Wonkette

Civil War veteran John McCain served his country with “honor,” but he has no idea what “honor” even means! In a hilarious Q&A with TIME Magazine — hilarious because he’s just barking “Get off my lawn!” at the poor reporters — McCain is asked a simple, boring, “just quote your stump speech” question, and he goes absolutely crazy. MORE »

The hottest ticket in America tonight is Barack Obama’s all-star oldies concert at Denver’s Mile High Stadium, during which he will sink a thousand three-pointers from downtown Ancient Athens. But don’t feel bad about missing history or whatever, because John McCain is also having some sort of sporting facility event, on Friday — he will appear with his veep pick at “Wright State University’s Nutter Center” in some little town in Ohio. Ha ha, it is called “Nutter Center.” Anyway, there are only 10,000 tickets available, and they’re all pretty much still available. Cindy McCain may pay you a hundred bucks and a vicodin just to keep a seat warm for an hour. [Political Wire/Dayton Daily News]

Everybody knows that poor old John McCain owns so many wonderful luxury homes in Arizona and California and Communist France that he literally has no idea how many wonderful luxury homes he owns — after all, that’s Cindy’s accounting firm’s job, counting up the stuff! But a shocking new study reveals that likely McCain running mate Mitt Romney literally owns fifty-five houses. MORE »

This is really shaping up as the (only) musical stadium show of the week! Unofficial sources say Stevie “Used To Be So Awesome” Wonder, that annoying Wilheim-Am! and Sheryl Crow will play music at the Invesco High-Times Field at Mile High Stadium tomorrow evening. What a lineup! Also: The previously mentioned Bruce Springsteen and John Francis Bongiovi, Jr., may or may not perform their “New Jersey Trilogy” ballet for the middle aged. There is someone else we’ve literally never heard of, called “John Legend,” who will masturbate with a cactus. [Denver Post/Politico]

IS KERRY TERRIBLE ENOUGH TO LOSE HIS SENATE SEAT? Probably not, and he’s aiming for an Obama Administration gig. But John Kerry’s got a comical Democratic opponent, and this Boston Magazine article by Joe Keohane is the best goddamned political feature we’ve read all summer. [Boston Magazine]

NOVAK IS BACK! After a busy summer of running over a bum and being diagnosed with a brain tumor, Robert Novak quit his regular column gig. But now he’s back with an “occasional” thing saying Vinegar Joe Lieberman would doom the McCain ticket. Don’t listen, Walnuts! Pick Holy Joe! [Bob Novak]

Oh what the hell, it’s starting! Here’s Howard Dean, doing what he’ll do for the next 400 hours: introducing people who will give speeches. Let’s liveblog it for a few minutes! MORE »

Press level, Pepsi Center, 2 p.m. “Mountain Time.”

If there’s one thing Democrats can count on, it’s that New Jersey billionaire Bruce “He’s The Boss” Springsteen will play lots of his songs for the presidential candidate, who will then lose the election. That’s why Republicans are so excited about Springsteen playing a couple of songs at Obama’s Acceptance Concert on Thursday. MORE »

You wouldn’t know it from our serene Casa Wonkette in Denver’s uptown, but just down Colfax in downtown, the cops are going nuts! There are protesters! People are making statements in a way that is sure to be heard (by the cops). MORE »