2012
It is a very exciting time in Florida, for the elderly right-wing Cubans and elderly moderate-Republican condo dwellers and the middle-aged anger bears driving around in their nearly repo’d giant pickups hoping for a devastating hurricane so they can do some construction again. Florida! It’s a lot like the United States, but even scuzzier and [...]
Turbo edition ridiculousness machine Newt Gingrich is terminally unable to shut up about his “wait why is this even a fake issue?” theory that America’s disadvantaged students are incurably lazy — first it was elementary school students, and this weekend he delivered a diatribe excoriating the current generation of university students for expecting “free money” [...]
In another failed attempt to have a Serious Discussion about things that allegedly matter to the American people, like the invisibility of jobs, the mirage-like appearance of money and the light-as-air noggins of the land’s lawmakers, the White House held a contest to see which American person-submitted questions President Obama should answer in a YouTube [...]
Important update regarding gazillionaire antichrist job killer Mitt Romney: It is wrong and unfair to say Willard is the 1%. Well, it’s not wrong, because of course Mitt Romney is part of the 1%. But it’s more accurate to call him “part of the top 0.0025%,” because that’s where he is, as far as the [...]
Our libertarian-Bostonian correspondent is on the road in Florida, chasing the GOP clowns. Here is a video-photo dispatch from him! JACKSONVILLE — We always feel bad for the poor interns/work-study kids who get stuck holding those goofy signs in spin rooms after debates. Don’t their arms get tired? We asked one of the poor bastards [...]
Mitt Romney, who was slightly more humanoid in 1994 than he is today, also thought blind trusts, of which he has one, and which he passionately defended during Thursday night’s Jacksonville debate, were terrible, devious things. How exactly did he put it? Oh yes, a blind trust is an “age-old ruse.”
Here’s a wacky fun-time ritual thing the Mormons do that you may or may not have heard about: they love to baptize dead people and thus declare them members of their magic moon faith, mostly so that the Mormons can claim a 7 billion person membership similar to the way that those McDonald’s signs claim [...]
Mark Oxner, a Republican running for Congress in Florida’s brand new 27th district, which will include parts of Orlando, just released this ad, which he promises to be the first of many. It depicts President Obama as a pirate who enslaves children to row his ship to its demise over a waterfall. Former Florida Representative [...]
Randy “Duke” Cunningham was a fantastic Republican congressman. After a career bombing peasants in Vietnam, he came back to teach pilots at an ugly suburban theme park based on the Tom Cruise movie Top Gun, and then “Duke” became a congressman from San Diego, until his inevitable conviction for fraud and bribery and douchery and [...]
So Barack Obama is in favor of greater access to college education (like most every other modern president before him), you say? There’s a sinister, political reason for that, according to dim dweeb Rick Santorum. Learning turns people liberal. “It’s no wonder President Obama wants every kid to go to college,” he told an audience [...]
Where were you when you found out Mitt Romney made $42.5 million in two years? On the toilet, as you are now? Well the truth is that this Republican f—-runner would like to downplay this significant Event in our country’s history by telling you that, actually, he paid ‘closer to 40 or 50 percent’ in [...]
Ha, what?! Why does Nancy Pelosi look so sneaky here? And happy, she also looks very happy. Asked what it might be like to come to work next year and find Newt Gingrich as (gulp!) president, she smiles serenely and says, “That’s never going to happen.” And then she adds, “Trust me.”
Jeb Bush, currently one of the less loathed of the metastatic Bush dynasty, sure is one cool, cool customer! With the Florida GOP primary just around the corner, the former governor has revealed that he will “stay neutral,” despite the judicious application of prostrate groveling from Newt Gingrich, Mitt Romney, and Rick Santorum. We must [...]
