2010 elections
After elderly ultra-conservative right-wing extremist monster Utah Sen. Bob Bennett recently lost his party’s nomination, for being too liberal, he was entertaining the idea of a write-in campaign for November. “Ha ha ha Bob Bennett,” everyone said, because come on. Write-in campaign for the U.S. Senate! WHO IS THIS GUY? But if thinking such cute [...]
Doctor Senator Rand Paul is America’s greatest case of nepotism and whoreishness. Not only is he much meaner than his kindly old radical father, the deity Ron, but on the foreign policy side, there aren’t very many (and will probably be ZERO by the time this campaign ends) similarities to his father’s minimalist war & [...]
This one’s kind of a STRETCH — meaning, “effective.” California Republican gubernatorial candidate Steve Poizner is attacking his primary opponent Meg Whitman, former CEO of eBay, for having all sorts of porn available on the eBay while she was running it. Poizner’s ad even shows an insecure teenager about to jerk off to Meg Whitman’s [...]
Rand Paul hates pants because he doesn’t need them when he’s KICKING TREY GRAYSON’S ASS, OHHHHH… (Wait, what?) Anyway, here is a picture of Doctor Senator Rand Paul from the local newspaper this morning. Is he going to just wander around like a child all the time if he becomes Senator, wearing no pants to [...]
Deep-thinkin’ Mexican tort-reformin’ bidnessman Tim James, candidate for Alabama governor, has released the latest installment in his “wander ’round the mansion lookin’ pensive ‘n’ shit” series of advertisements. This one’s called “Sex Offenders” and opens with our hero, top shirt button undone and tie loosened for the first time, clutching his terrified wife and saying, [...]
Here’s the best clip we could find of Charlie Crist announcing his departure from the Republican party this afternoon. Our chief criterion in judging these clips was, “Which one makes him look the most colored?” This contribution from YouTube user “nancynipple” easily wins; her television shows the heroic governor sporting something of a deep rouge [...]
Will the terrible Democrats please stop considering a long-overdue immigration bill, now that Lindsey Graham is upset? Mean old Harry Reid had pwomised him an energy bill (dead on arrival) first before pwomising him an immigwation bill! Then he switched it up! And now Lindsey Graham is so upset that he says they don’t need [...]
You may have seen the cover of this morning’s Examiner while you were ignoring it and picking up Express instead. The news is very shocking. The Caps took 50+ shots on that friggin’ Montreal team, but only one goal? Jesus Christ…
Okay, one more. Tim James has another ad. Same dramatic pauses. Same wandering all over the damn place. Tim James is a national treasure and should be put in a time capsule. It makes sense to us.
It’s tough to figure out the message Sen. Michael Bennet is trying to get across in this new ad. As far as we can tell, there are two equally legitimate options: either his young children are well-respected economic and political titans with lengthy, important publishing records which give undeniable weight to their endorsements, or — [...]
Utah’s “junior senator,” the elderly three-term Republican Bob Bennett, is a 150% conservative monster who hates poor people almost as much as he loves his state’s official god, the Mormon Space Jeebus. So why is he losing so miserably going into his state’s Republican nominating convention?
GAH! So. Can we safely assume that Harley D. Brown, this thick anger-monster running for Congress in Idaho, is familiar with the one and only Super Tuber? [Harley D. Brown for Congress]
CHARLIE CRIST HATES TEEVEE; WHY DOES CHARLIE CRIST HATE TEEVEE: “The Marco Rubio campaign says Charlie Crist has halted all its TV advertising in the Orlando and Tampa Bay markets where the anti-Rubio spots were airing. That’s presumably a sign that Crist has decided to marshal his resources for later or perhaps drop out altogether.” [...]
GOOD NEWS FOR MARYLAND! To your editor’s fellow Maryland natives, as well as current residents and people who simply care about Maryland politics for some reason: he’s ba-ack! Ex-Gov. Bobby Ehrlich — an asshole and born-again wingnut radio host — looks like he’s going to run against Gov. Martin O’Malley this year, in an Epic [...]
Doctor St. Rand “The Son” Paul is kicking his opponent’s ass in the Kentucky GOP Senate primary, big time. This is bad for Establishment Republicans who love endless war and terror and torture. They had hand-selected this guy Trey Grayson to represent their love of death in the Senate, and now he can’t even beat [...]
