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Good news: They let us in! Bad News: They let us in. The Marriott Wardman Hotel & Conference Centre is much like a mall where you can’t find anything except the big anchor store, which is Mitch McConnell. But alas, after stepping over a few mass graves, we checked into CPAC for Wonkete.com. Jesus, even [...]
Probable Florida primary loser and mean-spirited twerp Newt Gingrich will FAIL to colonize the moon because he will never become president, but you know what he CAN colonize? That one little patch of grass, yeah that one right over there where a lone Ron Paul supporter is standing quietly holding up a sign. Newt Gingrich [...]
The dull evidence of a typical hack political campaign is the “embargoed” speech or statement sent out many hours before the event it is supposed to address. And now we’ve got this email from a big P.R. firm claiming that the Occupy Wall Street response to Obama’s State of the Union speech is contained within [...]
In Monday night’s debate, Rick Perry made the claim that Turkey was “ruled by what many would perceive to be Islamic terrorists.” Just as bafflingly, people from as far and wide as actual Turkey and D.C. have taken time out of their busy days Tuesday to condemn Perry’s par-for-the-course proclamation. But he’s been to Turkey, [...]
Mitt Romney released a Spanish-language ad in Florida Wednesday in an attempt to put a swift end to the other presidential hobbyists’ efforts to prevent him from having to concede to President Obama in November. ODDLY, Romney’s ad comes just as he’s earned the endorsement (and endorsed the endorsement, obviously, because he has no friends) [...]
NEW YORK—The gloves are off at the head of the pack in the GOP primary, with Gingrich and Romney trading blows on the campaign trail yesterday. And things are getting fun! Romney called on Newt to return the $1.6 million the latter earned doing history for Freddie Mac, which: yes! But then? Newt responded by [...]
In finally deciding to consider the constitutional merits of Obamacare, our black-robed Supreme Court overlords have gone and turned a deaf ear to our collective entreaties to PLEASE DON’T! as though we were some kind of publicly defended death-row inmate or something. Now the Divine Nine will get to run their stubby fingers through the [...]
NEW YORK—It’s Thanksgiving in America, which can only mean one thing: giant helium balloons have taken over New York City’s 7th Avenue for the 85th annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. OK, two things actually, since Thanksgiving in America also means crazy people pitching tents outside of Best Buy.
Were you lucky enough to have a real, live astronaut visit your elementary school back when public schools still existed? Bet the kids were so so super excited!!! We definitely were, because, of course, even a low- to middle-tier astronaut is several orders of magnitude cooler than anyone who hasn’t been weightless in Outer Space. [...]
Who is this heroic gal who stepped foot into the class war mob scene of the communist French Revolution and escaped with her head? What kind of nonsense is she spouting? Send her home to listen to Rush Limbaugh with the plumbing contractors who struggle to make $65,000 a year and think they’re Warren Buffett [...]
Lunatic pill-head Michele Bachmann’s veteran campaign manager Ed Rollins is stepping down for “health reasons,” and, he added, “it’s a Romney-Perry race” is the name of his illness. We hear you, Ed Rollins, that is a tough disease to battle on campaign hours, seven days a week, with only the “hope” of certain death at [...]
It was a close one for a while, but in the violent, ongoing sporting match between The Fightin’ Vacant Skulls and their boring opponent, The Scientists, there has been a breakthrough, as The Vacant Skulls have just acquired a brand new star QB, Mitt “Mittens” Romney! It took a while for Mitt Romney to come [...]
Every day is Christmas for Future President Cowboy Rick Perry. This is partially because that is the law down in Texas, where as much as they want to “teach Creationism” to their children, they are cursed with the burden of also including some facts about science, even though all the miniature Rick Perrys find it [...]
