and whatever — and the world was like, hey, maybe having a century-old symbol of sedition and treason and slavery flying proudly above our state capitol maybe sends the wrong message? Sure you do. Even South Carolina, which, along w...
  You know who doesn't love a parade? Hitlery!

Media That Writes About Hillary Clinton’s Shoes Demands She Show Them More Respect

Must be campaign season!
...state in the Union, at least until next February when we can go back to just thinking of it as that really cold shithole that isn’t Vermont. Hence the conniption. Clinton was in Gorham, walking along and pausing to chat with the civilians who lined the route. The media was there to take it all in and give us their important observations, like what kind of shoes this weird Non-Penised American chose for her stroll. (Navy Salvatore Ferragamo patent...
  Sloppy 50ths

Bobby Jindal Will Protect Straight Marriage The Bestest, He Can Be President Now? (Updated)

Bless his dumbass heart. Or fuck him in the ear. Whatever.
Gov. Bobby Jindal, you petulant little shit. You see, the Supreme Court spoke last week on the subject of marriage equality, and pretty much all the other states are in compliance, or on their way to getting around to doing that. Oh, there are some whiny-ass court clerks and probate judges with martyr complexes, stomping up and down about how they’re going to have to resign their jobs, due to EW GAY, because their dumb fucked-up version o...
  Peas

Things That Do Not Go In Guacamole

Not in guac you don't.
...e and saying “it’s just not GREEN ENOUGH, won’t somebody think of the GREEN?” Shut that shit down, Mr. President: And we said “bipartisan,” so shut that shit down, Jeb Bush: And Jeb Bush knows how to make guacamole, because he is an Hispanic voter. More bipartisan condemnation comes from the Texas GOP: WAR ON TEXAS. And this time, at least it’s a legitimate war, and not all that Jade Helm bullcrap they...
  We are servicey

How SCOTUS Decided To Turn America Gay: A Wonksplainer

Mission accomplished!
...rgument that marriage rights have never applied to gays and lesbians before, so they can’t now? Yeah, bullshit: If rights were defined by who exercised them in the past, then received practices could serve as their own continued justification and new groups could not invoke rights once denied. This Court has rejected that approach, both with respect to the right to marry and the rights of gays and lesbians. And as for the so-called traditio...