9/11
Just weeks after Joe Miller’s stunning midterm loss, facial hair has finally returned to the Senate, as Tom Coburn has, heroically, suddenly grown the goatee (“Van Dyke”) of Santa Claus’ evil twin or whatever. And, powered by a churning gizzard full of holiday douchenog, he managed to single-handedly slash today’s 9/11 first-responder health benefits bill [...]
On September 11, 2001, terrorists hijacked airplanes and flew them into two skyscrapers in New York City. As office workers panicked and their formerly mundane work environment suddenly became a gnarled warehouse of firy death, selfless firefighters and police officers ran into the building to try to save lives. Many of them didn’t make it [...]
Senate Republicans crashed their filibuster airplanes into legislation that would “monitor and treat first responders and emergency workers who suffered illnesses related to 9/11,” causing the bill to collapse into its own footprint, never forget. So next time you see a firetruck with a Made in China American flag waving so proudly with 9/11 remembrance, [...]
DRUDGE (Druge) SIRENS! The following is an “**Exclusive** **Must Credit**.” It has eight asterisks! It must be good! Matt Drudge has been sent an advance copy of George W. Bush’s new book or whatever, and he has REVEALED five or so random parts of it. “The president details how he bonded with Crown Prince Abdullah [...]
For reasons which are quite frankly still unclear, the comely matrons of The View invited Bill O’Reilly to come on their show and gossip about the handsomeness of Barack Obama. Bill O’Reilly loves screeching into teevee cameras, so of course he accepted this gracious invitation. And obviously they didn’t even get to talk about whatever [...]
If you are anything like most of the world’s Muslims, you spend your days leafing through Dwell and Architectural Digest, wondering just how you will achieve the correct interplay of light and shadow in your third second home in the Berkshires. Thus, you and your Mohammedan friends will surely be thrilled to learn of the [...]
Did you somehow miss this video over the weekend? Why not watch it right now, for freedom? A skateboarder dude snuck up behind the aspiring book burner and told the local teevee news, “He said something about burning a Koran. I was, like, ‘Dude, you have no Koran!’ and took his Koran and ran off.” [...]
It seems like just yesterday your afternoon editor’s junior high school was in total, day-long lockdown because somebody dropped some Sweet ‘N Low in the parking lot. Now the Capitol building has shut down for a little early-2000s nostalgia to celebrate those classic post-9/11 fear memories. “Early reports indicated the suspicious substance was an undetermined [...]
Marc Thiessen has made his Joe Namath guarantee: There WILL be an al-Qaeda attack on America next year when 9/11 turns the “big one-oh.” How does Thiessen know this? Is he a member of al-Qaeda? Perhaps. But if he is not now, he will be soon, because he needs to infiltrate them to MAKE SURE [...]
If you got out the beer and cold cuts and had the neighbors over to watch 9/11 on the teevee the other day, perhaps you saw our First Lady Michelle Obama mark the occasion with a visit to Shanksville, Pennsylvania, home of a couple of mills and the terrible Flight 93 crash site. Laura Bush [...]
If you want to get a feel for what the 9/12 rallies in Washington, Sacramento, and St. Louis were like, just take your laptop to the nearest Old Country Buffet, flip it open next to the meat bar, and watch this video that the Tea Party Patriots made especially for the trifecta-occasion.
Bill Scannell has suffered many Alaskan indignities for Wonkette since the ridiculous rise of snowbilly grifter Sarah Palin, but Saturday night’s rip-off 9/11-palooza was, as he reports, a total fraud.
