9/11
This is probably some kind of obvious trap to collect the 10,000 or so people in America with any backbone (out of 307,000,000 “depressed consumers”) and send them to FEMA death camps, but something called “Days of Rage” keeps sending us emails about a proposed occupation of Wall Street beginning on September 17 and lasting [...]
The eight-year period of 2000-2008 was the best, wasn’t it? First everyone freaked out about Y2K which ended up not really being very exciting, then the movie Chicken Run came out, but then wasn’t there something kind of bad that happened in 2001? Like maybe some bad El Niño weather or the end of a [...]
Forgotten war criminal Donald Rumsfeld was taking a flight back to one of his mansions for the weekend when he was apprehended and felt up by TSA slobs. This is kind of like Justice, minus the part where Donald Rumsfeld was tortured for sixty-two years and then thrown into the Lake of Fire. Because, of [...]
Back when rat-faced 9/11 pornographer Rudy Giuliani was just another cross-dressing sleazebag New York politician kicked out of his house for banging his mistress, the only two people who would take him in were two kindly homosexual gentlemen. And so, for months, Rudy Giuliani was the third leg of this curious tripod: a supposedly straight, [...]
It’s official: Americans have now “forgotten 9/11.” Obama is tied with Mittens in a new Post-ABC poll after losing his “bin Laden bounce,” and voter focus has mysteriously switched back to the jobs crisis. Our national honeymoon with bin Laden’s corpse is over (the sex was already sort of dropping off), and America is still [...]
Wonkette operative “Paul G.” sends in this rewritten AP article printed in the St. Petersburg Times. Look, the death of bin Laden actually resulted in a slight restoration of civil liberties! But we’re still going to call them “Muslin.” Speaking of which, are our friends on Facebook still concerned about “the Muslin’s”?
Intelligence analysts have been poring over Osama bin Laden’s hard drives for signs of anything that isn’t porn or World of Warcraft save files, and it would appear they’ve finally found something: Osama bin Laden was in the MSPaint brainstorm stage of an attack on an American train. Yes one (1) whole train, not multiple. [...]
Ladies and gentlemen, this is why Web conspiracy theorist Alex Jones should be given Glenn Beck’s time slot: While Beck was prancing around with his drawing of what Osama bin Laden’s face looks like yesterday, Jones’ team was in contact with a “multitude of different inside sources both publicly and privately,” uncovering the STORY OF [...]
In the midst of all the celebrations that good finally defeated evil yesterday, there is this fact: the U.S. got the leads that allowed it to find and kill Osama bin Laden from two men: Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and Al Qaeda “operations chief” Abu Faraj al-Libi. These men have been kept in secret CIA prisons [...]
Do you remember the world before every day’s news was quickly animated into some ironic nonsense by computer artists in Taiwan working for a Murdoch-style tabloid/sleaze media empire in Asia? Do you have even faint memories of your own existence before YouTube? Well, former CIA contractor/anti-Soviet mujaheddin leader Osama bin Laden lived most of his [...]
