Search Results for “shit/bydate”

Cartoon Violence: It’s In One Hole or Out the Other

 
...This week, after the jump, we have six cartoons based around those most fundamental human functions: fucking and shitting. Read on, if you dare. Fucking or shitting? Fucking. Who’s fucking whom? Uncle Sam is fucking Lady Liberty. Not, you know, right here on the sidewalk, but the cute little domestic scene, complete with baby and adorable wiener dog, clearly indicates occasional bouts of marital relations. Unsettling aspects: Now, Uncle...

Cartoon Violence Can’t Get Enough Of Your Insane Crazy Shit

 
Sad about missing the ice cream and the dadrock and the picnic and the seersucker yesterday? Well, cheer up — you could be the Comics Curmudgeon, whom we force each and every week to look through the detritus of Today’s Cartoons for the unfunniest of the unfunny. And then we make him spin it into gold, while we count our money and trawl Facebook for more pictures of those strapping young Frist boys. This week, it’s all crazy,...

Wonkette Appoints Angry Commenter General in Paultard War

 
...e promising supporters how fucking great it’ll be when they’re elected. They don’t just make shit up, pander to conspiracy theorists and somehow pull a few million dollars out of stoner zombies and gun-nut paranoids on a goddamned pseudo-holiday from another fucking country. Paultards are really good at making shit up, arranging money bombs, printing horrible ads, shooting videos that make YouTube kids come off like Coppola, e...

Tom Vilsack Fires Shirley Sherrod As the Summer of Firings Over Nothing Continues

  profiles in banal unnecessary cowardice
...s a “perception.” Second, if there is zero tolerance for discrimination at USDA, you need to resign, shit-head, as you have discriminated against Shirley Sherrod for having character and being forthright and for being the unfair target of a shit-leech, something she did not choose. The prize for most disappointing and spineless has to go to the Obama administration, however. Not only did they try to distance themselves from the Vilsac...

Republicans To Obama: Stop Impeaching Yourself! Stop Impeaching Yourself!

  #MadAboutAThing
Don’t you just hate how Democrats can not stop blah blahing 27 hours a day about impeaching President Obama for Stuff and Reasons and Things? It is like, Republicans are trying to do the Lord’s work, investigating IRSfauxghazigate and repealing Obamacare for the fifty-teenth time and taking pictures inside giant vaginas (okay, that’s just the Romney family, but they do make up approximately 30 percent of the GOP). Except the...

Oh, Shit, We Forgot To Turn on the Bush Speech Until the Q&A Started, and Now We’re Confused

 
...tomorrow. (We’re looking at you, Mark “President’s Legislative Agenda” Halperin). * Oh, shit, we think the orchestra ran out of Sousa and accidentally launched into the Death Star theme. Wait, now it appears to be the theme to “Branded.” * No, shit, it’s a “This Land is Your Land”/”God Bless America” mash-up! Irony is thown out the window and shot repeatedly on the way down! Bush:...

Latest Factory Farm Byproduct: Exploding Foamy Pigdoots

  up from the ground came a bubblin' ooze
...His investigation found that it’s still a problem — about a quarter of hog farms report experiencing shitfoam — and that U of Minnesota agriculture professor Larry Jacobson thinks the problem may be exacerbated by “the practice of feeding hogs distillers grains, the mush leftover from the corn ethanol process.” Yay, one more spinoff of ethanol subsidies! Happily, at least a possible solution to the shitstorm seems t...

God Rains Shit Upon George W. Bush

 
As our president stood outside to again tell the press why he can’t quit Alberto Gonzales, shit fell from the sky right on his suit. Reached in outer space Thursday afternoon, God said he made a little bird shit on Dubya “to show My disgust with this administration.” After being shit upon, “Bush tried several times to wipe [it] off. ” But he failed. Bush In Line of Fire [ABC Blotter]...

Rumors On The Internets: You Cry Babies Have No Clue and Shit for Memories

 
Sen. James Inhofe (R-Okla.) has learned nothing from HBO’s Big Love. [Political Animal] Lieutentant Ehren Watada refuses to go to Iraq when Stryker Brigade is deployed. Wizbang readers want him shot: “They had a better way of dealing with this sort of thing during WWII. It was called a ‘firing squad’” and then turn on each other: “You cry babies have no clue and shit for memories.” [Wizbang] House Appro...

Foley Shit: Brian Ross Finally Removes Prop Phone From Ear, Breaks Actual News

 
...uggests. We learn that Mr. Ross, Investigative Reporter, uses more or less the same technique as Wonkette: throw shit up, hope it attracts better shit. Ross claims that he (or some intern) posted the less-shocking emails, and then was promptly sent the filthy, filthy IM transcripts. And we believe him (except for the part where people actually read The Blotter). So — no Democratic Dirty Trickster hands there. What we still don’t know...

Breaking: Justice Stevens “Can’t Put Up With This Shit Anymore”!

 
Rumor has it that Justice John Paul Stevens, the senior member of the Supreme Court’s liberal wing, may call it quits when the current court term ends in June. Sources say he’s fed up with being in a powerless liberal minority — and recently expressed that frustration in some pretty colorful language for a Supreme Court justice: “I can’t put up with this shit anymore!” Justice Stevens: Mad as hell, and not go...

Tech Zillionaire Who Beat The Shit Out Of His Girlfriend Very Angry At Mean Media For Pointing It Out

  race to the bottom
...nd not heard. This is the first time we have actually had to write about one being a girlfriend-beating piece of shit, though. Meet Gurbaksh “G” Chahal, CEO of something called RadiumOne, which describes itself as “leaders in programmatic everything.” Chahal and his nonsense company are worth a nonsense amount of money. Did you notice we did not say Chahal was ALLEGEDLY a girlfriend-beating piece of shit? That is because he already pl...

The Lost Washingtonienne (WONKETTE EXCLUSIVE, ETC., ETC.)

 
...ld me that he likes submissive women. Good, now I can take it easy in bed. Just lay back and watch him do freaky shit. We went to Tune Inn and ate some shit there because it was the only place open at 1am. He walked me home and kissed me at my door. I was like, “Aww, this is so adorable!” He called me “jaded” and told me to call him tomorrow (i.e. today). Jaded? Moi? posted by The Washingtonienne at 9:19 AM ——&...

Washington ‘Post’ Gives a Shit, Withholds Asshole

 
The Post reports: “What they need to do is get Syria to get Hezbollah to stop doing this shit, and it’s over,” an irritated Bush said with his mouth full as he buttered a piece of bread. Nine short paragraphs later: Bush has been on the wrong end of this before as well. During a campaign event in 2000, Bush forgot his mike as he pointed out a reporter in the crowd to Dick Cheney and called the journalist a “major-league...

Shittiest. Explanation. Ever.

 
...for excrement, or “shit.” Said one Republican close to the campaign: “In other words, he was a shit-head, an annoyance.” Allen, according to Republicans, heard members of his traveling entourage and Virginia Republicans use the phrase and picked it up. Well, that’s underwhelming. Calling Sidarth a shithead is a lot less funny than calling him some made-up nonsense word that just happens to mean ...

Tancredo Ad Writers Are Shitty Human Beings

 
This is Brenda Paz. She was 17 years old when MS-13 brutally murdered her in Virginia for agreeing to testify against the gang in a federal capital murder case. You probably don’t recognize her, which is fine, unless you watched really closely at about second 16 in that repulsive Tancredo ad when they showed this exact picture of her (courtesy of the Shenandoah Police Department) while the scary-voiced narrator says “pushing drugs,...

Seriously, We’d Take Malcolm Gladwell Over More Of This Shit

 
BREAKING: WE ARE GETTING TIRED OF THIS ECONOMICS FETISH wonkette: I AM AN ECONOMIST WHOA I AM AGAINST CONVENTIONAL WISDOM operative: RADICAL! wonkette: WHOA A CONTRARY POSITION PROVEN WITH ECONOMICS wonkette: NEXT WEEK: PUPPIES ARE NOT CUTE SEZ ECONOMIST operative: THE POWER OF REASON TRIUMPHS ONCE AGAIN! operative: WHERE’S MY NOBEL SHIT I NEED A DRINK wonkette: I HAVE USED ECONOMICS TO PROVE THAT DRINKING MAKES YOU SMARTER SO ITS OK wonk...

The Chocolate Wars

 
...down to the shark tank and get to measuring whose is bigger than whose. And I don’t drink my way through a shitty underpaid job, I drink my way through shitty, overpaid jobs to compensate for my utter lack of interest or enthusiasm. What is the most immoral issue being lobbied in Washington right now? You know, I actually held onto this question for a while, waiting to be truly outraged by something (which, as I have previously mentioned, d...

Could Be Worse, You Could Be Kitty

 
...Congressional staff salary in my (let’s say) mid-twenties, living with roommates, eating Ramen, driving a shitty car and watching the credit card balance tick upwards each month, and classmates of mine from high school and college were buying houses (not around here, but still) and nice cars and eating out and I was still trying to hit shitty receptions most nights to support my burgeoning alcoholism and need for non-noodle food. I was mee...

Let’s All Laugh At The Christianist ‘Sociologists’ With An Actual Sociologist Who Is Not Dumb!

  jesus slept
A guest post from your comrade Darren Sherkat, a real live sociologist who accidentally thoroughly discredited the bullshit Regnerus “homos kill their babies” study. Hey Wonketteers, remember in “college” when you took that course in “sociology”? You know, the one taught by an androgynous hippy, and where you learned about inequality and racism and sexism, and how to become a communist homosexican? Obviously, you passed or you would...

Wonkette’s Teen Korner For Teenz: Good Intentions Edition

  just trying to help
...lunteer! Which means he is a Saint. Shut up, my logic is flawless. As with most teenz, Kid Zoom is a lazy little shit who doesn’t give a shit about anything but his shitty food and shitty video games and shitty music what is all stolen from Satan anyway, oh and his shitty little self. However, there’s this whole “college” thing that everyone seems to be so friggin’ worked up ...

A Frothy Mix Of Questions, Answers, From Dan Savage Straight To You

  wonkette book club
...me to do?” (for real) and basically just started mmmmming and ohhhhhing a lot and being sort of flirty and shit. Also, basically ACTUALLY WAVING MY ASS AROUND IN THE AIR. And then it was over. So I figure if he has not tried to fuck me, he probably just wants a good tip from the businesslady entrepreneuress? Savage: i have always been a fan of the direct question, gracefully constructed — meaning, a nice, face-saving out. forgive the...