Search Results for “shit/bydate”

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Labor Day Loonies Edition

  the commentczar's in town
I am outraged by the poor quality of the .gifs on this blog!
Happy Labor Day, workers of the world! While you and your grillables marinate in anticipation of the big holiday Bar-B-Q/bonfire, we bring you these offerings from the comments queue. Just be careful not to leave them out too long — like mayonnaise, they go bad in the sun. First up, since it mentions jerbs, we have this reply to our piece on North Carolina senatorial candidate Thom Tillis, who will defeat Kay Hagan by writing numbers on a...

Fox News Demands Putin Replace Pansy Dictator Obama, But Just For A Sexy Hot Minute

  everybody freak out!
Good Lord, the adult diaper budget for the on-air personalities at Fox News must dwarf the GDP of your average mid-sized nation. Maybe Fox is even a front group for Depends the way the NRA is a front for gun manufacturers. Or maybe we just need a rational explanation for this insane clip of Greg Gutfeld and Kimberly Guilfoyle shrieking in terror over a supposed plague of Muslim terrorists with Western passports like ether-addled monkeys in a p...

Philadelphia Newspaper Sorry About That Racist Photo Caption ‘Proofreading Error’

  An Hour After The Apology You're Offended Again
Don't You People have a sense of humor?
A Philadelphia newspaper is eating General Tso’s Crow after it let some idiot’s racist photo caption joke go to press. Free weekly paper The Philadelphia Public Record ran the above photo with what would otherwise have been a seriously nothing story about a fundraiser for City Councilman Mark Squilla, hosted by an Asian-American group. The caption was obviously tossed into the paper by someone who didn’t notice it included some...

Sore Loser Mitt Romney Is Still Sore Loser, Lesbian Feminists Will Destroy Us All, And Other News You Can Maybe Use

  Your morning cup of wut?
Still not president
...n, a ‘Redskins Historian,’ the former Super Bowl winning coach called the criticism of the Redskins’ name “horse shit.” “What’s all the stink over the Redskin name? It’s so much horse shit it’s incredible.” “We’re going to let the liberals of the world run this world. It was said out of reverence, out of pride to the American Indian. Even though it was called a Redskin, what are you going to call them, a Brownskin?” Thanks for those really deep t...

LifeNews Fap Fantasy Time: Let’s Just Say Robin Williams Killed Himself Over Abortion

  a site can dream can't it?
...S DRINKING YOU ASSHOLES. We’re kinda surprised this got yanked down, actually. This is the site that makes shit up out of whole cloth about how abortion and breast cancer are related, so we didn’t really think they had much in the way of scruples in the lying their pants off department. Making shit up that harms potentially all women by telling them they will get CANCER if they have an abortion? Totes cool. Making shit up ...

Nice Time! Doctor Who Contracted Ebola Subtweets Ann Coulter In Nicest Most Actually Christian Way Possible

  nice time!
And the Lord said,
Remember yesterday when Ann Coulter was terrible? Ha ha, of course you have forgotten because she is terrible every day so the specific occasions all blend together. But we’re talking about yesterday’s insanely insulting column when she took a metaphorical axe to Dr. Kent Brantly, the American physician who was evacuated from Liberia to Atlanta after he contracted Ebola while working to help stem the current outbreak of the disease in Western A...

Nice Time! Kentucky State University President Decides To Raise Minimum Wage His Own Damn Self

  nice time!
Yep, time for that warm fuzzy feeling.
Time for a reprieve from the bullshit and terribleness out there (looking at you, “Dr.” Ben Carson). We bring you to Kentucky, in praise of Raymond Burse, the interim President of Kentucky State University. Why should he get praise, and not the sharp end of our forked tongue? Because he is a giant among men and women, for he has managed to warm that cold spot in our chest where our heart should be. Burse was concerned that some employees of Ken...

Victoria Jackson, Stacy Campfield Fare Worse In Tennessee Elections Than Confederate Army At Vicksburg

  Weep Weep For Your Fallen Heroes
On a day like today, only a crying eagle and an American flag will do.
...universe. His career reached its apotheosis this past December when he received the coveted Wonkette Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year Award for his excellence in being a total shitmuffin. Is this prestigious honor what finally pushed the voters to boot him out of office? On one hand, it is impossible to say for sure. On the other hand, yes. Campfield, in a fashion befitting the greatest of shitmuffins, published this on his ...

Greatest Rocker In Universe Ted Nugent Wings On His Jet To Headline The Toledo Rib Jam

  HELLLLLLO CLEVELAND!
Now that Ted Nugent has taught Native Americans how to be Native American like him, Ted Nugent, he is done with those stinkyass unclean dipshit Indians whining about how the White Man “stole their land,” and doesn’t even think about them anymore. He’s got no time for their negative loser bullshit, “WAAAH, YOU GENOCIDED US,” buck the fuck up, Whatever The Casually Racist Term for “Native American Friend&...

A Rousing Defense Of Rand Paul By Wonkette Against Scurrilous Charges That Were Made By Us, Wonkette

  #SorryYesSorry
We here at Yr Wonkette, the world’s greatest and most beloved mommyblog recipe hub, strive to be like Mary Poppins: practically perfect in every way, but with dick jokes. However, it has been drawn to our attention, by us, that we made a huge mistake by hurling scurrilous charges against Rand Paul on Tuesday. We, along with the rest of the entire interweb universe, accused him of running away like a coward when confronted by your new hero...

Here Is Your Helpful Post About Gay Marriage And Federalism, Just Like You Always Wanted

  clip and save!
You know that we are very public service minded here at Wonkette, which is why we’re bringing you this handy-dandy column that you can cut out and put in your wallet for the next 1001th time that some idjit tries to explain to you that they don’t really hate the gays, but they just don’t see a need for gay marriage because you can totally just make a contract for all the rights marriage confers upon you. Next time that happens...

BENGHAZI Update: House Republican Committee Calls All Other Republicans Liars

  Shocked and Awed
Here we go again. Another House committee, controlled by Republicans, has issued yet another wackadoodle report about BENGHAZI. Are we going to finally find out that President Obama was taking body shots off of Hillary at the time of the attack, laughing about telling everyone to “stand down”? What kind of conspiracy-tinged bullshit will be served up this time? The House Intelligence Committee, led by Republicans, has concluded that...

Republicans To Obama: Stop Impeaching Yourself! Stop Impeaching Yourself!

  #MadAboutAThing
Don’t you just hate how Democrats can not stop blah blahing 27 hours a day about impeaching President Obama for Stuff and Reasons and Things? It is like, Republicans are trying to do the Lord’s work, investigating IRSfauxghazigate and repealing Obamacare for the fifty-teenth time and taking pictures inside giant vaginas (okay, that’s just the Romney family, but they do make up approximately 30 percent of the GOP). Except the s...

Michele Bachmann Said One Stupid Thing, Didn’t Say Other Stupid Thing

  Speaking of Boobs
All New big-format corndog for maximum Bachmann crazy
...rmer story was widely reported because it’s yet another example of Michele Bachmann saying unhinged freaky shit, and the latter story was also widely reported because, although it was originally from the lame fake-news site that wasn’t even The Onion, it sounded enough like another example of Michele Bachmann saying unhinged freaky shit. And there goes another cherished cliché: You actually CAN make this shit up. So, first ...

Spoiler Alert: We are Your Wonkette

 
Wikipedia, which is never wrong, states: Wonkette is a left-leaning American online magazine of topical satire and political gossip, established in 2004 by Gawker Media and founding editor Ana Marie Cox, and owned and edited by Rebecca Schoenkopf since 2012.[2] Prominent U.S. political bloggers including Juli Weiner, Jim Newell and Alex Pareene established their careers at Wonkette. The current editor is Rebecca Schoenkopf, formerly of OC Weekly...

Meet The Ladies Men’s Rights Auxiliary!

  I Am Mad About A Thing
Don’t you just hate feminism? Of course you do. Feminism is so old-timey and unnecessary and also very mean to men because when women say stuff — like “That sportsball star raped the shit out of me” or “Hey, Mr. Boss Man Sir, why are you paying me less than my male colleagues, HUH?” — it really hurts their feelings. Like, really a lot. Sure, maybe we might have sort of needed feminism, like, a thousand y...

Wingnut Nurse Sues Family Planning Center For Not Giving Her Job Just Because She Says She Won’t Do Job

  I Am Mad About A Thing
Let’s play a game. It is sort of a choose-your-own-adventure make-believe game. Costumes optional. You are about to graduate from Thing-Doing School and apply for a job as a professional Thing-Doer, as one does after attending Thing-Doing School. You inform your potential employer that you are interested in the Thing-Doing job but will be unable to perform Thing-Doing duties because of your religious beliefs. Your potential employer tells...

Ted Cruz Has A ‘Basic Suggestion’ For Democrats, And I Have One For Him

  I Am Mad About A Thing
Sen. Ted Cruz of Texas is not a smart man. Oh, I know, I know. There’s a conservative fairy tale that Cruz is REALLY smart (Democrats, beware!) because he went to Princeton and Harvard Law School and was super good at debating, and Harvard Professor Alan Dershowitz called him “off-the-charts brilliant.” But given his complete misunderstanding of the First Amendment — no, it does not protect your constitutional right to b...

Hi! How About All Y’all Stop Yelling At Me About The Ads? A Message From Your Editrix

  you are mad about a thing
Hi, it’s me, your Editrix! How are you? TERRIBLE? Are you TERRIBLE because we have soooo many ugly ads on this page, and they are ugly? Fuck dudes, that sucks, and I am sorry. NOW CAN YOU PLEASE STOP YELLING AT ME ABOUT THE ADS. Go click on Breitbart, or Daily Caller, or even our pals at LittleGreenFootballs. They have popups that when you close them pop up another popup! Do I do that to you? I DO NOT. (I don’t think.) Here is a se...

Oh Hey We Hired A Person Again

  down for everyone or just me?
...wonkers and wonkarinas, we are very pleased to announce that we have hired your comrade ShyPixel to fix all the shit at this here computery site. He will fix it all, the plaguey performance issues, the 2000 pounds of shit I stuffed into a five-pound website, and all the other things we have been doin’ wrong for the past two years and change. (Basically, we never even got an oil change, and then didn’t understand why our tranny blew?)...

Deleted Comments Of The Day: You LIEberals Are Too Brainwashed To Understand Alex Jones!

  the commentczar's in town
Oh, ye connoisseurs of Dear Shitferbrains, have we got a special treat for you! A full-on rant from an Alex Jones fan, in response to our June 9 story about the Alex Jones fandom of Jerad Miller, the Las Vegas cop-killing sovereign citizen. When we saw this sucker in the queue, we knew we had to share. It’s from a writer who calls himself (we’ll assume it’s a dude from the message’s electronic hints of bad breath and Chee...

In Which We Never Stop Talking About Our Vag

  yep. more vag.
...r at our sweet little sister, HappyNiceTimePeople, today? Well apparently Sara Benincasa has COMPLETELY LOST HER SHIT. Or has been hypnotized by werewolves. Or Dave Matthews (same thing). Then she got her shit back and did a lot of boning to Fleetwood Mac. (Acceptable.) Then she reminisced about the Good Old Days when “godly gentlemen” (and high school seniors) could own slaves. Dan showed you some Actual Sideboob of naked lady athl...