Search Results for “shit/bydate”

  profiles in all that is wrong with politics

Why John Boehner Is A Drunken Numbnuts Coward: A Wonksplainer

thought i gave a shit, didn't ya?!
...esign reeks not of courage, but of the lowest, basest, cowardly lack of balls since Sir Robin ran away. The bullshit headlines of him ‘sacrificing’ his job in order to get a budget deal have the foul stench of weak-kneed pseudo-journalism seeking to put lipstick on rat-faced dick-weasel. John Boehner played the media, and his cowardice could result in the GOP fucking up our country beyond recognition. Rather than leave with his head held high, Jo...
  Get it? The headline is a joke that means this is a racism story!

Alabama Finds New Clever Way To Show The Blacks How Much They Care

Totally not racist.
...oto IDs are a requirement for voting. In fact, the Alabama Law Enforcement Agency announced that, thanks to the shitty budget passed by the shitty legislature and signed by the shitty governor, it’s  closing THIRTY-ONE driver’s license offices across the state. But don’t say they’re doing it for racist reasons, it’s just how the state is broke. And that’s true! Alabama’s one of those mooch states that suc...
  Fuck The Poors. Literally.

Baltimore Public Housing Maintenance Dudes Getting So Much Head, Bro

...e the financial hit and find a better place.” Their choices here, it seems, are A) live in a rat-infested shithole, or B) live in a rat-infested shithole that has the potential to be slightly less shitty, in exchange for getting up close and personal with greasy old maintenance man taint. And what the fuck is wrong with these guys, if they are in fact guilty of these crimes? Do they sit at home watching really bad porn about UPS drivers sho...
  Player Piano Men

Target’s Union-Busting Robots, And Other Updates On Our New Robot Overlords

let them eat cake. seriously just distract them with some cake. there except eye contact. Hero Or Villain? Woman Makes Dumb Apple Robot To Stand In Line And Buy More Apple Shit Sure, our anointed Corporate Persons populate our planet with fake robot persons, but maybe the rest of us should look in the mirror. Us. The slovenly, fleshy consumer people feeding at the troughs of cheap tube socks and expensive endangered fish. We like robots too. Especially when they can help us accumulate more shit while we s...
  Guess Muslims tell time differently from how they do it in Alaska

Sarah Palin Can See Clocks From Her House, And Ahmed’s Thing Is NOT A Clock

Not like any clock she's ever seen.
...;re talking about”? FUCK NAW, Mama Grizzly is the patron fucking saint of words-ing on the internet about shit she knows nothing about, so she decided to yet again augment the derp on her Facebook wall, with the headline “I Guess Muhammad’s Pencil Box is Cooler Than the Palin Kids'”: Whereas Ahmed Muhammad [sic], an evidently obstinate-answering student bringing in a homemade “clock” that obviously could be see...
  There IS such a thing as a stupid question

Donald Trump Defends Rights Of Trump Fans To Be Total Idiots

That lady at the top right may need to take a loyalty oath
...eflect the criticism with blame, focus only on Obama while leaving the birther question open, and allow the bullshit about jihadi training camps right here in America to go “unchallenged.” (Do we need to add that it’s bullshit? It is definitely bullshit). Trump stayed on message Sunday when he appeared on ABC’s This Week, refusing to give a simple yes or no answer to George Stephanopoulos’s question, “So for th...
  Gonna slatepitch you again with the TRUTH

No, Donald Trump Did Not Tell That Dumbass He’s Going To Kill All The Muslims

WHO ME? daughter Ivanka is? Et cetera. Hell, his anti-Mexican rhetoric inspired a couple of Boston thugs to beat the shit out of a homeless Hispanic man. Trump’s followers are the stupidest, most racist people in America, and he’s encouraging them, whether he’s saying horrible things or sort of blowing off their questions without correcting them. And a lot of people are saying “AT LEAST JOHN MCCAIN!” Because remember that...
  Mississippi is a swear-free zone

Mississippi Cops: We Totally Arrested That Black Doctor For Being Uppity, Ayup!

Dr. Marcia Bowden and her husband, Ira Marche. (pic via The New Tri-State Defender)
...urt you.” WHEREAS, Logazino’s account claims Marche said, “Just calm down, this is a bunch of shit from some redneck Mississippi cops.” Uppity cusses! Of course, we already knew from the original story that Marche had cussed once or twice during the altercation. While Marche was looking for his driver’s license in the glovebox, Bowden said the cops told her to stay in the car, at which point she explained that she wa...
  The Moral Arc Of The Universe Bends Toward #*@!!

Hooray, You Can Write Cusses On Your Traffic Tickets, America F*ck Yeah!

Now fit for official correspondence
...ce In a victory for the aggrieved and ill-tempered among us, a Connecticut man has prevailed against the prissy shitheads in a New York town who jailed him and charged him under an unconstitutional law because he wrote BAD WORDS on a citation for speeding. And he wasn’t even dangling a pair of Truck Nutz from his vehicle. So it’s another win for free speech, to which we can only add, America, Fuck Yeah! The ACLU announced Tuesday that...

Mike Huckabee Is An Evil, Soulless Sack Of Fermented Rat Jizz, Syrian Refugee Edition

What we feel like when we click on a Huckabee story. We would have used a picture of a Syrian child, but Wonk readers already have compassion and it's not like that would change Huckabee's heart.
...ough: I don’t meant to be trite. I’m just saying: We don’t know. Then go find out, you putrid shitstain, and stop saying words in America until you have your answer. But no, Huckabee has a better idea. He says why don’t we just send them all to Saudi Arabia instead and use our “charitable organizations” to help build schools for them? In other words, he’d really like us to please keep the browns over in B...
  Let's Roll...With These Low Low Prices!

‘Muslim Free’ Gun Shop Owner Saves Florida From Jihad With Classy 9/11 Sale

He seems nice
...ages of ISIS and the crazed Muslims who want to take away our freedom and our Confederate flags ‘n’ shit. Also, too, Hallinan is very clear that he’s no hater: He just thinks that Sharia law is evil, and he says that he’ll happily let Muslims use his gun range as long as they denounce Sharia. Besides, he also turned away a couple of white guys who “looked like gangsters,” so he doesn’t discriminate. He ev...
  let's gossip about the week's top stories

Let’s Hate Mike Huckabee Some More! Your Weekly Top Ten.

That is a very demanding face! Better do what she says. where her kids don’t attend. Remember her? Of course you do! Bonus: Dok lovingly reviewed that batshit lady’s batshit children’s book, for your enjoyment. 3. Mike Huckabee, AGAIN. This time it was his fucking ridiculous wish to go to jail in Kim Davis’s place, as if that’s an option. We WISH he would go to jail or go to hell, or just get out of our face in some way, but it doesn’t work that way. 4. Pat...
  shut up already!

Hey Dumbass! Prosecution Is Not Persecution: A Wonksplainer

Bloody peasant! of old religious scribbling over actual legal orders by real-life judges. Persecution is when people do bad shit to you because of who you are or what you believe. Again, we’ll use it in a sentence: Matthew Shepard was persecuted for being gay when he was beaten and left to die by homophobic psychopaths. Despite the fact that 71% of Americans identify as Christians, and the fact that 92% (!!!!!!!) of Congress is Christian (sort of), there is...
  They made fun of Ronald Reagan's Hair Too

Donald Trump Is Your New Ronald Reagan, But Dumber And Less Classy

OK, but what if the fucker actually won?
...han any other piece we’ve read about the Ferret-Haired Boy, it makes us begin to wonder if this bombastic shithead might actually get himself elected. Man, are we ever going to be relieved when we turn out to be dead wrong to have worried at all. But what if the bastard pulls it off? There’s plenty in the profile that makes it clear Donald Trump is no intellectual. Solotaroff shows us Trump’s fractured mental processes in a hila...
  no justice no pizza

Papa John’s Is Still A Douche, And Other News From Corporate America

please like my business practices
Labor Day. A time for parades, cooking meat over fire, and passive-aggressive swipes at workers by shitbird Republicans. It’s also an excellent time to check on how our favorite corporate persons are treating their pesky working stiffs. Paid Parental Leave is slightly more available, still not really available Good news, Dronebots! Companies like Microsoft and Netflix are expanding parental leave benefits for some of their (mostly white c...
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments: In Which A Rat’s Ass Is Given About Bristol Palin

Yer Retro Classic ShitFerBrains Logo
Yer Retro Classic ShitFerBrains Logo Hey, remember when “guy in a hardhat” was an archetype of rightwing dumbassery? Now that America doesn’t make anything anymore (and we don’t win anymore, as Donald Trump points out), our stereotypical Dear ShitFerBrains guy should probably be a neckbearded electrical engineer with a copy of Atlas Shrugged, but no matter. Demographics may change, but Stupid will always be with us, as w...